


Overcoming

by not_impressed



Category: Death Note
Genre: Angst, Confusion, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Relationship Issues, Romance, Slash, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-04-28 21:54:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 59,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5107079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_impressed/pseuds/not_impressed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Light gets his memories back, the little game of romance he and L have accidentally started, comes to an end. The problem is, L doesn't want to let go. Do they still have a chance? A pretty cheesy and not-so-original story, that includes slight OOC-ness, Light/L yaoi, and some crude language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I feel obligated to warn you that English is not my first language, so if you stumble upon some ridiculous mistakes of any kind, please forgive me. I'm still learning c:

L has always had a difficult nature and never tried to hide it from anyone. Very few people could get along with him. Even less could adapt and adjust to his way of being. But Light could. That is one of the reasons as to why he wants to tie the boy close to him, tightly, to bind them together and never let go.

For three months Light was close. He gently smiled and his kisses were soaked with tenderness. He held his breath and stood still at the peak of orgasm. He uttered blatant lies and never once blushed. When L first understood that something horrible and irreparable had happened, he was shocked. The sudden change in Light's eyes, in the way he looked at L, was so obvious that he couldn't believe he was the only one who saw that. It felt like he had lost Light. Just like that. In a matter of one second, in the twinkling of an eye, he didn't even get to say goodbye, he didn't get to feel loving hands hug his body for the one last time. It just happened, and after the moment that had changed everything, Light barely looked at him anymore. Rather, Light's gaze now is directed through him, somewhere into the distant future that awaits for him just behind L's back. His eyes have sparkles in them still. But L knows they are not meant for him anymore.

It's sickening. It is hard and heavy. L is sad because he knows their time is over. Sad, because he could feel Light's rejoice the moment after the handcuffs were removed. Sad, because he knows that he has to rip the boy out of his heart. Scared... because the house of cards he used to call their relationship has fallen apart before he could even utter one word.

"You are free to go. I fail to see the reason behind your stay here."

Five seconds, and Light's arms come around him, slithering up and down his chest while he feels the steady beating of Light's heart against his back. It's never been steady during such moments before.

"I'll show you the reason."

It is wrong. He's not supposed to yield to those hands again. But he doesn't want to let go.

This night L lets Light hammer him into the bed yet again, as if he's trying to prove they still belong to each other. Who exactly needs the prove is not clear. L tries not to think that it's himself.

"I love you."

And his cheeks don't blush. They never blush when he lies.

 

* * *

 

He's going to be nineteen soon and he thinks that he is an adult. Of course, he's always had the level of responsibility that many adults lacked, and the last two years of his life only made him more serious with his intents. He's outwitted the person who's been deemed the greatest detective. He's successfully carried through with his plan and got rid of the nuisance in form of memory loss and handcuffs. His friends haven't gone away for those three months he spent isolated from the outside world. He met with them a couple of times after breaking free from his confinement. Misa adores him still.

L. The man who's been after him almost from the very beginning of his work on purifying the world. First as an adversary, then as a fellow student, then as a lover, and now... hell knows. Their still frequent rendezvous can't be considered as a serious relationship. Frankly, it can hardly be considered a relationship at all. L has to die. He knows it. And it's gotten hard to be around him yet again. The look in L's eyes is not something he's ever expected to see. L doesn't have to say a word to convey what he feels. It's all clear enough already – he's broken, scared, and most of all sad.

Light frowns and thinks he despises L for his weakness. But his body is desired still. Another fuck gives great pleasure, but in the morning there are no emotions left. L lays on the pillows, a light blanket's hiding his nakedness. He doesn't say a word and keeps on looking at Light as the other puts his clothes on.

Slowly, fires of passion die in his eyes, replaced by autumn sadness. Light always hated how those eyes don't betray any emotions, but right now it feels as though L actually tries to convey something to him, something that himself isn't sure about. So, Light shrugs his shoulders before voicing the usual 'I love you' out loud, just so L would stop looking at him with the expression that unnerves him so much. He doesn't want to do anything for the lively sparks to lit up L's eyes again. L chokes him with his presence, and his worried glances have become an unnecessary burden.

He chooses not to waste words when being left alone with L, or even better, not to stay past the sunset in the ridiculously huge headquarters building. Although he feels a little homesick during the nights he spends alone in his room, in the morning this little sadness would be gone. Peace of mind, greater purpose and self-realization turned out to be more important than an attempt to understand L. L's difficulties are nothing compared to the difficulties of his goal, so he thinks.


	2. Morning

 

L wakes up and grudgingly opens his eyes. He looks around the room with vacant stare: dim gray light pours through the big windows of the bedroom he and Light once used to share. Digital clock on a bed-stand shows there's only fifteen minutes left till six in the morning. His legs feel numb – he yet again fell asleep in a chair last night. And there was nobody to put him in bed anymore... L's heart squeezes in resentment as he remembers that Light used to always make sure that Ryuzaki sleeps in his arms, safely cuddled and tucked in a blanket. Before Light, it was Watari's concern to carry L to bed, but as soon as the whole thing between Light and him started, the old man got the hint and has never disturbed them during the nights since... Watari probably thinks that L doesn't need his personal services anymore.

Trying to ignore the bitter and uncomfortable feeling that has settled in his chest, L focuses his attention on another trouble – a nagging pain and aching in the lower part of his abdomen. Now, this is embarrassing... it feels as if he's a fifteen year old kid, going through puberty. At least he now understands what is so special about wet dreams and morning wood.

The dream... it felt like he was thrown back in time. It let him relive the most intimates moments, not missing a single detail. Light's lips on his skin, his hands, the warm feel of his weight, and most of all his loving words that used to cause small shiny bubbles of happiness to form somewhere in L's chest before the sharp edges of his own doubt and sense of duty destroyed them, leaving only uncertainty and strange feeling of guilt behind.

L squints carefully, taking a look at his lower body – and he's not in the least surprised to find his crotch uncomfortably tented. Well, good thing he is alone, otherwise he'd have burned with shame from such an awkward occurrence. He sighs and stands up, wincing from both the numbness in his leg muscles and friction of his over-sensitive parts against clothes. It's ridiculous and a little humiliating but he has now to resort to certain measures to sate the primitive need. The desire is too tempting, so L heads to the bathroom, shutting the door tightly behind himself. His fingers feel numb as he unzips his jeans and halts for a moment, his hand frozen mid-air. He then starts stroking himself, uncertainly, as if trying to copy someone else's movements. He's not just caressing himself, he tries to do it as if it wasn't his hand.

It takes only a minute for him to come, so strong is the arousal. And it's immediate that the mental pain follows the so needed relief. It hurts, it hurts more than bumping a toe into an acute angle of furniture. It hurts more than standing in a circle of laughing people after finding out that the treat you were given and almost licked at, is a dead rat. L looks at his reflection in a small mirror, grimaces and squats down, feeling strangely exhausted, his back pressed against the white tiled wall. Somehow, he can't help but feel empty, and the feeling of his own hand was nothing compared to what he now knows the pleasure can be like. Somehow, he feels hurt and his thoughts can't stop revolving around a single person that's been on his mind for the past year.

_ 'This is pathetic...' _  he muses forlornly.

A gentle knock on the door and polite voice coming from behind it, throw L back to reality:

"Sir, your breakfast." Watari says. "Would you like it to have it in your bedroom, or should I deliver it to your workplace?"

"I'll come down to the investigation room in a few minutes," L replies, trying to make his voice sound as apathetic as it possibly can get. "Is anyone there yet?"

"No, sir. Yesterday you told them to take a day off work, don't you remember?"

"Ah... Indeed, I said so. Thank you, Watari."

 

* * *

 

He sits at his usual place, staring at a plate full of fruits that lays on a table before him. He knows he needs to eat and start working on the case. He's been pretty much reluctant to even think about the steps he needs to take since the very day something shifted in Light... And there is only one reason which can explain his attitude, but L would much rather ignore it than admit it to be true – L feels deceived. Not betrayed, no, simply deceived. He wants to pout his lips and hide in a dark corner until Light admits he wasn't playing fair, that he didn't tell L all the rules of the game they were playing, and cheated in general. And then, when Light would promise him to play strictly by the rules, L would probably begrudgingly agree to continue this game for a little longer. This desire of his is so childishly naïve and foolish, that he doesn't even want to admit it himself, and because of his understanding of his own immature obstinacy, L gets even more frustrated and resentful.

_ 'Cheater,' _  L thinks darkly, sticking a fork into a piece of melon on the plate. He chews on it, swallowing the juicy piece down and stares at the plate again. He knows Light is Kira, has always been, and Higuchi was nothing but a pawn the real Kira used to draw attention away from himself. So what is he left with? Light, who's re-established himself as a serial killer, and the need to find a way to prove that he is the said killer. Then what?

L frowns, shoving another fruity treat into his mouth. He doesn't want to think what would come next. Somehow, it's hard to come in terms with the fact his time with Light is coming to an end, but the nagging feeling somewhere deep inside of him whispers that he should take a hold of himself and face the truth – their little game is already over. Now it's only a matter of time when one of them falls. And it saddens L. He knows he will miss the moments both of them shared. He knows he is going to miss Light, because that boy unknowingly to himself and completely unexpectedly for L has awoken something, that L thought has long since died inside of him. Passion, openness and readiness to accept everything Light wanted to give him. Again, he recalls: his own hands on Light's shoulders, how eagerly he embraced the boy, how exciting it was to discover his own body responding to the touches...

L catches himself on thinking of Light for the umpteenth time for the past week. But Light and everything they did are in the past now. That's what should be remembered. And even better – not to be thought of at all. Because the feeling he gets when he's not being by Light's side, throws L back to something he's long since outgrown – the need for something that is  _ not _  there. He was able to get used to ignore this bitter and corroding wish, this skill of disregarding has become his second essence (maybe even first), and he feels scared to go back in the days when this certain shortage was almost constant.

That period has no form, is not expressed in words, and doesn't provoke any special images or associations in his memory. It was short and sharp – L remembers it as a constant, exhausting struggle with himself. When he would feel especially sick of it, he would sit down on the floor, wrap his hands around himself, and begin rocking back and forth – this habit remains still, hidden of course, for the cases where no one can see him, but he successfully etched the memories of how and when it appeared. The memories of being close to someone have brought anxiety along, reminding him of the dark times when he would rock back and forth nights away, and during the days he would suffer from incomprehensible fear and nausea. Lucid moments would happen when Watari would visit his bedroom and take his hand, talk to him about something. Sometimes the old man would even go with L for a walk.

But when no one was around, the monstrous avalanche was ready to cover, crush and rob L of air. It happened too often and it was too scary. The orphanage he spent most of his childhood in, facilitated this horror, but even it wasn't able to get L out of his misery.

Years passed. He grew up and detective work came along, changing his life. Night terrors were gone, nausea and suffocation followed them.

And now, after just three months of the 'love' game, with a strange wariness he feels the long forgotten need – to hide in a dusty corner, to hug himself, and to unleash the colorless stupor.

And it is disgusting. He hates the weakness he found in himself but as he tries to reason with his heart, as he forces the unbidden and acidic feelings away, L only manages to intensify the overwhelming need to throw the common sense away, hide from everything and everybody, and wait. Wait for Light to knock on his door and... and then he probably wants Light to kiss him one more time. Not those forceful, lust-stitched kisses Light gives him now, but the gentle and careful touches his captive showered him with just a week ago.

Pouting his lips, L glances at the empty chair beside him, the one Light used as his seat during their time together. And suddenly the sadness he's been trying to keep at bay squeezes his insides so painfully, that L closes his eyes for a moment, just as not to let a cry of desperation burst from his chest.

 

* * *

 

Light walks down a busy street, merged and almost unobtrusive in the stream of bustling people. It's only eight in the morning but the city is already wide-awake – usual noises come from everywhere and it's a little bit placating in its nature. Scraps of conversations, roaring engines of cars, the sound of his own feet against the pavement, the tapping of light drizzle on his umbrella, the smell of freshly baked bread from the nearest bakery... It's a bliss to be able to hear, to feel all of this. Light takes a deep breath and the corners of his mouth twitch in uncertain smile. He turns his head to the right just in time to catch a glimpse of his own reflection in a big window. He halts for a moment and brings his hand to his head, flicking a stray lock away from his face. The day is windy and the gusts keep messing up his hairdo, which is getting a little irritating. Looking at the blurred eyes of his reflection for one last time, Light changes the focus of his vision and glances to look at the shop window: a whole variety of sweet pastries is displayed there. He can't help but arch his eyebrow, feeling that it must be some irony of fate that he keeps being reminded of L even outside the headquarters. He tries to ignore a small voice in his mind that slyly asks since when seeing a cake makes him think of L. But despite his effort not to pay attention to that little voice in his head, the other side of him snarls that L and a cake are two inseparable things, reason being that detective stuffs himself with that vicious thing whenever he gets a chance to lay his hands on it. The sly voice shrugs its invisible shoulders in the most insulting of manners and pointedly sighs. Light frowns his brows, getting slightly peeved at himself. Screw the cakes and that voice in his head that keeps popping out in the most unexpected moments. Take for one the morning of this day: upon awakening Light tried to hug something that was meant to lay beside him. That something was supposed to be Ryuzaki's body, of course, but since Light's groggy mind forgot that he was sleeping alone, it ended up with Light falling out of the bed and landing face first on the floor. The sly voice did not fail to note the awkward incident. Or next, when he was shaving the fluff off his cheeks and subconsciously glanced in the mirror expecting to see Ryuzaki's eyes staring back at him curiously? The sly voice reminded him of how he and the detective used to fool around in the bathroom, spreading shaving foam all over each others' faces before Ryuzaki would put his arms around Light's neck and then blush adorably, giving Light a signal that he was ready for the morning kiss. And the goddamn rain that was pouring all night long and didn't stop in the morning? The goddamn sly voice casually remarked that at such rainy mornings Ryuzaki would feel especially warm. He would snuggle close to Light and then would raise his enormously large and beautiful eyes at him, looking so damn vulnerable and touching that they would spend twenty more minutes in bed, doing nothing but hugging and kissing each other.

And now this stupid, maddening, blasted voice yet again reminds him of L just because Light looks at a cake. What the actual hell?!

Light feels a muscle twitch on his face and just as he decides to turn his back to the window shop and walk away, he notices a smiling face of a salesgirl that looks at him from the other side through the glass. Damn. He must have spent a few good minutes standing still and staring at the cake. No wonder he drew some attention. What an awkward situation... Taking a hold of himself, Light smiles back at the girl. She beams in return, walks closer to the window and then puts a price tag right before the cake Light's been looking at. Just for the sake of being polite, Light spares a glance at the tag and barely restrains himself from whistling out loud. Four thousand yen. In Light's opinion, the price is way too high for just a cake, but the salesgirl draws his attention again, gesturing for him to look at some pamphlet that's sticked to the window. It says 'Get a 50% discount' in large letters and then right below this inscription is another one which reads 'contact salesperson for more information'. He stares at the sign and then turns his gaze back at the girl. She winks and gives him thumbs up.

_ 'This is stupid...' _  Light thinks, forcing his lips to stretch into another smile as he nods and slowly backs away from the window shop. Just as he turns around, ready to make a dash for it, the shop's door opens, accompanied by a melodic trill of wind chimes, and that very salesgirl rushes to him.

"Hey!" she says as soon as she stops near Light. She's still smiling and the scent that comes off her clothes and hair in waves, reminds Light of L – sugar, warmth and pastry. 'Aw, isn't that sweet?' the sly voice in his head sneaks a remark and Light suddenly wants to smack himself in the face.

"Hello," he says meanwhile, giving the girl a confused look. "Can I help you?"

"I bet you didn't expect me to come right in your face," the girl says, giggling nervously, "but I noticed you staring at this cake we have, so I thought you wanted to buy it..."

"Ah, that... I'm sorry, it seems I zoned out for a minute. I didn't mean to distract you."

"No, no, you're not distracting me at all!" she says hurriedly, waving her hands around. Then she seems to have a moment of hesitation before continuing speaking: "Well... Actually you've been standing before our shop for so long that I thought you were too shy to come inside and ask about the promotion we're running."

"My bad, I apologize for misunderstanding. Well... I'll be on my way then?" Light says, flashing a hopeful smile.

"Don't you want to buy the cake?" the salesgirl sounds surprised and a little disappointed. "Look, I know it's a little expensive but if you just spare a few minutes of your time and draw something for our shop, you'll get it for half of the price! It's a paying business, this cake right here is one of the best we've got!"

"I'm not sure... I'm not good at drawing." Light mutters and simultaneously wonders why the heck does he even bother wasting time on the pointless conversation? He should just thank the girl for the attention and go away. "No... No, thank you," he forces out, "I don't have any special occasion to celebrate, so..."

"But you don't need one!" The girl throws up her hands, interrupting him mid-sentence. "Even if you won't eat it yourself, you can give it as a present to your friend, or parents, or your girlfriend... Do you have one by the way?"

Just great. How could he not recognize her flirting and mistake it for typical salesperson's importunity? Stifling a sigh, Light shakes his head dejectedly:

"Yes, I do, but she doesn't eat sweets. Neither does anyone I know, so thanks for spending your time on me."

He wasn't even lying. Misa would probably leave the cake as a present from him but wouldn't touch it out of fear of ruining her figure. His parents would most probably give it to the neighbors as neither his father nor mother is fond of such sweets. Sayu wouldn't eat it either – she's been hanging out with Misa for so long, that the model has infected Light's little sister with diet-mania. None of Light's acquaintances are crazy about cakes or pastry in general. None... except for L. Upon the mention of L's name, the sly voice in Light's head seems to have perked up. Immediately, it pictures him a surprised and happy face the detective would give Light upon receiving a cake as a present. The image in his mind is also accompanied with some warm, fuzzy and inexplicably good feeling. But that's not the reason to buy the thing, right?.. Not to mention this would be a stupid move from him. L is more likely to get even more suspicious than happy. Though, L seems to have let his guard down around Light due to the time they've spent together, so maybe the cake would actually work as a stimulus to lull his vigilance even more?.. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Light understands that this reasoning of his is nothing but a stupid excuse. In all honesty, he just wants to see L's reaction to the surprise. And before Light can stop his mouth from uttering the words, he says:

"On the second thought, I think I'll buy it. What exactly do you need me to do?"

 

Fifteen minutes later Light finds himself out in the street again, this time with a rather large box in his hands. Well, shit. He's just wasted money. And for the sake of what? Just to bring some happiness to his nemesis? What kind of nonsense is that?! Light almost feels like leaving the cake on the nearest bench, but eventually thinks better of it. Let Ryuzaki have a reason to smile before he dies.

Light sighs, walking down the street, his thoughts lost somewhere midst images of L's face. He suddenly remembers the look L had when Light returned to the investigation room after hugging Misa right in front of the surveillance cameras. That expression of hidden hurt and offense was anticlimactically unusual for L's void stare. It almost felt like L was actually disappointed with him. The detective was also atypically aggressive in bed later that night. And for some reason since that little incident, Light feels a little prick of guilt whenever he looks at L. It has actually became unbearably hard to be around him, because whenever he sees Ryuzaki, the emotions in his head clash in a fight with the cold mind, and it usually ensues a pretty bad outcome: one minute he wants to hold L close to his chest, feel the delicate bony body beneath his hands and press a kiss to those dry lips, and another moment he feels like he would gladly murder the weirdo with his bare hands. After all, L is a hindrance. L is a sadistic, emotionless and empty being who tortured Light both mentally and physically for more than a year. First, he messed with Light's plan, then he invaded Light's privacy, then he kept him chained in a dirty, disgusting cell for almost two months, and after that had a nerve to force Light to live together, keeping it under facade of the investigation. Sick bastard. He surely counted on Light to make move on him: with two guys living so close to each other, sharing a bed and a bathroom... Plus add the fact that one of them was pretty much a teenager whose mind should have been infested with sex... One doesn't have to be a genius to know what was bound to happen sooner or later. The only thing that didn't fit with L's plans was that Light's never been crazy about getting into someone's pants and surely wasn't going to molest or seduce L, if anything, he felt a little intimidated and mostly disturbed and disgusted by the detective and his quirks. Nevertheless, this thing between them happened.

How did it all start, really? Light clearly recalls the day when everything just spiraled out of control. Back then he felt merely curious and a little daring, and the last thing he expected was that it would all end like this...

That day Misa kissed L on the cheek for the first time, as a token of gratitude for L allowing her to visit Light whenever she wanted. Her kiss was barely there, just a fleeting touch after which she hopped back to stand at Light's side, to hug him by the arm and peek from behind his back.

"Don't get the wrong ideas!" Misa said, frowning her eyebrows while looking at L's face which expressed pure shock. "I love Light."

L nodded but he kept cradling the lipstick-marred cheek for whole ten minutes after Light dragged him out of Misa's room. The rest of the day he spent being unusually quiet. Light caustically thought the detective was trying too hard to feign his surprise. Who on earth gets surprised by a friendly kiss on the cheek? Right, no one. But the slightly perturbed expression wasn't leaving L's face for a second, and as the night fell down and they were left alone in their room, L finally asked the question that seemed to had been nagging at his mind for the past few hours:

"Light-kun, are kisses supposed to feel this... tacky?"

Light, who was changing into his pajamas after the shower they had a few minutes ago, froze and stared at L in disbelief. L blinked.

"Are you serious, or is this your way to sneak an insult?" Light muttered, feeling slightly irritated. Sure thing, Misa's kisses felt a little sticky due to the lip gloss she was used to wearing, but they weren't gross in the least. After all, a kiss from a pretty girl just couldn't be a bad thing.

"I'm serious. It felt very sticky and she just kissed me on the cheek. How can you stand this feeling on your lips? This must be very hard for Light-kun, since he's obsessed with keeping everything clean," the detective mumbled, putting a finger to his lips in contemplation.

"Look, Ryuzaki, have you only kissed girls that don't wear any make up? Why do you ask such questions?" Light sighed, taking a seat beside L on the bed.

L stayed silent. After a few moments he fidgeted a little and shrugged his shoulders:

"I was merely curious if all kisses should feel this unpleasant."

"Why? Don't you know it for yourself, or have you just forgotten how it feels like to kiss?" Light frowned. L shrugged again. Out of pure boredom Light decided to investigate the topic further: "When was the last time you kissed someone?"

"Mm... I guess it happened a long while ago." L muttered, nibbling at his finger.

"Huh? How am I supposed to take it?" Light asked, suddenly feeling intrigued. Ryuzaki never talked about his private life, so the chance of getting even a bit of information was not going to be missed. "At least tell me how old were you then?"

"Umm... If I remember correctly, I was about four years old. But I don't think I can recall anything else."

There was a moment of silence. Light stared at the detective, not quite believing his ears. Judging by the slight pinkness of Ryuzaki's cheeks, he wasn't lying. But how could it happen that a guy had never gotten to kiss someone during his teen years? Perhaps, L wasn't able to actually fall in love, but surely he could fake it in order to get a kiss just to satisfy his interest?.. At least, that's what Light had done when he was fifteen and almost every boy in his class had started boasting about getting to what they'd called the 'first base'.

"Oh, I see," Light finally forced out. "But how come you did not kiss anyone when you were in your teen years?"

"I wasn't interested in such things. Relationship's always seemed overrated to me. But now I wonder if I'm missing out on something..." Ryuzaki said quietly, and hesitated for a second before continuing to speak: "I am actually quite curious about what it feels like to kiss. People seem to get a lot of pleasure of it. That's why I was surprised with Amane-san's kiss – it didn't feel pleasant at all. That's also why I asked if it was pleasant for you."

"Well, every kiss normally feels quite satisfying," Light said, silently wondering over the fact he's talking about kisses with L out of all people. "It might be gross at first but then it gets better."

"I thought so. Perhaps the trick is in the feelings one experiences towards the person they are kissing."

"I'd say the trick is in keeping your eyes closed. It makes it less... intrusive," Light couldn't help but smirk.

"Is this why you close your eyes when you kiss Amane-san?" L turned his round eyes to peek at Light curiously. "Does it make you feel safe?"

"It's... ugh. Seriously, Ryuzaki, it's hard to explain how the kissing feels. As soon as you experience it firsthand, you'll understand everything, I'm certain."

"Is that so?" L questioned in monotone, "It's a pity I don't have an apt opportunity. It would be interesting to try, but I obviously have to be in love with the person I kiss."

"Nonsense," Light snickered, "it feels the same whether you love the person you kiss or not."

"How do you know? Have you kissed someone you don't love?"

The question made Light feel a little uneasy. In all honesty, it was the other way round - he'd never kissed somebody he'd  _ loved _ , so there was no difference whatsoever in kisses for him.

"What kind of question is that, Ryuzaki? Sooner or later everyone kisses someone they don't love," he frowned, folding his arms on his chest. "You might get surprised, but it could actually take years for a person to find somebody they love. And, considering my age, it's no wonder I still haven't met such person."

"What about Amane-san? Don't you love her?" Now the questions that were coming from L started to resemble an interrogation and Light didn't like it. "Why do you kiss her then?"

"I've already said I don't have any special feelings towards her. I just... don't want to hurt her, besides I feel responsible for the circumstances she found herself in."

"Ah... So I thought."

They stayed silent for about a minute and Light could swear he could hear L's thoughts that were confronting the facts and probably marking up percentages of probability of Light being Kira. It honestly sickened him that L was ready to turn everything, every conversation of theirs to be Kira-related. So, Light sighed and asked as casually as he could:

"Want to kiss?"

The look L gave him made Light instantly regret his words. Fear, astonishment and slight disgust were so obviously displayed in L's eyes, that Light suddenly wanted to punch him in the face. What was so wrong with Light's offer? He could actually teach L how to kiss, so that the detective wouldn't disgrace himself when doing it with a girl. Besides, it would take L's mind off Kira for a change. But judging by the face Ryuzaki was giving him, he took Light's kind offer for something entirely different from a kissing lesson.

"Light-kun, are you a ho-"

"No, I'm not. I meant it in a sense that I could teach you," Light hastily explained, as Ryuzaki's cheeks were getting paler, "not that I  _ want _  to make out with you or something."

For a few seconds Ryuzaki sat still, nibbling at his thumb nervously. Then he casted his gaze down and suddenly his face flushed with a very pink color.

"But is that right?.." he muttered, refusing to look Light in the eyes. "We both are men..."

L's horror and bashfulness over the situation felt almost palpable. He acted as if Light just proposed him to do something utterly morally low, and it made the teenager feel more than a little ashamed of himself. Ryuzaki's timidness was absolutely understandable. Light too would have protested if some man offered something like that to him. Although, he had an experience of a kissing lesson with a boy, namely an old friend of his, who then moved to live in another city. Back then both of them were thirteen and had had their first kisses with girls. But since the girls had refused to go further than usual kisses, and both Light and his friend had been very curious about the thing called 'french kissing', they'd decided to try it together. Light still felt aghast upon remembering how awkward it had felt to do something like that with his friend. Needless to say, after a few minutes of frenzied sloppy and horribly awkward kisses both of them had sworn to keep it a secret and not to talk about that incident ever with anyone. And yet, here Light was, offering such stupid thing to the inexperienced detective, who never really kissed anyone. Gosh...

"Look. Ryuzaki, I'm sorry," he said, "I shouldn't have said that. Please, forgive me."

The detective stayed silent and Light inwardly cursed himself. It seemed Ryuzaki got awfully offended with him... That was until Ryuzaki shifted on the bed and turned to look at him. That moment his face was the epitome of resolution, but despite the look he had, his voice barely did something to hide the nervousness as he spoke the words:

"Let's do it. I will kiss you and you will tell me if I did something wrong."

Light could only blink, absolutely stupefied.

"Or... did Light-kun change his mind?.." in his peripheral vision Light noticed Ryuzaki balling his hands into fists, most probably out of anxiousness.

"No..." was the only thing Light could say before giving a cough and continuing, "No, I didn't change my mind. I was merely taken aback with your sudden decision."

"It wasn't that sudden," L told him calmly, reaching to a nightstand and rummaging in the drawers in search of something. "I told you I was curious about kissing, and considering the fact you are willing to provide me with an opportunity to try it, I decided to not let it go unacknowledged."

Then Ryuzaki stood up, something white grasped in his hand.

"Alright. Close your eyes," he said, his unnaturally long and thin fingers fiddled with that something.

And then suddenly Light's brain chose to start working and made him have second thoughts about the matter and find more and more arguments against the crazy idea. Not surprisingly, Light felt apprehensive. He shouldn't have proposed L such thing. It wasn't right, and, besides, how could a detective kiss his suspect? Even if it didn't mean anything, even if both of them wouldn't mention it again, it was still disturbing. L wasn't his friend, L was more of a stranger, so how was he supposed to kiss a guy he knew pretty much nothing about?!

But before Light could voice his misgivings, L pressed something to his mouth. Something white, cottony and pleasantly smelling. It was then that Light recognized it was a tissue that L held in his hand just few seconds ago. Quirking his eyebrow, Light was going to ask the detective why the hell he needed to put that thing over his mouth, but didn't get a chance, as Ryuzaki screwed his eyes shut and leaned closer, quickly pecking Light somewhere on the side of his lips.

"There, I did it." L muttered, recoiling off the teenager at the speed of light. It all happened so fast, that Light didn't even get a chance to blink, let alone feel something. He silently stared at L, who scooted away from him, now sitting as far as it was possible, still toying with the tissue in his hands.

"What was that?" Light could barely recognize his own voice, as for some reason it sounded hoarse. "The thing you did just now... what was it?"

"I kissed you." L wasn't looking at him, as he all but whispered the words, seemingly busy with hypnotizing the carpet on the floor. "It wouldn't be appropriate if we did it without any kind of protection, so I chose to use a tissue in order to prevent undesirable consequences."

"Protection?" Light repeated dumbly. Protection, he said. Light suddenly found that he didn't know what to feel about Ryuzaki's words and actions anymore. On the one hand it was amusing to the point of being ridiculous, but on the other... Light found it to be vaguely offensive. He wasn't contagious, and his looks didn't exactly make people cringe, so why the heck would L choose to use a tissue in order to perform such a simple action as a peck on the lips?

Light carefully squinted his eyes at the detective, who sat still, his knees pressed to his chest. Right now he looked as though his biggest wish was to hide away, and Light could almost see the invisible barrier Ryuzaki raised around himself in a matter of seconds. For a minute he observed the sharp angles of the person beside him – L was all bones, pointed, angular and strangely awkward. Perhaps, L's problem was not hidden in Light. Perhaps, L was unsure about himself. Light leaned a little bit forward to take a peek at the detective's face, but the other quickly turned his head away.

No, scratch that. The problem definitely laid in Ryuzaki's diffidence in such matters.

"It doesn't count." Light said unexpectedly for himself. Ryuzaki flinched before gingerly glancing at him. "The kiss you gave. You do know that you didn't place it on my lips, right?"

"It's hard to tell where your lips are, when they are covered with a tissue," L mumbled, starting to chew on his thumb.

"Well then, how about you repeat without this 'protection' of yours?" Light smirked. For some reason, it felt enormously satisfying to watch L being all anxious and protective.

"No."

"Then I guess our lesson is over." Light shrugged his shoulders, but before he could stand up, L reached out with his hand and pinched the sleeve of Light's pullover.

"Give me another try," he mouthed.

"Why?"

"I don't think I learned something. To be completely honest, I barely felt anything. I want you to give me another chance."

L finally raised his head to look Light in the eyes. And despite that he tried to put an apathetically defiant mask on his face, the slowly darkening cheeks and glistening eyes betrayed his embarrassment right away. Light found it was quite endearing. In the back of his mind he also noticed that Ryuzaki blushed a pretty shade of pink, which made him look so very young.

"Alright." Light finally said after a minute of contemplation, and sat back down, while Ryuzaki stood up yet again. The chain of the handcuffs jingled as he moved his hand to carefully pinch out another tissue from a box.

"I hope you don't mind it?" he intoned, coming closer.

"What's the point in asking me now?" Light grumbled, as Ryuzaki yet again pressed the tissue to his mouth.

"Please don't move." The detective let out a nervous exhalation and muttered, seemingly more to himself: "Alright... Okay..."

For the second time he leaned close to Light's face, only this time around, his eyes were wide open. There were just a few inches between them, and Light could feel Ryuzaki's warm breath as they gazed each other into the eyes.

When a minute passed and Ryuzaki didn't make a move, Light arched his eyebrow questioningly.

"Are we playing a staring contest?" he muttered, the tissue moving with each of his word.

"Don't say anything. Close your eyes." L squinted, looking rather irritated.

"You're quite demanding. Why don't you close your eyes?"

"Because I need to see where I place my lips. But you keep staring at me and hinder my actions." Ryuzaki was silent for a few moments before he sighed and mumbled: "Please close them. You are distracting me."

Barely suppressing the urge to roll his eyes, Light obeyed and lowered his eyelids, wishing for it to just be over and done with. He counted two more of Ryuzaki's quiet exhalations before he felt something bumping into and almost flattening his nose, while a certain warmth touched and lingered on his lips for a few seconds.

"This is not working out." Ryuzaki muttered, withdrawing himself. "Your nose is too big. I can barely reach your lips and it's difficult to breathe because your nose just flattens mine."

"Excuse me?" Light opened his eyes with a start only to glare at the detective. "My nose has nothing to do with you being unable to kiss properly! And then again, it was your nose that nearly crushed mine!"

"I think I did everything right this time. My lips were on yours, just as they were supposed to. It's not yours or mine fault that our noses are apparently incompatible," Ryuzaki shrugged his shoulders and it made Light only more peeved.  _ 'Incompatible noses, my ass, _ ' he thought, still glaring at Ryuzaki. And this guy was supposed to be the greatest mind in the world.

"Get back here," Light growled darkly, yanking the chain, so that the detective almost flew onto the bed. "Where is that goddamn tissue?" he snarled, searching around the bedspread with his eyes.

Strangely enough, L didn't voice his displeasure with Light's harsh actions and merely raised his hand with a slightly tattered tissue clutched in it. Still grunting, Light snatched the paper piece from L's hand and placed it firmly over the detective's face, so that it covered everything below his nose.

"I'll show you," Light said, cupping Ryuzaki's face. The detective only blinked and resumed staring at him with round eyes. "Tilt your head to the side a little. Yes, just like that. Now open your mouth."

L gave him a bewildered look, but executed the command, so that his mouth now formed an 'o'. Light sighed with pointed exasperation and shook his head.

"No, not so wide. I'm not going to put anything in it, for god's sake. Just part your lips slightly."

Light watched as the tissue on L's face moved and he could tell that Ryuzaki did just like he said. Nodding, Light looked him in the eyes once again.

"Now... close your eyes." He said it in a whisper, suddenly scared to talk out loud. His heart missed a beat, as he leaned a little closer. Ryuzaki's face felt hot under his fingers and Light was certain that his cheeks were burning from both shame and anticipation. The tender skin of Ryuzaki's eyelids kept twitching slightly as his breath was leaving lungs in short puffs. The more Light looked at him, the harder it was becoming to actually close the gap between their faces, because unlike Ryuzaki, he couldn't get away with just a peck. He promised to show a real kiss after all.

"Light-kun?.." L whispered, his voice barely audible.

Swallowing a lump in his throat, Light closed his eyes and leaned forward, gently pressing his lips to L's. Upon the contact, the detective tensed up so incredibly, that Light could feel it in the way L sat perfectly still, frozen on one spot like a statue. Deciding to ignore L's reaction for the time being, Light tried to mesh their lips together, but found that Ryuzaki wasn't responsive in the least. Even his lips felt like they turned into immobile stones.

"Relax, Ryuzaki, I won't do anything bad..." Light whispered, caressing L's cheek with his fingers before letting them travel further to slide through the thick soft hair.

He kept kneading through the locks in a placating manner before he felt Ryuzaki relaxing slightly and letting out a spasmodic gasp. Light smiled and leaned in again, this time successfully catching L's lower lip between his own and trying to give it a gentle nip.

The damn tissue was becoming a nuisance – it kept sticking to their lips and Light couldn't help but cringe at the feeling and the bland taste. Nevertheless, he continued placing feather-light kisses on L's lips through a tissue, while his fingers were gently kneading L's hair.

It was gradually becoming somewhat pleasant. Ryuzaki was all smooth and soft under his touch, like clay, and obediently turned his head this and that way whenever Light urged him to.

A soft sigh left Ryuzaki's lips when Light became a little more daring and nipped at his lip with his teeth. Then Ryuzaki did something Light honestly wasn't expecting from him – he kissed Light back. It was a timid, but all the while daring touch, that occurred when Light was yet again capturing L's upper lip between his, and got utterly surprised to feel Ryuzaki mimicking the action. He halted for a moment, but Ryuzaki resumed on his own, gently nipping at Light's lower lip and kissing it before switching to another one.

As time passed, the tissue became wet and absolutely thrashed, but none of them really minded it anymore.

After what felt like ten minutes, Light moved slightly away, deciding to take a breather, but Ryuzaki's hands gripped at his shoulders, forcing him to stay and continue the kiss.

"Ryuzaki..." Light whispered in between the kisses, "this tissue is becoming disgusti-," he never got a chance to finish the thought, since L interrupted him with a kiss yet again. Light frowned and cupped Ryuzaki's face, opening his own eyes and keeping the detective at a distance. "Ryuzaki, open your eyes, listen to me," he said in a stern voice.

When the shower of kisses ended abruptly, L grudgingly cracked his glazed eyes open and looked at Light, not really understanding the reason as to why the teen chose to end this so quickly.

"What?" he muttered, and Light almost felt like snickering when he looked at L. The ill-fated tissue sticked itself to L's lips, now jittering with each breath the detective took. But that probably was the only thing laughable about L at that moment. In all honesty, Ryuzaki looked excited for the first time in Light's memory – his eyes were glistening wet, and cheeks were flushing pink, as he looked at his suspect with the gaze that conveyed he wasn't exactly processing what was happenings. It was then that Light got seriously bewildered with L's eyes, because it was the first and the last time he saw something like that - there was no lustful craving in Ryuzaki's dark orbs, rather it was surprise and not quite conscious desire.

"Is it... over?" L asked, slowly obtaining his sense and gradually turning more and more red.

"No. Take this damn thing away," Light said firmly, yanking the tissue off Ryuzaki's lips and leaning extremely close to L's face. "It doesn't count as a kiss if you can't taste it." These last words he mouthed in a whisper, placing his hands to hold Ryuzaki's head in place before swiftly closing the distance between them and finally taking, tasting and almost choking on everything that hit him so suddenly.

The softness of those lips was succulent and felt tender, as he nipped and bit at it cautiously. When Ryuzaki once again began responding to his kisses, Light lost it completely. Never before had he had his mind blown away by a kiss, but that moment it damn felt like it. He let his right hand travel down L's back, where he rested it on his waist and pulled him closer, sucking on that luscious, pliant flesh. L reciprocated his new-found passion with an equal vigor, readily climbing on Light's knees, capturing him in between of his legs, that he immediately wrapped around Light's torso to keep them as close as it was possible.

The heat was slowly but surely overwhelming Light's entire being, as his lips abused Ryuzaki's and his hands kept gliding up and down his back.

"Do you want to go further?" he whispered huskily, as both of them parted for air. "There's one more thing I could show you."

"Please do." L answered and didn't wait for Light to start kissing him again, this time leaning closer and capturing his lips first. Before L could let go, Light licked at his lip that was trapped in between of his own and L didn't fail to recreate the action a moment later, consolidating his success with a few more flicks.

And it was very soon that Light's tongue parted those soft and pliable lips, which so obediently followed the curve of his mouth, as though they were designed specially for him. They toyed with each other's tongues, exploring the sensitive spots, while muffled groans kept getting lost in between their tightly sealed mouths.

With each flick of L's tongue on his, with each whimper and gasp that Ryuzaki uttered, Light felt like twitching from the pure electric shock that rapidly surged from his chest to the groin in a scorching, maddening flash that dissolved in waves of warmth. He knew that he'd long since gotten hard, and could feel the prove of Ryuzaki's arousal that was occasionally brushing against his own.

If he wasn't so worked up, he'd have probably gotten horrified with his own reaction, but since the need had replaced the brains in his head, all the embarrassment and shame had also been left somewhere in the background, as he tore himself from Ryuzaki's lips and latched at his neck instead, kissing, scraping the skin with his teeth and licking at the small pointed Adam's apple, as L threw his head back, whimpering at Light's hands on his hips that drove him down, so very close to Light.

"Ryuzaki..." Light whispered, watching the said detective bite his lip in an attempt to hold back moans, as he lowered himself to press against Light one more time. The friction caused pleasure to spread all over Light's body, and he felt his eyes rolling into his skull out of pure need. This was going too far. He absolutely did not intend to take it this way, and he had no idea how both of them would feel and act like in the morning. He had to stop it for their own sake, before he lost those pitiful drops of self-control that were left.

"Ryuzaki, isn't this too much?" he whispered, but groaned as L switched tactics and now clutched at Light's shoulders, rubbing against him while keeping his face hidden in the crook of Light's neck. "Ryuzaki, look at me."

L half-opened his eyes and gazed at Light, licking his lips and panting heavily. And before Light could stop himself, he claimed Ryuzaki's willing mouth again while his hand squeezed L's backside with an unexpected possessiveness.

"We should stop right now," as the kiss was over, Light once again tried to talk some sense into both L and himself. "We... Damn... Ah..."

"No..." L's hot mouth was right above his ear, as he whispered the words, never stopping the movements of the lower part of his body. "No, Light-kun, don't stop... Ngh... Let's go on, let's go on..."

And when L said those words, Light understood that he just wouldn't be able to stop, even if he wanted. Even if his father were to burst into the room right in that moment, Light wouldn't stop kissing Ryuzaki, who was whimpering and pressing onto him. Even if the whole task force were going to stare at them, Light wouldn't be able to stop. Just because L asked him not to.

And so his hand crept to slowly undo the button of Ryuzaki's jeans and feel him with Light's palm, earning a moan. His fingers felt a little too clumsy when he unzipped and tugged the jeans down along with the underwear.

Ryuzaki suddenly froze, as though it was only then that it dawned on him what exactly he and Light were doing. Light halted as well, giving his partner a chance to back away or whisper he wasn't ready, or do anything that would let Light know he didn't want to continue.

But Ryuzaki's arms came around his neck, and Light felt him placing a small kiss on his cheek. At the same moment Light wrapped his hand around the shaft, giving it a soft squeeze.

He felt like he would jump out of his skin at any moment. He reached up to Ryuzaki, pressing his bony body closer, kissing his sharp face, nose, and fluttering eyelids. Light tried to act as if the flesh he was holding was his own, and handled it accordingly – played with the wet head, traced his nails along the protruding vein, confidently squeezed small testes... All the time Ryuzaki sat still, it seemed as if he even forgot how to breathe, and the only times Light heard him letting out and inhaling air, was when L gasped at his touches. Daring for the umpteenth time that night, Light let his fingers run between the buttocks, barely touching the opening.

Ryuzaki froze again, this time out of fear that Light would demand – or offer – to do something that he was completely unprepared for. But Light, sensing all those fears, kissed his lips and merely pulled down his own pajamas pants, inwardly cheering over the fact he didn't have to fiddle with belt and zipper of trousers. L let out a gasp of astonishment as Light brought their members together and slid his hand along the connected shafts. And it was soon that their bodies were melting in each other's heat, as Ryuzaki was shamelessly arching his back, poking into Light's hand that kept moving in such right and skillful way. He was hugging Light's nape and stroking his hair, while his forehead rested against Light's, as the other could feel his hot breath on his lips.

It was frighteningly good to do it in semidarkness, in silence, and it was then that Light suddenly found it easy to believe that everything that was happening – was the most natural thing imaginable. That it was the way it should have always been. That he'd found L and L had found him – to be together, like this. That the circumstances were meant to let them get to know each other and become close.

It was an awfully sentimental idea, and he felt his eyes sting with tears, which were there probably only due to the impending release. L suddenly let out a whiny sob in his ear – and came, they both came at the same time. Semen poured through Light's fingers down on their thighs.

For a few moments, Ryuzaki stayed still, sitting on him, their foreheads still pressed against each other. Then L slipped from his knees to lay on the bed, tugging and bringing Light along. And Light didn't know if he should hug him or just stay still. They both were panting in exhaustion. Then L reached out and ran his fingers down Light's nose.

"It's not that big after all," he whispered.

Light caught his palm and replied, trying to sound sarcastic:

"I wonder if you're talking about my nose or another part of my anatomy?"

"Make a guess," L smiled. But soon his smile faded away, as his eyes obtained a dark expression and the features of his face started to slowly lose liveliness. "What are we going to do now?"

The words were said in a whisper. Light glanced at him apathetically, feeling too spent and tired to try and bring himself to care about the consequences of the night.

"I don't know," he said, closing his eyes. Then he sighed and reached out for a towel, that was laying on the bedspread, and wiped his fingers clean from the nasty evidence of the night. "Try not to think about it, perhaps. Let's just say it was an unforeseen turn of events. There's no one to blame, none of us knew it would end like it did."

What a blatant lie. Light knew what he was doing when snatching the tissue away from L's lips. He knew how it would end when he started sticking his tongue into Ryuzaki's mouth. He perfectly well knew that Ryuzaki wouldn't be able to either control or stop himself, because Light realized it just was not in L's nature to stop when he enjoyed doing something. The responsibility for what they had done laid solely on him, and yet he didn't want to face the truth and admit he all but flew off the handle and let the desire to overshadow common sense.

But Ryuzaki seemed to believe his words, or rather chose to believe them. He nodded and then suddenly a mirthless laugh left his lips.

"What?"

"Nothing. It just dawned on me we never locked the door, and I did give my permission to Amane-san to visit you whenever she so wishes. I can imagine what she would say, if she saw what kind of techniques Light-kun's mastering when she's not around."

"She'd slap the hell out of both you and me. Though, Misa would not be the worst one to stumble upon us. It could be my father. Or anyone from the task force, really."

"Watari probably saw it all..." L told him quietly, and Light snapped his head to look at him. "He watches over the surveillance cameras, so he must already know..."

"Really?.."

"Yes."

"Well... we can't do much about it. Maybe he won't mention it and will eventually forget about this occurrence?"

"Would your father ever forget what you did, were he to come upon us earlier this night?"

"No."

"Then you have your answer," Ryuzaki answered and sighed. After a minute of silence, he spoke again: "I don't regret about what has transpired. I quite enjoyed it."

"You sure did." Light sniffed scornfully and glanced at his companion. "Just let's not talk about it again. Ever."

L turned his head to stare at Light. Then he moved to lay on his side, propping himself with his elbow, all the while keeping his eyes fixed on his captive's face.

"Why not?" he asked. "You enjoyed it just as much as I did."

"So what? What's the point in talking about something that is going to stay in the past and never to be repeated again?"

For a few moments they stared at each other. Then L blinked a couple of times and lowered himself on the bed again, turning his back to Light.

"I see," he mumbled.

Light didn't know whether to laugh or feel frustrated with L's immature behavior. Because the way L reacted to his words, very much reminded Light of his little sister, who would pout and refuse to look at him whenever he said something she didn't like. And normally Light would have ignored and forgot about such a childish offense but... The person before him wasn't his little sister. It was a man, the world's top detective at that, who sulked with him for whatever reason.

Light frowned, barely keeping himself from groaning in exasperation. He had to talk to L about the matter now, otherwise it would have ended up with the detective being in a nasty mood for several days.

"What now?" Light asked, poking L's back.

"I don't think I understand what Yagami-kun is trying to say."

"Quit fooling around, Ryuzaki. What did I do to spoil your mood?"

Light actually had his guesses about the reasons of L's offense, but he needed to be sure. Because even a thought that L actually reckoned their intimate affair to have a continuation, seemed ridiculous and a little arrogant.

"Nothing."

Right. As if Light would believe him, when Ryuzaki said his 'nothing' in such a dark voice. So, Light sighed and swiftly moved to hover above L.

"Were you expecting me to continue being intimate with you?" he asked straight to the point, watching Ryuzaki's reaction. The other jerked up his eyebrows and said:

"The only thing I can possibly expect Yagami-kun to do, is to admit he is Kira."

"Don't start this again," Light frowned. "Listen, Ryuzaki, I thought you realized that what we did, was a mistake. Yes, we both gained pleasure from that, but now we have to forget about it."

"I understand. And I fail to see the reason for you to keep on bringing up that incident into conversation while you, yourself, asked me to never speak about it again."

"Damn it, Ryuzaki! Just tell me what bothers you!"

"Nothing that might be of your concern," L looked at him asquint. "Let's just call it a day and go to sleep."

"No, let's clear the matters firsthand. Be honest for once and say what's on your mind."

"How am I not being honest? I merely can't comprehend your fixation with this little problem we have. Actually, it makes me think that Yagami-kun is deeply bothered by what he did."

"What?.." Light knitted his eyebrows, moving aside, as Ryuzaki sat on the bed, bringing his knees to his chest.

"Oh, you don't understand? Or you don't want to understand? Honestly, Light-kun, let's just forget about everything, as you proposed. Right now it seems as if you're trying to somehow look for a way to make amends for what you did to me. You have absolutely no reasons to worry. It was consensual."

As Ryuzaki went on with his speech, Light once again felt confusing emotions clashing in his mind. The more L spoke, the bigger got Light's desire to punch him in the face, but for some reason he also felt very guilty.

So, Light took a defensive position, folding his arms on his chest and arching his eyebrow:

"You make it sound like I fucked you."

"Did you not?"

"No! God, no!" the emotion that was ripping his chest with the pure power of feelings it brought, made Light hop to his feet and stand before L, who stared at him with passive gaze. "Where did you get that from?!"

"You touched me in a way, that can only be described as sexual."

"So? Is this the reason as to why you act like a monastic novice, who got seduced by a lustful senor or something? What the fuck?!"

"Do not exaggerate it, Yagami-kun," L shot him an annoyed glance. "Besides, why do you respond so keenly? I can't help but think that this matter troubles you deeply, and that's why I told you not to worry about it."

"How can I not react to this, huh? You're basically telling me that I took your virginity or whatever, and it makes me feel as if I  _ have _  to do something about it!"

"The only thing you  _ have _  to do, is to forget about the whole occurrence."

"How can I?!" Light nearly howled. "How can I forget, when you look at me with these accusing eyes?"

"Accusing? I believe this is your imagination playing tricks on you. The only advice I have for you, is to stop with this train of thoughts. It won't get you anywhere." And then Ryuzaki made a face that ultimately solidified Light's suspicions: L was very offended.

"Damn it, Ryuzaki," Light hissed, suddenly taking a step forward and grasping the detective's shoulders in his hands, shaking him a little. "What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing..." L whispered, looking into his eyes and never failing to send shivers to run down Light's spine.

"Will it make you happier, if we make the thing we did tonight a constant?"

"Will it reduce the guilt you feel?"

"I don't know. I can't say for certain right now."

"Do you want for this... thing between us to continue?.." L asked once again, looking at him.

"..."

Did Light want for this to go on? Did he really want it?

There was no point in lying to himself. He was so jittery because he felt at fault, and most of all his guilt was directed at his own secret desire for L to whisper 'Yes' to him, when Light asked if the detective wished to go on. It was wrong on so many levels, and yet he realized if he would refuse to touch Ryuzaki ever again, from that point on he would be doomed to suffer, regretting over the missed chance, stifling the desire and fighting against himself.

And if he would agree to continue their small intimate game... Boy, would it mess with his life. He couldn't yet predict when, where and what exactly would change, but he knew that his consent would result in an irrevocable and probably deadly mistake. Some inner voice kept whispering to dump, forget and spit on this crazy idea, but it was then that Ryuzaki's eyes obtained a vulnerable and endlessly sad expression. Light knew he was expecting to hear a rejection.

L lowered his eyelids, and Light noticed how his lashes seemed ink-black against the pale skin. He was beautiful that moment. Distant. It was hard to believe that it was the same person, who was panting under his hands just a few minutes ago.

"Alright..." Light whispered. "Let's do it. Just try not to mess up and accidentally tell someone about it."


	3. Noon

"Light-kun, good morning!" Matsuda's voice greets Light as soon as he steps over the threshold of the building's hall. Judging by the young policeman's disheveled appearance and overall downcast look, the morning's not been that good for him. "Thanks god you're here, I thought you wouldn't come... Ryuzaki is in an awful mood today. Perhaps, your visit would take his mind off the trouble?"

"Good morning, Matsuda-san." Light smiles at the man. "You look quite perturbed. Did Ryuzaki manage to spoil your mood as well? What happened anyway?"

"Ah, nothing of much importance," Matsuda shakes his head, sighing. "It's just Ryuzaki ran out of sweets and had to send Watari to order something for him. But delivery might take awhile, so in the meantime he's a little restless."

"Is that so?" Light laughs. "Well then, I guess I'm just in time. I brought him a cake you see."

Light raises a box in his hand, allowing the young policeman to take a good look at it.

"Uwah! Light-kun, how did you guess Ryuzaki would need that thing?" Matsuda almost flails his hands but thinks better of it, as soon as he remembers about a stack of papers he's holding. "Did he call and ask you to buy something for him?"

"No, nothing like that. I just thought it would be nice to give him a present."

"Really? That's very prophetic of you. Oh, I know! You probably thought of Ryuzaki in time of his trouble, because two of you have become really close friends. Could it be that you have that kind of connection between you and he... What's it called?..." Matsuda mumbles, trying to call to mind the proper word.

"A mental one?" Light asks, tilting his head to the side.

"Yes, exactly!" Matsuda gives him a broad smile in reply.

Light mimics the action and then makes a little confused face, raising his eyebrows:

"It's time for me to go. The sooner Ryuzaki gets the cake, the better it would be for everybody."

"Of course, of course! Go inside!" Matsuda ushers him. "I'll go and prepare coffee!"

 

* * *

 

Quiet hum of computers and stillness greet Light, as he steps into the investigation room. The premises are empty, which feels unusual and a little unsettling. Immediately, Lights's eyes settle on the mess of black hair that peek above the chair in the very middle of the long desk. Beside L, hidden in shadows, towers a grotesque and quite menacing figure of a death god – Rem. L doesn't turn his head, neither does he say anything, as Light comes closer, until he's few steps away from L's seat. The shinigami stays equally silent, watching him with its serpentine yellow eyes.

"Good morning, Ryuzaki." Light says softly and carefully places a box beside L's right hand.

"What's this?" L squints his eyes at the box and briefly glances at Light's face before turning his gaze back to the monitor.

"You're not in a good mood today, are you?" Light sighs and moves his chair a little closer to L's before taking a seat. He crosses his legs and gives the detective a smile. "Then my present should be most welcome. Please, accept it."

L still doesn't look at him, staring at the blank screen before his eyes.

"Thank you." He says finally, but doesn't move a finger to unwrap the laces on the cake box. "But I don't think I understand your motive to treat me to such present."

"Consider it a gratitude for the time you spared on me. It was a priceless experience that I got while being around you, so I found it necessary to show my appreciation." Light shrugs his shoulders elegantly.

"Is that so? I am very touched with your gesture. A cake is indeed the most suitable thing to show how Yagami-kun values my attention."

L's words are pointedly bland and straightforward. He doesn't even make an effort to hide bitter ironic notes in his voice. Light smiles, trying to swallow down the sneaky insult. 'Is that how  _ much _  you value me?' is what L means. Light should have seen it coming.

So he laughs heartedly and says in apologetic voice:

"I'm sorry that you took it that way, Ryuzaki. But I'm just a university student right now, and I can't really afford anything that would properly convey the level of gratitude I feel. So, please, forgive this present of mine."

"Yagami-kun shouldn't worry. I'm more than pleased to learn I was of some help to him."

"Help? You were so much more than that, don't you know it, Ryuzaki?"

"I had my suspicions." L finally turns his head to look at Light. He even forces some kind of a wooden smile to appear on his face when saying next words: "I was more than that."

He keeps looking Light in the eyes, that artificial and unnerving smile still stretching his lips. And Light knows Ryuzaki is doing that on purpose, but the purpose itself is not clear.

Before Light can gather up thoughts to come with a reply, the entrance doors open and a cheerful, sugary voice resounds:

"Hello everyone!"

Light turns his head to look at Aiber who looks around, surprised.

"Hm, there's nobody here today. Slacking from work, eh?"

Aiber then laughs and start strolling forward, smiling all the way. Ever so slightly, Light screws up his eyes in disapproval. He's never liked the man. Everything about Aiber has screamed of deceive, vile motives and barefaced smugness. Light makes a mental note to kill the fraud right after he's done with L.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Aiber utters as soon as he reaches the detective, winking at him. Light barely restrains from cringing at the sycophantic notes in the fraud's voice. He watches as Aiber's gaze darts along the littered surface of L's workplace and then stumbles on a cake. "Oh man, am I just in time for a party? Who's the birthday boy here? Don't tell me it's you?"

The fraud keeps smiling at L who raises his eyes to give an apathetic stare.

"No. There is no party." He says. "Just cake."

"My, my what a pity. And here I thought I would get treated for once."

L squints his eyes, pressing his lips into a thin line. He turns away from Aiber and focuses his gaze on a diagram, displayed on the computer's monitor.

"Enough of the idle chat. I believe you want something from me?"

"Yes, you see..." Aiber begins, but before he has a chance to say what's on his mind, the entrance doors open once again and Matsuda bursts in, pushing a loaded serving cart before him.

"Ryuzaki, here comes your coffee!" he chirps as he comes to a stop beside L's chair.

Light glances at the detective, who gives Matsuda unimpressed eyes and mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like "Why do all of you just have to stand so close to me".

"Oh, Aiber-san, good morning!" the young policeman says, as his eyes meet Aiber's. "Would you like some coffee, too?"

"Sure!"

"And how about you, Light-kun?"

"Yes, thank you." Light says with a smile. He watches, as dark expression on L's face changes into exasperation and then Ryuzaki stands up, hunching his back and shuffling to a sofa.

"Why don't we all just have a coffee-break then?" L mumbles as he perches there, gesturing for Light and Aiber to join. "Please take your seats. Matsuda-san, would you be so kind to cut the cake and pour drinks?"

"O-of course!" the other stutters and quickly carries out the order, placing a plate with a piece of cake on it before L. "Here's one for you, Ryuzaki. I noticed you like strawberries, so for you I cut a piece that has two of them."

"That's very caring of you."

"And this is for Aiber-san," Matsuda says, as he passes the plate to the fraud. "And this is for Light-kun..."

"No, thank you. I'm fine. I'll do with coffee."

"Oh... Then I'll leave it here? Perhaps, you will change your mind?" Matsuda laughs, albeit nervously, and starts backing away.

"Won't you join us, Matsuda-san?" L asks him, most probably for the sake of common courtesy.

"No, no! I should get back to work. Well... enjoy your meal!"

With that Matsuda's just about to scurry away to his place but L's voice stops him.

"You can have a rest, Matsuda-san."

Light glances at the detective who doesn't even look at his interlocutor as he speaks:

"I told everybody to take a day off but you came nonetheless. I'm grateful for your help today, but now you may go home." L finally raises his head to look at Matsuda. A faint smile quirks the corners of his lips. "Everyone needs a little rest now and then."

Something seems strange about the way Ryuzaki talks with the policeman. Something seems off about Ryuzaki in general today. Can this be a reason for worry? Light frowns. He can't say he feels intimidated by L anymore – what can the detective possibly do to him, when any step he would take might very well end up with him being dead? Still, any change in L's behavior, significant or not, should not pass neglected. And so, Light silently watches the detective, careful not to miss any sign of a potential threat. He doesn't take his eyes off, much like the shinigami behind L's back, watching Ryuzaki's fine profile, his pointed nose, wide unblinking eyes, and it's pretty late that he notices he stops watching L and starts simply staring, eyes devouring the colorless features of Ryuzaki's face. He doesn't hear what Matsuda has to mumble to L in response, and it registers only in the back of his mind that the entrance doors open and close again, leaving four of them in complete silence.

"What's the matter, Light-kun?" L intones, adding sugar cubes into his cup. "You look agitated. Here, have some sugar."

And before Light can do so much as blink, L swiftly drops four cubes into Light's cup. That's when Light snaps out of his stupor and reacts the way he always does when Ryuzaki acts rude – meaning Light smacks a palm of his hand against his face and sighs.

"How many times do I have to tell you I don't put that much sugar in my drinks? Honestly, Ryuzaki, one'd think you'd learn after so much time."

"I'm sorry... Do you want to have mine?"

"You already added five sugar cubes in it, didn't you? No thanks, don't bother."

L downcasts his eyes, looking dejected. Light huffs and crosses his arms on his chest. And the silence between them is most probable to last for good five minutes, but unexpectedly Aiber decides to ruin it with his merry laughter.

"Good god, you two act like children in kindergarten. Here, take my cup, Light-kun. Don't worry I didn't add anything to it." He says and swaps cups without waiting for Light's consent. "Now, don't get sulky with him, Ryuzaki. This wonderful cake should stir you up back in good mood."

Astonished, Light watches as the fraud cuts a piece from the cake slice with his spoon and then brings that spoon with an appetizing bite to L's lips.

"Open up," Aiber says, and Light freezes at spot as he watches L, who crinkles his nose at first but then sniffs and timidly parts pink lips, darting his tongue out to lick at the frosting. It looks intimate to the point of being obscene, and Light can't take his eyes off that deftly moving wet flesh, that licks away at the piece of cake. It's not surprising at all that he's reminded of the numerous times when that very tongue licked at the certain thing, that now sends exciting signals from his nether regions straight to his brains. Damn. Damn L. He now goes too far and half-closes his eyes, giving them a sultry and a bit too experienced look while staring at... no, not at Light. It's Aiber to who he gives that eyeful that practically has the words 'fuck me' written in bold letters. Light's eyes dart to glance at Aiber, who doesn't take his leer off L for a second, his lips stretched in a smile that does little to hide his thoughts that are frighteningly similar to the thoughts Light himself had just a few seconds ago.

Something dark and ugly squeezes Light's chest as he watches the exchange. Due to very definite reasons, Light finds he wants to crush his fist against both Aiber's and Ryuzaki's faces – Aiber for daring to act with L in such frivolous and outrageously disrespectful manner, and L for letting the fraud do as he wants. Hell, Ryuzaki never let Light do something like that when there were people around them, he was flinching away from a mere brush of fingers that could get witnessed. But now he thinks it's okay to show his tongue skills by sucking at a spoon?

"Crying shame." Light says, his cold gaze directed at the wall behind L's back.

"I'm sorry?" Aiber turns his head to the teenager, never halting with feeding Ryuzaki.

"Don't you think you're taking it too far, Aiber-san?" Light says slowly, squinting his eyes at the blond man. "While your gesture's, as I suppose, dictated by pure care and innocent wish to gladden Ryuzaki, it still is degrading towards L. I'm pretty sure he is capable of eating by himself."

Aiber freezes for a moment but then laughs, throwing his head back. Light narrows his eyes, looking at the man.

"My, my. I'm sorry." Aiber says, smiling all the while. "I tend to forget that people here in Japan do not approve of public displays of affection."

"Affection?" Light feels his eyebrows fly up his forehead despite his will. "Somehow, I doubt that 'affection' is the right word to use when talking about one's management."

"That might be so. But Ryuzaki, too, is not your typical kind of management, won't you agree?"

Light's jaw tightens in disapproval as he lets out a "Hmph"' and lowers his gaze to a cup of coffee on the table before him. He honestly wants to say something sarcastic, that would let Aiber know just how rude and disrespectful he acts. For a very unclear reason, he also vehemently wishes to grasp the fraud by the scruff of the neck and kick him out of the room. Carefully, Light squints his eyes to take another glance at the man in question. Aiber seems to have regained his flirty face as he all but ignores Light's opinion about the matter and continues to shove his stupid spoon into Ryuzaki's willing mouth. Absolutely disgusted, Light watches the wide smile and decidedly predatory glint of Aiber's hungry eyes, both of which are directed towards L, as the fraud looms over him.

Aiber definitely has to go. Such horrible, rude, menacing, lewd men are not allowed to live in the new pure world Light's striving to create. Light grits his teeth, as he mulls over the fact he can't kill the man afore L, seeing as it would definitely alert the detective. But...that leads him to another headache of trouble - L has to die. And that in turn would somewhat make Aiber's death useless. No, wait. Why would Aiber's death get useless all of a sudden? The fraud's tricked hundreds of naïve people and he has doubtfully earned a single coin by honest work – aren't those reasons enough to do a favor to the world by getting rid of such scum of a man? Not to mention that dead Aiber would never again try to seduce and take advantage of another oblivious and gullible being like L.

Light stops the current of his thoughts abruptly. Oblivious? Gullible? Did he really use those words to describe L? Of all people out there it's Light, who's ought to know the best that L's not to be characterized with those words. L is cunning. Tricky. He must have calculated all of this, just to fish a reaction out of Light, just to find yet another inconsequential glimpse of Kira lurking within Light's eyes. It can't be L's way to attract his attention. L never cared enough anyway. So... entrapment, that's what it is.

Light stares at the cup of already lukewarm coffee in front of him, eyes and face both void of emotions, completely entrenched in his thoughts. He doesn't notice L, who observes him carefully, hiding his eyes behind the bangs of his hair.

L casts his gaze down, feeling disappointed. He ignores another spoonful that Aiber pokes against his lips. He doesn't need to be fed by anyone. What good did it do after all? In all honesty, L half-hoped that provoking Light would make the latter show his feelings, but... what feelings could there possibly be talked about, when there's apparently none in Light's heart?

Still sad, L opens his mouth dejectedly to lick away the piece of cake from the spoon that Aiber still holds near his mouth, and thus sooth the strange and unfamiliar aching in his being with sweetness. From the corner of his eyes, he watches as Light stands up.

"Where are you going, Yagami-kun?" L asks, although through his stuffed mouth words come out sounding more like 'Wha u gon, yamiku'. Light spares him a glance that has both indifference and slight revulsion written in it.

"I need to make a call."

"Why not make it here?"

"I don't feel like distracting you two." Light says, and a smirk ghosts over his lips for just a moment. "Why, Ryuzaki, you got suspicious about me again? I thought we settled this matter."

L squirms at his seat, watching Light, as he sighs and makes a helpless gesture.

"Anyway, I'll be around here, so you can watch and listen to me via cameras."

With that he leaves, soils of his shoes make clacking noise that grows quiet and soon disappears completely as Light ascends the stairs.

There's a certain pain in L's heart. The feeling, that he's missed something eats him from the inside, and there's also a ridiculous wish that's overwhelmed him – to run after Light and hug him, press into him, rip open his own chest and let all the half-recognized, mostly unwanted and so painful feelings flow, forcing their way into Light, both his heart and his mind. L doesn't like those feelings, never did. Once, he had a way to shut them down but they have returned - squeezed through a little crack and filled him to the brim. All of the memories, all of the once suppressed and forgotten pain came flushing down at his head, adding to the overpowering feelings of loss, defeat and unreciprocated affection. It was too much. A human can handle this much of emotional ache. And the fact he has to once again fight against himself, is somehow supposed to start everything anew, suddenly exhausted him. All the gravity of the situation at present unfolded, and it happened too fast, too abruptly. That is the trouble of letting the feelings inside. They make a mess even out of the most stoic people.

"It's fun to watch him." Aiber's voice pulls L out of his thoughts. "Won't you agree?"

L blinks and turns his eyes to look at the fraud who sits completely relaxed, his back slacked against sofa.

"Fun?" He echoes. It was fun. But at some point watching Light has turned into a torture.

"Yes. Judging by the look he was giving me, I got a feeling he wanted to kill me. Actually, he reminds me of myself back in the days." Upon noticing the bewildered look L gives him, Aiber laughs light-heartedly and explains: "When I was his age, whenever I gathered with my friends, most of them tugged their girlfriends along, just to make out in front of everybody and prove their masculinity by that. I never did so. I cared about my girlfriend, you see."

L stares. What exactly was that story for?

"I fail to see your point," he admits finally, taking a sip from his cup.

"Oh? Then I'll put it the other way." Aiber clasps his hands together and inclines forward, a little closer to L, saying next words very quietly: "Boys don't like to share their favorite toys. My friends from the past did what they did because they strived for their image and didn't care about their 'flames'. I, on the contrary, cared too much and couldn't act as them, just so to not let anyone even think of my girl the way that could provoke any indecent thoughts."

L blinks once. Suspicion slowly rises in him, along with slight panic. But before he can utter any of the thoughts he has, Aiber reclines on the sofa's back again and says:

"Light is that type of a boy, who would kill, if someone did so much as looked at his favorite toy the wrong way. That's why he reminds me of myself."

Completely astonished, L stares at the man in front of him. Somehow, he feels scared, because Aiber obviously caught onto the thing that's been happening between L and Light, hopeful, that if Aiber's theory is correct, than Light does still feel for him, and a little offended – because he didn't like Aiber's phrasing, especially the 'toy' part. All those feelings make it hard for him to choose the next words, so he holds his silence for a few moments before speaking in unconcerned voice:

"That's a curious observation. Although it makes me wonder what led you to saying those things. There was nothing to prompt your contemplations over the subject." L takes another sip and raises his eyes to look at Aiber. "There are no toys for Yagami-kun here, much less favorite ones."

"Is that so?" Aiber hums thoughtfully as his lips quirk in a smile. "Strange, his reaction to my actions screamed of the contrary. Didn't yourself notice it?"

"Are you talking about Light-kun's coffee? Then you're most probably right. He always gets irritated whenever someone touches his drinks, so there is no wonder he got angry with Aiber-san for swapping the cups."

"I'm talking about you."

L halts and frowns, eyeing the fraud with a displeased expression on his face.

"In no way am I Yagami-kun's toy, as you phrased it."

"I'm sorry if you didn't like my phrasing, but that's the way I can explain it the best." Aiber smiles at him amiably. "I noticed it a while ago: whenever I'd talk to you, Light would always get a little hostile. At first I thought it was due to his upbringing, his father being a chief of the police, and me being a fraud. But after a little while I recognized the emotion in his eyes, even though he did a good job at hiding it, and trust me when I say that the aversion he feels towards me has very little to do with my occupation. Today's incident only solidified my suspicions. The thing is, he likes playing with you and he doesn't want to let anyone else in that game of his. Don't get offended, L, it's just a conclusion based on my observation."

"I'm not offended," L says calmly, "just a little bewildered. But let us change the subject. You said you have business you want to discuss?"

 

L spends about half an hour with Aiber, disputing the only matter that can trouble the fraud – money. For some unholy amount of time Aiber keeps trying to gently push his way and talk L into raising his payment, accentuating the fact he risks his life and needs capital that would grant him a way to obtain means that would provide at least some protection. L calmly argues that due to his occupation, Aiber's always been under a risk, besides he already got the sum from Yotsuba, not to mention the money L paid to him prior all the hassle. Aiber insists, attempting to soften L's heart by mentioning the fact he has children and a wife to take care of. L stays adamant. Then Aiber makes a slightest of hints, saying his services might turn unavailable for L for indefinite period of time due to the fact the detective doesn't value his employee, to which L hints just as slightly that Aiber might turn unavailable for the world, in case he continues with the pattern. That's when the fraud smirks and shakes his head in defeat.

Already in the doorway and prepared to leave, Aiber turns his head to L and waves his hand, saying "Take care". L nods, dismissing the fraud, and it's very soon that he's left all alone in the room. Slowly, L shuffles from the sofa to his seat at the desk, clicking the buttons on the keyboard of his computer and bringing the records of cameras on the display. Picking one of them, he remotes it backwards until he sees a figure of Light on the screen and then presses 'play' button.

He watches as Light on the screen walks down a long hallway until he comes to a stop and glances outside the window. He stands still there for a minute, observing busy streets below, and then fishes out a cell phone from the pocket of his slacks.

"Hello, Misa," he says in a soft voice, "I promised to call you."

L squirms. Due to the angle of the camera he can only see half of Light's face but it's enough to tell that Light is smiling. Somehow, for the next two minutes no sounds come from the teen as he nods his head occasionally, listening to his interlocutor.

"No, we can't meet today, I'm sorry," Light says finally, and after a few moments of silence he adds in a gentle tone: "I don't want to rush the events... Will you promise to be patient and wait?"

There's a pause again and L can just envisage what Misa must have said and looked like those moments.

"I'll call you again tomorrow... I promise. Yes... Yes. Bye."

Light flips his phone closed and then his eyes dart to look directly into the camera. He holds his gaze for a few seconds, keeping L momentarily transfixed with the intensity of the look, but soon jerks his shoulder uncertainly and turns his back to the camera, resuming to walk down the hallway.

 

* * *

 

It's been fifteen minutes since Light departed from the main investigation room and left L and Aiber to their own business. And judging by the fact L hasn't cared to find him, or call him yet, he must be still busy with that dirt of a man. Whatever. It's not like Light should care. After all, it was nothing but another trap or test that Ryuzaki decided to subject him under in order to reveal something that would make sense and have meaning to him only. But the way he chose to do it was quite discreet and inconvenient, which makes Light second guess L's true reasons behind the act. Perhaps, it wasn't a test at all. Perhaps, L just did what he wanted to do. Perhaps, L just doesn't care who touches him, as long as it guarantees to bring him pleasure. And that was only expected, wasn't it? What else could Light have possibly counted on, if Ryuzaki, who never felt anything for him, opened his legs so easily? It was only natural he'd do the same with Aiber or anyone else willing.

The thought is not pleasant and Light doesn't notice a tiny frown, that's settled itself on his forehead. His mind pictures him an obscene show, where L lays with his chest pressed against desktop, and face contorted in a mixture of pain and pleasure, while Aiber grins his stupid smirk, pawing at Ryuzaki's ass from behind. A disgrace, a sin, that's what it is. It's not right, and a man shouldn't yield to another man like that. A tiny voice in Light's head returns to life, asking if what he did with Ryuzaki was wrong, too... because it never felt that way.

Light presses his lips into a thin line.

_ 'It was a mistake... I should have never...' _  He doesn't let himself finish the thought. Some things are better stay not even thought about.

Light walks and walks, not really paying any attention to the place his legs lead him to, a simple and a little alarming desire to keep moving pushes him forward. It's not surprising that soon enough he finds himself in the room he and L used to share during the nights – he probably walked here just due to the habit. What tears Light out of his thoughts, is the state of the room: it's almost empty. The closet's doors are open and there's nothing inside, the blinds are missing from the windows, but the thing that gets Light's ultimate attention, is the bed. It stands bare, with no usual pillows and layers of covers and sheets – nothing. Just a mattress on a wooden carcass.

The sight of the bed makes Light feel uneasy. He's not sure of the reason as to why that's so, but just one look at the unmade bed makes his stomach lurch, as the sticky paws of nausea clutch at it tightly. This bed... it gives the room that peculiar, spine-chilling air, the one that usually appears only in the premises of recently deceased dear people – when everything's set to be repulsive yet close to heart.

Trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling, Light slowly steps further into the room to take a closer look at the bed. It lures him to walk closer, to touch it and gaze at it, and so he does. He traces his finger along the soft surface, following an ornament until his eyes stumble on three little dark spots in the center of the mattress.

He stares at them, feeling as the black soot of the sadness' wings embraces his whole being. It's Ryuzaki's blood. Dried up, dull and soaked into the fabric. Meaningless, but yet so significant, much like a shrine, a small reminder of their first night. First time is meant to be painful, is meant to be marked with blood. Such trite but right words...

Not much time passed between their first kiss and first night. How could Light wait, if whenever he stared at Ryuzaki, he felt a surge of a very specific, maddening desire rushing through his veins?

Light stands, suddenly dazed, as an almost sequential series of pictures flash before his eyes, showing him the most insane moments. He can almost see the ghostly, half-transparent figures of L and himself on the bed. There, tightly nuzzled against Light, lays L, who previously had a couple cups of coffee, flavored with a little too much brandy. It's surprising he obviously doesn't need much alcohol to become intoxicated. But drunk Ryuzaki is so languid, lax and free, that Light can't concentrate on anything except their proximity. Light wants him to be even closer – and Ryuzaki obeys, pressing even more tightly into his body, raising his head to look Light in the eyes. His face is hot and so beautiful, that for a moment Light holds his breath, letting the feeling of something warm and almost otherworldly linger.

"You're blushing." L tells him, his voice is nothing but echo of memories.

Ghostly fingers of Light stop running through Ryuzaki's hair as they gaze each other in the eyes.

"You're the one to talk, having these pink cheeks."

Turns out it was a good answer. Ryuzaki giggles softly – and suddenly presses his palms against Light's chest, pushing and flipping him to lay prone on his back. His eyes are sparkly and misty at the same time, and Light thinks that perhaps even this is enough: just to be able to look at Ryuzaki, to run his fingers along L's forehead, combing back the stray locks of black hair.

"Was it some kind of magical coffee? Or was it too much brandy in it?" Light asks. "If so, I think I'll just have to make you drink it all the time."

"You got me drunk," Ryuzaki chastises him. "Now accept the responsibility."

Whatever it means, Light's happy to do it – if accepting responsibility includes warm Ryuzaki who lies on him, pressing against his straining flesh – and Light feels that Ryuzaki himself is hard, too...

Light is no longer holding back. It's impossible to hold back anyway, when Ryuzaki's hot mouth covers his lips. His tongue tastes of coffee and lollipops. They kiss greedily, and then suddenly Ryuzaki pushes him off a little, hugs his neck and whispers feverishly into his ear:

"Now."

Light freezes – his arms lay still around L's body. He is afraid to believe what he's just heard – and even more afraid of the meaning, that hides behind those words.

"Are you sure? I'm not very familiar with that either..." he says.

Ryuzaki clings to his neck, as though he's sinking – and repeats quickly and heatedly, as if making sure not to give himself a chance to change his mind.

"I am sure. Come on. Now."

Light feels his head spinning, like he's been riding on a carousel for too long.

They have never dared to go so far. Yes, they made out, did it with hands, sometimes even with mouth, and quite frequently Light put two fingers there, inside, and even managed to find the right spot, and everything was fine, but after that Ryuzaki always looked so uncertain and even upset, that Light decided not to rush the events. He thought that what they had was more than enough already.

But now... he looks at Ryuzaki's glowing face, as the other turns it away, clinging to Light's neck and whispering on exhalation:

"Yes. Let's do it."

Light doesn't know whether Ryuzaki's ready – hell, himself is not ready at all – but there's no way he'd ever admit it.

"We have to make preparations, you know?.." Light mutters, feeling awfully awkward. "Like, an enema, so it won't end up badly... And there's no way we'll get through something like this without some sort of a lubricant."

"I know, Light-kun," Ryuzaki whispers, still hiding his face. "And I am ready."

"You mean to say you've cleaned yourself for this?" Light asks, surprised.

Ryuzaki silently nods. Gulping, Light kisses his fluttering eyelids and gently murmurs:

"We can't go back now, can we?"

L finally raises his eyes to meet Light's and gives a smile. To keep the nervousness and unnecessary thoughts at bay, Light busies his hands, freeing both of them from clothing.

Naked, Ryuzaki always looks strangely vulnerable – perhaps the thing is in the expression of his face. Light suspects Ryuzaki knows that, because as soon as the last piece of clothes is gone, Ryuzaki quickly draws Light closer to himself – as if to prevent the latter from gawking. So, Light is left with no choice but to learn L by touch, to slide his palms along the fine ribs and hollow stomach, to touch the tense buds of nipples with the tips of his fingers.

Ryuzaki clutches at his shoulders. The room is not very warm and Ryuzaki's hands are cold – or maybe that's because of the anxiousness. But there, in between of his legs, he's so hot that Light is mesmerized by the contrast. He glides his palm along Ryuzaki's flesh and L shivers. His other hand finds Ryuzaki's lips and L understands him without words, letting Light's fingers inside of his mouth and sucking on them. The feeling is unbearably arousing. Light finds he can wait no longer, so he spreads Ryuzaki's legs, looks down at the sight and feels as if he's about to come then and there, as soon as he does so much as touches the pink opening. It takes him great effort to stop himself from looking and start actually preparing Ryuzaki for the intrusion that's sure to be painful. His hands shiver, as his fingers slide in and out, stretching, while L bites into his lip, a frown of discomfort forming an indent on his forehead, while his thighs tremble as he subconsciously tries to close his legs.

"Does it hurt?" Light asks quietly, to which Ryuzaki mutely shakes his head. "Just relax... Let your voice out, if you want. And, for the love of god, keep your legs open. It's difficult..."

"Rub it," L suddenly says in a weak voice. "Rub it more."

"Huh? You mean this?" Light smirks, tightening his grip on Ryuzaki's cock and giving it a couple of jerks. "Or this?"

His fingers plunder deeper into L's body as Light presses them into the walls and starts stroking him from the inside, earning a silent cry. Ryuzaki brings his hands up, covering his face, as the movements of Light's hand and fingers get faster, and the horribly indecent squelching sounds start emitting with each motion. The more time passes, the harder it gets for L to suppress the tiny gasps and moans, but when Light stops jerking him off to work on the hole with two hands, opening it up as wide as it can possibly get, L lets out an indignant squeal.

"What... what are you doing?!" he whispers, shocked. "This is way too exposed, you're turning me inside out..."

"And you seem to like it," Light smiles, his gaze directed at the thing, that twitches crazily in between of L's legs. "You're leaking and throbbing like never before. And this over here..."

Light pauses to emphasize his words with a thrust of three of his fingers deep into the already willing orifice.

"This over here twitches and grips at my fingers each time I want to pull them out."

"Oh god..." L mutters, shielding his face with hands again. "Please stop saying such embarrassing things..."

"Why not?" Light smiles, pulling his fingers out altogether and leaning closer to Ryuzaki's face to whisper. "I'm going to put it in now. Are you sure you want it?"

L can already feel the sticky, hot and sturdy piece of flesh nudging against that place in between of his legs. Some wild desire in him wants Light to immediately shove it all inside in one go, and L shivers, whispering:

"Yes. Do it."

He waits for Light to cover himself with lube, and after just a few seconds, Light is above him again, this time the head of his cock already pushing into the tight opening.

L's eyebrows fly up his forehead in pain.

"We can stop, if-" Light starts, but Ryuzaki squeezes his forearms in an almost vindictive manner.

"Are you going to ask this every three seconds?" he says. "I told you I want it."

Light doesn't say anything, kissing L's cheek in an effort to placate the pain that's ripping Ryuzaki apart. It feels as if a white-hot piece of metal was put inside his body, burning him, tearing him with each little movement it makes. Opening his teary eyes to take a look down, L realizes with horror, that Light's still only half-way in. Then, Light suddenly withdraws to slam back inside, causing white sparkles of pain to fill L's vision.

"Please, wait..." L barely manages to mouth. "You're shredding me..."

And Light waits, moving little by little each time L feels he can tolerate another thrust. After a while, when Light's fully sheathed, both of them are panting: Light because of the effort it takes to hold himself from moving, and Ryuzaki because of the pain. By the looks of it, Ryuzaki's barely aroused anymore and it's bad, but there's little Light can do about it. He brings his hand to L's member and starts fondling it in hopes to get it back to hardness.

Again, L raises his eyebrows. He probably thinks it gives him an ironic look, but in fact it only manages to make him look rather pitiful. Light knows that Ryuzaki's probably going to force out some teasing remark and pretend he's not feeling any pain, so Light leans over and kisses him, sealing his mouth shut.

All he can – is to accept responsibility. Isn't that exactly the thing L wanted him to do?

And so Light does. He moves slowly at first, then faster, slightly changing the angle, carefully listening to Ryuzaki's breath that tickles his collarbone. There's still a deep indent of hurt between L's eyebrows, but as the time passes, it becomes less visible and soon turns into just a frown. That is good. The bad thing is, no signs of intimate pleasure can be seen either. What's even worse, is that Light is already on his brink. Just few more thrusts and he's going to find his release.

"Damn..." Light lets out a low grunt and quickly pulls out, so as not to spill everything into Ryuzaki.

When Ryuzaki opens his eyes to look at Light, the latter almost feels like panicking upon the disappointed look that the detective gives him.

"Sorry..." Light whispers, "That was terrible. I couldn't hold out, you're way too tight..."

"That's fine, but... is that it?" L asks, his legs still pressed to his chest as he looks at Light with a blank expression.

"Not yet," Light says, getting his erection back while staring at the more than arousing sight that's on the show in between of L's legs. "Let's try again."

He presses and slowly pushes inside L's body again, leaning down to kiss L's pouting lips. L's feelings are completely understandable - after all, the sole reason Ryuzaki wanted to try this, lies in him thinking that despite the act being painful, it could turn into a bliss. But the fact is, nothing like that's happening right now, which leaves Ryuzaki terribly disillusioned. Judging by his hurt look, if Light won't find a way to improve the situation soon, this thing between them would never happen again.

"Do you think you can handle a bit more stretching?" Light whispers, slowly bringing his middle finger to his mouth to wet it with saliva. "Tell me if it's too painful."

He doesn't wait for Ryuzaki's answer and forcefully squeezes his slick finger into the already filled hole, sensing the pulsation of the walls that clamp around almost painfully. L hisses and tries to crawl away, but stops, as Light presses his free hand to L's stomach, leaning to place kisses and lap at his nipples. Light continues to move his hips slowly, sliding out and thrusting in while letting his finger travel deeper until it brushes against the familiar small bump. The moment Light gives it a little rub, L's body jerks as his mouth opens in a silent cry.

"Got it..." Light smirks, as he pulls out his finger and lowers himself to lay beside L, face to face, hooking the latter's leg to place it above his hip. He knows the change of the angle was a good idea when a loud moan escapes Ryuzaki's lips, as he moves his hips to meet the thrusts.

Ryuzaki whimpers softly into his neck, and the sound makes Light dazed. It's almost like he can not feel any better, he just won't be able to go on – but the pleasure that permeates his body lasts and lasts. The muscles in his hips ache from straining, as he keeps thrusting in and out of Ryuzaki's body, struggling to remain at the same angle, too scared to move and ruin everything. Ryuzaki hugs him, presses closer - hot, wet, persistent. Light kisses him on the lips, and L returns the kiss just as quickly and messily. Both of them don't even look at each other, overwhelmed with sensations.

It takes only a few more minutes before Ryuzaki's body jerks with a strong tremor, and something hot sprinkles on both of them. And it's such an intimate and good feeling, that Light's barely able to withdraw in time before reaching his own climax, adding to the white drops on L's stomach.

Then they lay side by side, Ryuzaki's head on Light's arm, while his body's wedged between Light and row of pillows. He crinkles his nose and smiles at the same time, and Light thinks that it is the most attractive expression he's even seen in his life.

L's eyes are misty and his cheeks are burning hot. Light gently presses his lips to Ryuzaki's eyelids and feels as the latter's fingernails gingerly scrap at the skin right behind Light's ear – as if he's caressing a cat. For a moment Light thinks of slapping L's hand away, so that he would never again try to make such a degrading gesture, but Ryuzaki's touch is pleasant and doesn't have a hint of condescension, so Light only smiles, closing his eyes.

Strange, but it seems they do not need to talk or say a word to each other. Ryuzaki sighs contentedly, as he curls into a ball and overturns, pressing to Light with his back, and the latter can't restrain himself from kissing the skin on the nape of L's neck, where the bumps of his spine protrude.

The contours of their figures on the bed tremble, becoming transparent right in front of Light's eyes. Shadows of past vanish, leaving the smell of unsaid words at their trail, and before Light can even blink, he stares at the empty bed and the mattress with three dark spots on it.

He lets out a quiet sigh, smirking albeit bitterly. L and he were just like mindless teenagers back then. Both inexperienced, hungry for the contact and scared of it. It barely took them ten minutes to come that time – so pathetic and endearing. Ryuzaki in his memories and Ryuzaki now, are two different people. And Light knows that he will forever keep the gentle and vulnerable side of L hidden somewhere deep in his heart, just to dig it out occasionally and marvel at it. Nothing more. After all, this wasn't the right thing to do. As an oblivious teenager he could allow himself to satisfy his curiosity and engage into sexual relationship with a partner like L. He didn't know who he was. But now...

Light closes his eyes for a second. He should never again touch Ryuzaki. The desire he feels is unacceptable. It's nothing but a chemical reaction of his body, which should be despised. All of the craving, lust, call of the body – are things a human can not subdue or control. But god is not allowed to feel what humans do. He is not allowed to linger, even with what is most intimate.

Taking a final glance at the mattress, Light turns around. He's not surprised to see Ryuzaki standing silently in the doorway, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans. They look at each other for a few seconds before L shifts from one foot to another and says:

"I was wondering if Light-kun was going to come back."

No muscle twitches on Light's face. Come back? In what sense? Come back here, to this building? Come back to the investigation room? Or... come back to L?

"I'm sorry if you lost me," Light says. "You seemed busy there, dealing with Aiber, so I thought it would be better, if I just gave you two alone time."

"You could stay... There are no secrets Aiber knows that you don't."

"Really?" Light can't suppress a smirk. "I thought so."

No such secrets, of course. If by secrets L means his body, there's indeed nothing about it Light doesn't know. Once again, Light feels burning venom that spreads throughout his veins. For a second he marvels at the peculiar anger he experiences – it's not cold, it's not rational. It's simple and primitive in its nature, and Light can't point his finger on the reason of such an odd feeling.

Meanwhile L stares at him, tilting his head to the side as if intrigued.

"Could it be that Light-kun's troubled with something? He seems to have gotten upset after my conversation with Aiber-san."

"Conversation?" Light repeats, letting slight sneering notes to slip in his voice. "That's how you call it now?"

L looks at him, obviously puzzled. This stupid expression of his face only manages to irritate Light further.

"I'm sorry but I don't think I understand what you mean," L says, still looking at Light with wide eyes.

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Light feels pulsation of the vein on his forehead and realizes it must have popped out. He wants to grab L by the shoulders and shake him up, and maybe slap his put-on of a clueless face.

"It doesn't matter." He says finally, deciding to let go of the subject. It won't do any good if they continue the discussion.

"Your reaction speaks of the contrary..." L insists in a quiet voice, and then takes a step closer to Light, tentatively placing his hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong, Light-kun?"

Nearly jumping at the touch, Light brushes L's hand away and scowls.

"Nothing's wrong, I told you. You can do whatever you want, no need to make a fuss out of it."

"What fuss?" L asks, confused. "I don't understand you..."

"What fuss? You really need an explanation?" Light hisses. In his mind's eye he can still see Aiber leaning down over Ryuzaki, and it's belatedly that Light takes a notice of his own hands that are practically shaking with the rage at the memory. "Cut it out already."

Now Ryuzaki looks at him with so concerned and genuinely puzzled expression on the face, that it suddenly makes Light sick to the stomach. Who knew L could act so believably?

But something tells him there's a slight chance that Ryuzaki really doesn't understand. Just to shatter the suspicion, Light huffs and arches his brow, giving L an asquint look.

"He did it, didn't he?" Light asks.

"Who did what?" L specifies, eyes flicking between Light's face and his arms he has crossed on his chest.

"Aiber!" Light almost growls. "He banged you, didn't he?!"

"...Aiber?"

"Yes!"

"...Banged me?"

"Yes!"

There's silence between them, that only gets filled with Light's heavy breath. L looks at him with such wide open eyes, that it seems it would be any moment that his eyeballs would jump out of their sockets.

"He was all over you!" Light spats, as if trying to bring some evidence to his conclusion. And it's instantly that he regrets his choice of words after hearing just how jealous he sounds.

Wait... jealous? Since when does he get jealous over Ryuzaki? It's not jealousy, really, it's not. It's just anger that arose in him due to Aiber's disrespectful behavior. Yes, that's it.

"Didn't you see the face he had? I thought he'd jump on you then and there. You deserve no praise either," Light continues frowning, "what were you thinking, letting him feed you like that? It only debases you!"

L stays silent, watching him with all eyes. It's rather unnerving, and Light doesn't like the glimpse of some unclear emotion he sees in Ryuzaki's eyes, so he arches his eyebrow again and says in a calmer voice:

"I understand I have no say over your preferences, just... don't do such things in front of others, okay? It's disgusting to watch."

He turns away then, choosing to stare at the building across the street. Something tells him that he's said more than should have been said. Damn. He shouldn't have touched the subject at the first place. What even forced him to start talking? It's not his business who L sleeps with anyway because it never was, it just couldn't be serious between he and Ryuzaki.

"Light-kun..." L says softly behind his back. "Look at me."

As much as he doesn't want to, Light turns his head slightly to take a glance at L. The detective stares him in the eyes and takes a small step back to close the door behind him with his back. The lock clicks softly and suddenly Light gets keenly aware of the silence that reigns over the room. They look at each other for a few moments, until L casts his gaze down and wraps his fingers around the rim of his sweatshirt, pulling it up over his head. He doesn't care to make the process of undressing slow or attractive, and tosses the clothes on the floor once they no longer cover his torso. Again, Light can't help but notice, how immediately vulnerable L starts to look. Only this time L doesn't try to hide himself from Light's eyes, standing hunched, while his arms hang limply along his sides.

The afternoon sunlight bleaches his skin to unhealthily pallid version of itself, but it's not the whiteness of L's skin that nearly makes Light gulp anxiously – it's what that skin is 'adorned' with: dozens of hickeys that look like bruises. Bite-marks are scattered all over L's clavicles, his sides, chest and stomach. On his forearms Light notices five more hickeys and a few bruises that Light's own fingers left when he was squeezing L's arms too tightly. Ryuzaki's pasty skin makes the marks look strangely gruesome. They almost glow with red, blue, violet, yellow and even green hues.

The sight makes Light feel odd: he's both abhorred and excited by it. It's sick, he knows, but it doesn't stop him from thinking that all of the bruises actually suit L, make him look helpless, weak and even more desirable. He can't take his eyes off Ryuzaki's obscenely protruding clavicles, pinkish nipples and taut stomach – all of it branded as his.

As Light feasts his eyes, L's fingers deftly undo the button on his jeans, pull down the zipper and without any hesitation Ryuzaki hooks his fingers around the waistband and tugs his jeans down, along with the underwear.

"What... are you doing this for?" Light asks, his throat suddenly dry. Turns out marks embellish not only the upper part of L's body. Tokens of Light's touches, imprints of his fingers and teeth are literally everywhere – on L's hips, thighs and even on his all of that, it's hard to believe Light was prudent enough not to leave any hickeys on Ryuzaki's throat, where everyone could see them.

"Can't you see?" L asks quietly, gingerly tracing with his finger along the bruise on his collarbone. "Is this not enough of evidence to you?"

Both of them stay silent. Light doesn't answer the question, knits his brows together and once again turns his back to L, forcing himself to look away. Courtesy rules demand to do something, like bringing his apologies for reproaching L and bruising him. But should he do it, really? No. It's Ryuzaki's own fault he got both scolded and marked. He shouldn't have acted in such depraved way with Aiber, and shouldn't have moaned or showed his appreciation when Light was biting him.

Light hears Ryuzaki's quiet sigh, followed by the squeaks of the wooden floor. The sounds come closer until they stop a step away from him, just a moment before L's arms wrap tightly around his stomach and Light's able to feel L's breath that tickles the nape of his neck.

"I'm glad you are here today." the detective whispers, pressing a little closer.

"Ryuzaki..." Light starts, trying to pry L's hands off him. L only tightens his grasp. His fingers are cold, and with his back Light can feel that Ryuzaki shivers. "I have to tell you something important."

"Is that so? What a coincidence... I too want to tell you something important. Today is my birthday. I am happy I have a chance to spend it with you."

"Oh... You never told me about it before. Happy birthday, then." Light says, suddenly awkward. Happy birthday, right. A funny thing to say when he knows L is going to die soon.

"Thank you," Ryuzaki's lips stretch in a smile as one of his hands creeps higher to undo the buttons on Light shirt. "Light-kun... Kiss me?"

He halts when Light catches his hand mid-action, and takes a small step back when the teen turns in his arms to face L.

"Ryuzaki, we have to put an end to this relationship." Light says, freeing himself from L's embrace.

For a moment the detective stares at him. His eyes still don't betray a single emotion as he listens to Light's explanation.

"I know it's sudden, but the longer I wait, the harder it becomes, so let me just put it straight. The thing, that's been happening between us... it's not right. It can't go on forever, and you know it just as well as I do."

Words keep falling from his lips, meaningless and empty. Light reasons about society's acknowledgment and opinion on such bonds, about his own and Ryuzaki's future, about his parents' expectations and the affect this relationship has on his life in general. The phrases of his sound logical and rightful, they sound like something any young man would say when breaking up with a partner that can not be approved by both family and the world. The only thing that doesn't let L believe Light's words, is the fact Light's no ordinary young man. He knows Light too well, he knows that if Light wanted it, he would have found a way to keep them together despite circumstances or acknowledgment. L himself would do just that. Only Light is not L, with all the ensuing consequences. It's so convenient and so much easier for him to conjure hundreds of excuses...

It suddenly strikes L just how dissimilar he and Light are. A bizarre thought crawls into his mind: if this very moment he and Light would magically turn into inanimate objects, Light would probably become a latest smartphone model of some overrated brand - synched with the world, a technical perfection that almost everybody wants to have. While L would become an old useless photo-album, like the ones people keep in the depths of their lockers – dusted, forgotten memories in a delicate paper case.

"It's not about you, really." Light's voice breaches L's musings. "It's the circumstances."

They stay silent until L turns away and says:

"I understand."

From the corner of his eye, Light watches as Ryuzaki walks to his clothes that sill lay discarded on the floor. His fingers shiver noticeably, and Light wonders if it's from cold or nervousness. He feels strangely dissatisfied, as if he expected something big to happen but ultimately got nothing. But if Ryuzaki accepted the break up so easily, it can only mean he indeed never had feelings for Light, and that in turn only makes things easier, doesn't it?

"I will return to my work," L says, taking a fleeting glance at Light once he stands fully clothed again. "You are free to go and have a rest today, like the rest of the task-force."

"Huh? What are you talking about? Of course I will continue helping you with the investigation. After all, I still have to get back some of my own to Kira."

"Really?" Light can swear a shadow of smirk graced L's lips, but faded just as quickly as it appeared. "Very well then."

 

* * *

 

Rem stands in the shadows, silent and unmoving, watching the two men that returned back to the main room after some time that they had spent on the upper floors. Something feels off about the air around them, but that's probably just humans being humans. The shinigami's duty is to stay here, beside the death note, to watch and look after these humans' steps, so that they won't harm another tiny human being that's become so dear to the death god. Rem listens to the quiet phrases the pair rarely exchanges, trying hardest not to miss some obscure important hints, that would give the shinigami a clue, that would clear the fog of the situation at hand. Rem doesn't like neither of the men she has to share the room with. Both of them are smug, cruel and selfish, and those are, perhaps, the only things they have in common with other people.

"So, Ryuzaki," Light's soft, melodic voice resounds in the room, catching the death god's attention. "What your next step's going to be?"

L chews on his lip for an inappropriately long period of time before finally casting a bored look at Light and answering the question:

"I'm planning to check some of the rules written in that death note," he gingerly points to the pedestal, where the said note lays, secured under glass cover. "There is a peculiar notion, which has caught my attention and wouldn't leave my mind since the moment I've read it. If the rule I'm thinking about turns out to be fake, I'll finally have the evidence I've been looking for. I want to test it out."

"Really now, Ryuzaki? Have you not given up on that crazy idea of yours to prove that I'm Kira? How many times already have I told you that I'm not the criminal you're looking for?" Light sighs, bringing the palm of his hand to his face in a frustrated manner.

"Your words don't mean a thing, actually," L says, "it's only facts that matter."

"There you go again, being rude," Light mumbles before stepping a little closer to the detective's workplace and resting his hand on the tabletop. "What rule are you even talking about?"

"This one," L says, clicking the mouse to open one of the photos, displaying contents of the death note. "If the user of the Death Note fails to consecutively write names within thirteen days of each other, then the user will die. You and Amane-san were in solitary confinement under my surveillance for fifty days..."

"Don't forget about three more months we had to spend here," Light interrupts him. "If any one of us used the death note and were Kira, we'd haven been dead long time ago."

"Yes. But only if the rule is true to fact. Even though we caught Higuchi, and seemingly got rid of Kira, the killings have resumed short time subsequent to his death. And this happened as soon as you and Amane-san were set free." L turns his head slightly to give Light a blank look. "Anyone would get suspicious, wouldn't they?"

Rem watches as Light's eyes narrow as he stares at the detective.

"Most of my time I spend here, with you." he says, "Basically, I'm still under you surveillance."

"Yes, but we already know, that the cause and the time of death can be specified, so if you were Kira, you wouldn't have to write names under my nose to make killings happen in opportune for you time," L retorts in a carefree manner, making Light shoot another annoyed glare at him. "Besides, Amane-san is no longer under my surveillance. This is a serious matter and pretext for me to assume that even if she's not Kira, she, at the very least, plays role as his accomplice."

Light throws his hands up and lets out a loud sigh.

"Why don't you install cameras in our houses and put someone to follow both Misa and I around then?"

"Because I want to catch Kira and close the case as soon as possible. I'm getting tired of it," and before Light can say something, L sticks out his index finger, swaying it to the sides a little, "that's why I will have a sentenced criminal to test the rule and prove once and for all if it's fake or not."

Light takes a quick glance at Rem. The death god's face is expressionless as always, but its slightly rounded eyes tell him that Rem understood everything. She's going to kill both Watari and L right now. Already Rem has the death note in hands and half of the death god's body is in the wall, signaling Rem's going to flee and find L's helper.

But... no one's around here. No one to witness L's death. And if it so happens, that all of the data would get erased from computer memory with Watari's death, Light won't have the evidence to prove he has nothing to do with both L and his caretaker laying breathless.

"Stop!" Light shouts desperately, startling both L and Rem.

The detective flinches and turns to give Light a disapproving look:

"No need to yell, Yagami-kun, my hearing is perfectly fine. What's the matter?"

"I... I think I noticed a bug on you," Light blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind.

"A bug?.."

"Yeah. It looked like a locust, and it was sitting on your back. It's gone now, though," Light continues babbling, already regretting the stupid pretense he chose.

L looks at him with a shadow of doubt in wide open eyes, and then, unexpectedly, he shivers quite violently, squirms, and jerks his shoulders, as if trying to shake something off himself.

"I hate bugs. Locusts especially. When I was a child, I had one hop on my face, and while I was crying to get it off me, it crawled into my mouth."

For a moment they stare at each other, until Light breaks the silence with the only question that whirls in his head:

"Did you swallow it?"

"Almost. I spat it out but turned out I managed to chew on it a little in the process of trying to force that thing out of my mouth. The bad thing's that it was a female locust, ready to lay the eggs."

"Oh god."

"I had nightmares of billions of locusts bursting out of my stomach for a few months after the incident," L nods. "Are you sure it's not on me anymore?"

"No, no, it's not. It flew away," Light mumbles and smiles crookedly. "I wonder how it even got here."

"It probably was either Matsuda-san, Aiber-san or you who brought it in," L says in a rather accusing tone.

"That's probably the case," Light agrees, moving his shoulder uncomfortably, suddenly starting to believe in the existence of the purely imaginary bug.

A minute more they spend in silence, with L looking over himself every five seconds, and straining his hearing with the purpose of finding the ill-starred locust, and Light pondering over the way to beguile L further. He takes a surreptitious glance at the shinigami, who spent all the time he talked to the detective, staring at them. Rem obviously didn't care to believe the insect story and chose to busy herself with boring a hole in Light's head with her eyes that have the silent 'why did you stop me?' in them. Stupid death god, how can she not understand that it's just not the right time for killing?

Beside him, L sighs quietly and hunches his back, hugging his knees while resting his chin on them. Light checks the time on his watches – 3 p.m. That means he somehow has to keep L away from the case for at least seventeen more hours, until the new day starts and the task force comes to the HQ. In all honesty, the mission seems nearly impossible to accomplish. How unfortunate...

Again, Light takes appraising yet fugitive glance at the detective. He sits still and quiet, but then again, L never was a talkative one, if the matter didn't concern the case. He mostly expressed himself with gestures, small gestures that could barely be considered as such at all. Most of L's actions needed deciphering, for he rarely explained them in words. He lived in a quiet, isolated and silent world where listeners were non-existent, just as the need to explain himself to someone. Right now he awkwardly sits, perched on his chair, and Light can just tell by his silence, vague and uncertain, that L wants this silence of his to be interrupted. This art of staying quiet but still managing to convey his thoughts, never failed to amaze Light. What amazed him even more, was the fact that himself, seemingly, was the only one, who could decrypt Ryuzaki's mute messages correctly.

"Let's go out." Light says quietly, and even though it was meant to be a question, he changed it to a statement in the neck of time, just before the words fell from his lips.

He's not surprised to hear nothing in response and feel L's eyes on him. For the longest time Ryuzaki stays still and Light thinks that it's his way to say 'no'.

"Okay," L finally responds. "I'll put my shoes on and we'll get going."

 

Ten minutes later they walk down the street, side by side; L has his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans, trying to gather up some bits of warmth that remain in the farthest corners of the pouches, along with some candy wrappers and other tiny useless pieces of debris. The air is gray and dank. L lets out a shaky breath, and watches as the white cloudlet of steam breaks out of his mouth, soon dissolving in the air. Chill quickly makes its way into his sneakers and arranges between the toes, making him shiver a little. He turns his head to look at Light, who hasn't said a word since the moment they left the building. L thinks there's nothing to be surprised about - Light probably didn't expect him to agree to go out. L didn't expect that, too, but... He's grown sick of the same four walls surrounding him for so long, from his own thoughts, that go around in a vicious circle. But most of all he hopes, however ridiculous it is, that something might change in Light's attitude with the change of the scenery. Maybe they can even talk some more about _  the thing _  Light declared him this afternoon...

"What's wrong?" Light suddenly asks, eyeing him. "You've been staring at me for the past minute."

"I'm merely curious about the place you're taking me to."

"To be honest I just wanted to go for a walk..."

"Oh."

Light suddenly stops, making L halt as well.

"Why did we stop?" L asks, feeling as cold embraces his whole being. He then raises his head to look at Light, and gets utterly surprised by a sweet smile and overall happy look that the other gives him. L finds the smile to be terrifyingly fake, and he can't tell with certainty, if the wave of shiver, that shakes his body is the result of cold, or Light's facial expression.

"I think I have a brilliant idea," Light says, still flashing that winning smile, "It's your birthday, right? Why don't we go and celebrate it?"

"Celebrate?" L repeats slowly, as if trying to recollect the meaning of the word. Light nods his head, saying "Yeah!" and resumes walking, chatting away some nonsense, that makes L watch the teen's back suspiciously. From Light's words he learns there is a nice bar Light knows, that the food there's quite cheap but delicious, and that they have this promo action each weekend when you get each third glass of beer for free.

"Beer?" L asks in a sarcastic tone, quirking his eyebrow. "Are you even old enough to drink beer?"

"No, I'm not," Light agrees calmly, "But then again, I never said I drank it."

"Hm," L intones, somehow not believing Light for a second.

"Is my idea not to your liking, Ryuzaki?" Light asks, glancing at the detective.

L shrugs his shoulders. He's been at the drinking establishments two times in his whole life: first time happened when Watari said L was ought to test his alcohol tolerability in an unfamiliar situation, and second time occurred when Aiber politely invited L to a business supper back in Paris. Both times left nasty memories and bitter resentment of his own actions. Needless to say, L wasn't a fan of bars.

"That's okay," Light's voice butts into L's gloomy recollections of the two bad mornings he once had, "you can make up your mind later. It's too early to go to the bar anyway, so... How'd you like it if we went to a movie theater and watched something first?"

L stares. Light raises his eyebrow questioningly.

"Yagami-kun, is this a date?" L asks straight to a point.

"No!" Light objects a little too loudly. A few passersby turn their heads to give him a reproachful look, and Light lowers his voice to an irritated whisper: "Of course this is not a date, what made you think so?"

"My basic knowledge of a dating process," L shrugs his shoulders once again and resumes walking. "Besides, when speaking of dates with you, Amane-san used to mention movie theaters and cafes quite frequently."

"She's the one you should be listening to, considering I was on a date with her just once," Light scoffs. "Well, anyway, enough of that. Are you okay to go and watch a movie?"

"By all means. I'm freezing here, so it would be nice to get somewhere warm."

_ 'No talking then,'  _ L thinks forlornly, dragging his feet to follow Light.  _ 'Just movie.' _

 


	4. Evening

Three meaningless hours of sitting in the darkness, listening to thunderous voices and music flowing from loudspeakers later, both Light and L are out in the streets again. Habitually, Light checks the time on his wristwatches to see that the clock dial shows it's half past six in the evening. Good grief. He has to play L's jester for the whole evening. Deliberately, Light chooses not to think about the night hours and how he's going to deal with the insomniac of the detective during them. It's bad enough he had to go out with L after he'd proudly declared the end of their relationship.

"That was a good movie," L mumbles at his left. "I enjoyed the outing. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Light says absentmindedly, pondering over the way to entertain L further.

"Well... I'll be on my way then. Don't worry, you may go home right away, I'll call Watari and ask him to pick me up."

L already gropes his pocket to find the cellphone when Light's hand grips at his shoulder. The bruises on his skin make themselves known as the pain flares under Light's touch.

"What is it?" L asks, wincing.

"You're joking, right?" Light asks, gently pushing L forward to make the detective walk down the street. "We haven't even started yet."

"I have to go back, Yagami-kun," L protests, brushing the teen's hand off of his shoulder. "I should be working, not lallygagging. I've already lost much time, albeit in an enjoyable way."

"Nonsense," Light laughs, placing his hands on L's shoulders again. "Your work won't run away. Come on, it's been awhile since we were out together. Won't it be nice to hang out again?"

"Why would it be nice?" L asks, stopping dead in his track and making Light freeze as well. They stare at each other, and suddenly it feels as if they are not in the middle of a busy stream of bustling people, but in the empty room where there's no one else except for two of them.

"Why do you think I would want to spend time with you?" L asks again, his voice quiet.

Confusion can be read within Light's face features, he looks at the detective for a few moments before licking his lips and saying slowly:

"Because that's what friends do... We are friends."

"Are we now?"

"What are you trying to say, Ryuzaki?" Light frowns.

L gazes at him before turning his back to Light and starting to walk away.

"Hey, where are you going?" Light hisses, catching up with Ryuzaki. "What's gotten into you?"

"Tell me, Light-kun," L speaks calmly, ignoring the teen's questions. "What were we?"

"Huh?.. What do you mean?"

"What was I to you?"

"You're asking strange questions," Light remarks, giving the detective a suspicious look. "You are my friend. I guess I can even say you are a role-model for me."

"That's not the answer to my question."

"Well, what kind of an answer did you expect when asking such a silly question?" Light sighs, aggravated. "Honestly, Ryuzaki, you're acting weird."

L doesn't reply. Suddenly, he feels like a stranger in this city, in this country, in this whole world. He wants to run away to somewhere safe, to crouch on the floor there, hug his knees and plunge into silence and emptiness, void of emotions and thoughts. L drops his head low, and stares at the ground.

"Ryuzaki, are you okay?"

It's Light's voice. He tries to take a peek at L's face but the detective quickly turns his back to Light. It's suddenly hard to breathe, and L helplessly opens and closes his mouth, like a fish that was cast on shore. Arms hug his shoulders and lead him away, and seat him onto something. Cold wind blows through his sweatshirt, chilling him to the bone, and the wooden surface he sits on is just as uncomfortable. L refuses to look up, still having troubles with breathing.

"What's wrong?" Light whispers from somewhere above. "Hold on a moment."

The next second L feels warm hands on his knees. Those hands push his knees up, to press them against L's chest, and the moment his knees touch him, L clutches both at them and at Light's hands that still rest there. It probably looks awkward, he knows, but he can't let go, desperately grasping onto Light's hands as if he's drowning. The world for him has turned murky and unclear, as though he were looking at it through a dirty window, and it's belatedly that L realizes Light's intertwined their fingers, now holding L's hand in a tight finger-lock.

L takes in short shaky breaths, slowly calming down from the near-panic attack that hit him so suddenly. He raises his gaze to see Light, who crouches in front of him, alarmed look on his face.

"Are you alright?" Light asks him quietly.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I don't know what's just happened," L mumbles. Behind Light's back, in a small deserted alley, hidden in the evening's shadows, he sees a couple – a boy and a girl. They stay still and unmoving, hugging each other. They raise their heads and share a timid kiss. L feels a wave of a bitter nausea that rolls up to his throat.

"You're shivering," Light tells him, taking a quick look back, probably wanting to see what's caught L's interest, but then turns his head to look at Ryuzaki again almost immediately. "Do you think you can walk?"

"I'm fine, Light-kun," L frowns and stops staring at the pair. After a little while he adds a quiet "Thank you".

"Let's go," the other tells him in a firm tone. Light then stands up, tugging L by the hand, that he still has clutched in his own. This last fact makes L both happy and sad, and himself can't form the reasons of such conflicting feelings.

 

* * *

 

 

Fifteen minutes later L finds himself in a model kind of bar. The establishment strikes him with abundance of wall decorations, voices, fanciful yet a bit revolting smell of various dishes, all mixed up together, and the overall cram. L suddenly feels embarrassed, and stops in his tracks, in full view of the pretty motley crew public.

"There, let's take a booth in the corner," Light offers, even though there are a few more vacant booths beside the open kitchen in the center of the room.

Feeling eyes on him, L quickly agrees. He sheepishly follows Light, positively ashamed of his own vapid white sweatshirt and faded, saggy jeans that hang from his lean backside like a pouch.

Two minutes they spend in silence. No one's coming to take their order, and L suddenly finds he can't figure out a way to start a polite conversation, so he sits quietly and pines away, timidly tapping his finger on the ashtray on the table. Light's eyes wander as he strives to look everywhere but at Ryuzaki. The silence soon becomes unnatural and awkward, but still none of them utters a word. L tries to remember what should be said in such cases, but his memory fails him, as the only phrase he can think of is the dull 'Nice weather, isn't it?'. L glances out of the window, beside which their booth is. The weather is anything but nice. The sky looms over the city, darkening with each second, and the liquid yellow light of the lamps on the ceiling cowardly retreats under the onslaught of the gathering black thunderclouds. In the periphery of his vision, L sees Light making a gesture to call one of the employees that are bustling around.

Finally, the menu cards are brought. Despite expectations, L doesn't feel any sense of relief, and fidgets on his seat, gingerly studying what the menu's got to offer.

"Hm," Light mutters after some time spent on contemplation, "How'd you like chicken basket? Chicken basket and taco salad? Pizza, maybe?"

At first L doesn't even realize the question's addressed to him. When Light looks up with inquiring eyes, L blinks and flips the menu to open it on the desserts page. As his eyes scan the limited choice of items, L can't help the disappointment that shows on his face.

"I think I'll have an apple tarte with ice cream," he says finally.

"And?"

"That's all," L grumbles, still feeling awfully deceived by the menu. He then addresses the waiter that stands beside their booth, looking restless. "Do you have any desserts beside the ones listed in the menu?"

The waiter starts shifting on his feet like an impatient horse.

"I'm afraid not."

"Then, that's it," Light interferes, decided. "We'll have chicken basket, taco salad, and apple tarte."

"With ice cream," L adds quietly.

"Any drinks?" the waiter asks, writing down the order. Light glances at L, who blinks and says uncertainly:

"Tea?.."

Both waiter and Light stare at him. Then, Light coughs and says:

"Hitachino beer for me, and..." he pauses, "Do you have any cream liqueurs?"

"Of course, here, take a look," the waiter says, ready to show Light the page in the menu.

"Bring us the sweetest one."

"A shot or a bottle?"

After a second of contemplation, Light lets out a sigh and flashes a smile at the waiter.

"The more, the merrier! We'll have a bottle."

The waiter nods, feverishly writing down the last bits of the order into his note, and then flees, never caring to specify Light's age.

"Are you really going to eat and drink all of what you ordered?" L asks as soon as the waiter's gone. "A whole bottle of liqueur is a bit too much for your age, don't you think?"

"And who said I was going to eat and drink alone?"

L shrugs his shoulders, thinking he certainly won't drink that liqueur Light ordered. The silence falls again, wrapping them in its tight, suffocating embrace. L ponders over a way to excuse himself as soon as he finishes eating that apple tarte, when the music stops flowing from loudspeakers, the lights suddenly go very, very dim and the place plunges into almost complete darkness. L rounds his eyes and stares at Light, who looks back at him with just as confused expression on his face. Then a choir of people start to discordantly sing the 'happy birthday' song, quietly at first but louder as the song proceeds and more voices join the singing. Some man walks through the darkened premises of the bar, holding a cake with firework candles lit on it. Golden sparks fly each and every way, reflecting in L's eyes, giving faint warm light that plays on the walls and contorts the shadows. For a moment, a crazy thought makes its way into L's head:  _maybe Light made this a surprise for him?.._

The man walks past their booth, taking away both soft light and golden sparkles. L watches as the man stops near the biggest gathering of people in the bar, placing the cake on their table. The song comes to an end. The room explodes with applause and merry shrieks. The lights turn back on. Rock-and-roll starts flowing from the loudspeakers again.

"Looks like someone's celebrating birthday as well," Light says, trying to sound nonchalant.

L nods. The waiter magically appears at their table, placing a glass of beer in front of Light, and leaving a bottle and two empty glasses in the middle of the table.

"Well..." Light says, reaching with his hand to the liqueur bottle. L watches as the teen opens it and pours a little into one of the empty glasses. Light then moves the glass to L, and raises his own, looking at the detective with a soft smile. "Happy birthday, Ryuzaki."

L watches as Light takes a sip, and then shifts his gaze to his own glass that still stays untouched.

"Come on, Ryuzaki," Light ushers him, "don't be a bore. One shot hurt nobody."

_'No,'_  L thinks _, 'I'm positive there actually are people, who got hurt by one shot.'_

Nevertheless, it doesn't make Light's look less intent.

_'It can't get any more awkward,'_  L continues the inner monologue,  _'it won't get me anywhere if we continue to sit silently and stare at the window...'_

"Well?" Light asks, still wearing that soft smile.

_'I just want him to talk...'_

Light sighs and takes a big gulp from his glass.

"Whatever," he says, "do as you wish."

L makes a decision.

"Alright," he snatches the glass and brings it to his lips, toppling it over and screwing his eyes shut.

He expected a stinging, burning liquid that would hurt and bite at his tongue and throat, but...

"Sweet..." L mumbles, placing the empty glass back at the table. Light smirks. L thinks that perhaps with the help of a little bit more of the liqueur, he will figure out a way to start the unpleasant conversation.

 

* * *

 

 

When the plates have only crumbles left on them, and the liqueur bottle stands, having just a quarter of liquid left in it, Light drinks the fifth glass of beer, gazing at L, who almost lays on the table, looking gloomier than ever.

Light's head spins and he suddenly realizes he's very tired. He looks at Ryuzaki absentmindedly, studying thick black hair in which his fingers got lost so often, which he buried his face in, and reveled in the amazing and unique smell of his Ryuzaki. And that touching thin vein on his temple, that Light kissed so often, and those eyes, and those sweet lips that are moving now in such a seductive way...

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Light asks, to his own surprise sounding completely sober.

"I miss you, Light-kun..." L repeats quietly, refusing to look Light in the eyes. The whole evening he's been thinking of the way to put what he feels in words, and this phrase was the one he ultimately came up with. And that happened just because 'I miss you' was the only wording, which was more or less capable of describing his emotions without sounding too sappy and pathetic.

"But I'm right here," Light says and L knows the phrase failed to convey the meaning. He starts hating his own brain, that could find a way to resolve a knotty problem, to calculate the most compound of the equations in a matter of a minute, but couldn't find the right words or even a way to begin the conversation that means so much to him right now.

As time passes, L finds his self-loathing to be growing exponentially. Along with it, grows the number of shots he drinks while weighing up different phrases he can say. Should he go ahead and straight up just ask Light if he still loves L? That would be stupid, wouldn't it?.. Light broke up with him, so of course he doesn't love L anymore. Are the feelings so easy to get rid of? What did Light even do to stop loving? Or maybe it was L himself, who did something that destroyed Light's love?

L's hazy mind starts working, trying to remember what he said or did, that could have made Light angry and disappointed. First thing that comes to L's mind is his own accusations. But those can't be the reason, after all Light  _is_  Kira. Or was.

L squints his eyes to look at Light, who sips at his drink lazily, watching the people outside the window. He  _is_  Kira.

Sighing, L pours the last drops into his glass, swallowing down the sweet liqueur, the taste of which doesn't make his gloomy mood any brighter. Deciding to ignore Kira matter for at least some time, L starts pondering again. Perhaps, Light stopped caring because of their last fight? L hurt him pretty badly that time. But didn't Light return everything with interest later in the night? L feels his cheeks getting hotter as he remembers how rough love making actually felt even better than tender one. Light was disappointed to find out L loved it hard, and spent whole morning huffing and calling L a little masochist. But it didn't make Light fall out of love. It didn't peeve him. There was only one time on L's memory when Light got really vindictive and spiteful – when L said he wanted Light to be the bottom for the rest of his captivity. In the end, L could only endure three days before giving up and telling Light that being on top was too tiring.

It all started when L asked Light how it felt to be the one, who penetrates. Light got surprised with the question, but honestly said that it felt good.

"Very good?" L specified.

"Yeah."

"I want to try it."

Light dropped the stack of his freshly ironed clothes.

For almost a week Light tried to reason with him, saying that he cherished their relationship as it was, and that he was sure there was a minuscule difference in sensations of top and bottom partners. L asked him, if Light tried being the bottom before, to which Light made an offended face and said hard and insulted 'No'.

"Then you can't say there is no difference. You won't know until you try. Don't you want to know what I feel? Or are you scared of getting hurt? I'm doing it for you almost every night, so why won't you let me try it at least once?"

Light made an unimpressed face, but a shadow of guilt in his eyes made L know he only had to press a little harder.

Two nights later, L was celebrating his victory. Even though the whole experience was very tiring and nerve-wracking, he found it to be wonderful. And even though Light got awfully pissed at L for coming inside, it didn't spoil the detective's impression. And it was after that night, that he told Light he wanted to be the top for the rest of their time together.

Light didn't talk to him for a whole day. Later, when the night came, he smiled sweetly to L's question, if he was ready to get laid again. When L was stripping him off the clothes, Light pouted his lips and covered himself with a sheet, turning his face away, curling into a ball on the bed and flinching each time L touched him the wrong way. When L asked him what was wrong, Light gave him sad, thoughtful eyes but didn't say anything. When L was panting on top of him that night, Light was sending him accusing and disappointed glances each time L missed the spot (which happened a lot more frequently than L was ready to acknowledge). But that wasn't the worst. The worst thing was Light's attitude: Light refused to wake up until L would shower his face with kisses, he stopped giving L their habitual morning kiss after the bathroom procedures, he stopped expressing his feelings in any way and became overbearingly obnoxious and fretful in the whole. What saddened L about the situation the most, wasn't Light's attitude and his whims, but the sudden disappearance of his care for L. He stopped cheering L up whenever the detective felt sad, ceased giving L quick, secretive kisses whenever they found themselves alone, he would forget to put him in bed whenever L would fall asleep on chair, and would demand from L to cuddle him each night, even though he knew L loved to be the who gets cuddled.

Three days later, when L got ultimately fed up with indulging Light's antics, and told him everything he thought of the teen's behavior, Light snapped.

"What did you expect?!" he yelled, "You wanted to try out how it feels, didn't you? I'm more than willing to provide you with full experience of what it's like to be in my shoes! All the things I did, is the shit you made me go through!"

At that point, L was fully prepared to deal with tears and tantrums, so when Light reacted in a way completely different from L's expectations, to L's utter surprise, himself got actually very happy to see the old, hot-headed and angry Light resurfacing from under the missish and sensitive one.

"I'm not that capricious and childish," L objected stubbornly, frowning and pouting unknowingly to himself.

"Yes, you are," Light disagreed more calmly. "Believe me when I say you are even worse than I am. If I took you the first time the way you did it to me, we wouldn't be having any intimacy now at all."

"What did I do wrong? You liked it, didn't you? The fact that you reached orgasm only proves it."

"Hah. Didn't you notice I was desperately jerking myself off to reach it?" Light sniffed scornfully. L tried to recall that night and what exactly Light had been doing, but found he didn't remember anything aside from his own sensations.

"See?" Light pressed on. "You didn't pay attention, and you still don't."

They shared a minute of silence, that was filled with offense from both sides. Light shook his head dejectedly and crouched in front of L, taking his hands in his own.

"I love you, Ryuzaki," he said softly, "and I don't really care how we do it."

L smirked sarcastically. That was a big lie. Light  _did_  care about it, a lot more than L. Ignoring L's expression, Light went on:

"I just don't want you to make it a condition that I must stay the bottom until the end of times."

"I never said so."

"But you meant it that way," Light sighed and then smiled, leaning closer, so that their foreheads got pressed against each other. "Do you really like it that much?" he asked quietly.

"It feels good..." L murmured in response. It really felt good, but it was much more exhausting than he ever thought it would be, and that fact alone took a great deal of pleasure away. It was after this experiment, that he started to respect Light's ability to go for the second, or even the third round with a little rest in between. "But it's taxing. When you do it to me, it feels a little better... Just a bit. I'm not sure."

Light snickered.

"Alright, I get it," he said, still wearing a smile. "A change of routine ever so often it is then. Peace?"

L eyed him suspiciously and asked:

"Do you promise to quit this unreasonable behavior of yours and never to repeat it again?"

"I promise," Light said and pecked L's lips gently.

After that incident L never once asked Light to switch roles again. But can it be that Light's still angry with him because of that?

"Yagami-kun promised me," L mutters, slurring the words in such an awful manner, that it becomes almost impossible to make out what he's saying, "promised to never act sissy again."

For the longest time Light silently watches him with vacant eyes. Eventually, he sets aside his glass and gestures for the waiter to come.

"Bill, please," Light says as soon as the waiter comes running to their booth.

L feels like bumping his head against the table. So much time wasted, and still no results, thanks to his inability to think of the way to start the needed conversation.

When bill is laying on the table, Light studies it for a long minute, then sighs and reaches for his wallet. Catering L proves to be quite taxing. Aside from the fact he wasted almost all of the money he had on that stupid cake and entertainment (movie and dinner), Light got an unpleasant bonus in form of a headache and giddiness.

"How much?" L prattles while trying to take a peek at the sum in the check. "I'll pay, Yagami-kun, it won't be fair otherwise..."

Light ignores him, so L snatches the bill away, screwing his eyes in attempts to make out the digits. His vision blurs, making his task pretty much impossible. Giving up after a minute of unsuccessful attempts, L raises dull eyes at Light and drawls:

"Do they accept credit cards?"

Light doesn't reply. The image of his gloomy face doubles and sways to the sides a little, making L feel sick.

"Let's go," Light finally says and stands up. L dumbly watches the teen, as the other dons his white coat and then looks at L expectantly. Slowly, L raises from the table but plops back right away. His feet virtually gave way under him.

"God dammit," Light hisses, obviously annoyed. L feels like crying.

Nevertheless, Light's hands pull him up from the chair and put L's arm over his shoulders.

"Let's take you home," Light says, as they slowly make it to the exit.

L nods, not really paying attention to his words. Sympathizing glances of the bar's clients also go unnoticed to him.

"Give me your cellphone," Light says as soon as they find themselves on the street. A stark contrast of temperatures sobers L up a little, as the first goosebumps break out on his skin with a gust of cold air.

"No," he mumbles, snuggling up to the teen. Light is warm and cozy, like a big heater that walks, talks and kills criminals. "I can't give it to you, there's too much confidential information there."

Light lets out an exasperated sigh. L's legs give way under him again and he throws his arms around Light's neck, pressing into him with his whole body.

"Oi, Ryuzaki," Light says in a warning tone. "Get off me."

His hands then forcefully rip L off, holding him by the forearms. L stands staggering, and if it wasn't for Light's hands that hold him in place, he'd probably sink on the ground.

Drunk, miserable and heartbroken, Ryuzaki sniffs pitifully.

"Do you hate me?" he asks, looking at the pavement below his feet.

"Of course not."

Light turns him around and starts to carefully lead him somewhere. Pavement rolls before L's eyes, intensifying the nausea.

"Why don't you want to kiss me then?" L asks bitterly. "I want to kiss you."

This time around, it takes Light a little longer to answer:

"I told you, didn't I? We can't be together. And hush your voice, please."

"Why?"

When Light doesn't reply for longer than a minute, L snatches his hand away from Light's grasp and stops dead in his tracks.

"What now?" Light asks, irritated, stopping as well. "Come on, let's call Watari and take you home."

"I don't want to go home."

"You're drunk."

"So what?"

"Oh my god..." Light mutters under his breath tiredly.

"Light-kun," L mumbles, tugging at the sleeve of Light's coat. "Will you be sad when I die?"

"Huh? Don't say such things, you're not going to die. "

"I am, I can feel it... Both my mind and intuition tell me that. After all, the first time I learned about Kira, I knew it was going to end badly. Still, I wanted to try... You know, I never really cared that Kira is deemed a threat to the world," L keeps blabbing while Light rolls his eyes. "I was merely going to do the thing I'm best at."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Call Watari."

"I thought it would be fun," L sniffs, ignoring the teen once again, and takes a seat on the stairs of some building that closed for the night. After a moment of hesitation, Light carefully lowers himself down beside the detective. "I should have known... I had some vague kind of worry when I just started working on the case, that specific sense of foreboding... But the temptation was stronger. I couldn't resist it, could I?"

"No, you couldn't. Call Watari, Ryuzaki, I bet he's getting worried."

"And then, I suddenly realized it was going to be the end. The one they write about in books, when a famous detective dies after solving the case of his life. That's it. As soon as the detective solves the mystery, he dies."

L pauses. Light secretly yawns.

"You are Kira, Light-kun, I know that," L says very quietly. "I also know the way to prove it."

Light keeps silent for a little while, watching Ryuzaki with a guarded and a bit annoyed look on his face.

"I'm not Kira," he says firmly, "You just want me to be him, that's all."

L shakes his head but regrets the action immediately, as it's caused the picture before his eyes to sway uncontrollably for a minute more.

"You are Kira, and you are the case of my life," he slurs, "My death is only a matter of time. But... it makes me sad to know that we will never see each other again. Don't you feel the same?"

"I don't. Because you're talking nonsense, Ryuzaki. Good god, just call Watari at last, and let's end this meaningless conversation."

"...I've been thinking about it very often for the past few days. I couldn't understand why the thought of us parting makes me feel so depressed. I always knew that it's either you or me, who's going to be dead in the end. But... is it destined to be that way?"

When Light doesn't answer, L takes a deep breath and lays his head on Light's shoulder, leaning on him.

"Do you believe in destiny, Light-kun?" he asks, "Do you believe that every step we make, had been predetermined long before we were born?"

"Maybe," Light shrugs. "But even if everything we do was predetermined, it doesn't mean we should sit back and be complacent with whatever happens in our lives. In the end, fate is more like chances that life gives you, I believe. Struggle, overcoming and goals make everything, don't they?" He pauses and then nudges L's side, "Why are we even talking about this? If you're making your way to a conclusion, just say it."

"The thing is," L says slowly, "I wonder, if we can go against the ill fate?"

"Care to explain?"

"You say struggle makes everything. So... do you believe we can somehow fight back what comes our way, however inescapable it seems?"

"Of course. That's the whole point of it: you fight, and you either win or lose."

"Aha..." L mutters thoughtfully, which looks ridiculous, considering his dazed state. "Normally I wouldn't agree with Light-kun's point of view, but the situation at hand is getting out of control so..."

He doesn't finish the sentence. Tightly grasping Light by the shoulders, L turns the teen to make Light look him in the eyes. Ignoring his "Ow, what the hell, Ryuzaki?", L takes a deep breath and, without beating about the bush, asks the question, that's been nagging at his mind for the past days:

"Do you still love me?"

Light rounds his eyes. The expression of a pure shock is written all over his face, as he stares back at the detective, keeping his lips sealed. Ten seconds pass like that – L stares, Light gawks, both of them never blink.

"Well?" L urges. "Do you?"

Slowly, Light's eyes become squinted, and soon he brushes L's hands off his shoulders.

"Of course I do," he says in a slightly mocking tone, "Didn't I tell you that just a few days ago?"

"That changes everything!" L whispers excitedly.

"If you say so."

Light frowns. The pounding in his head's subsided a little with the help of fresh air, but the tiredness never left him. He wants to go home and fall face first into the pillow on his bed, leaving Ryuzaki and all of his questions behind.

The conversation L started is a pointless drunken drivel, and this question of his 'Do you love me?' is nothing but a way for L to comfort himself. Ryuzaki's always been like that, he loves to feel pampered and cherished. He never once gave a single darn about feelings. When Light confessed to him the first time, in a broken, nervous whisper, standing in the empty hallway while they were waiting for the elevator to come, L turned round eyes at him and said 'Um... thanks?'.

And that was all. Light didn't know what he expected to hear in return but 'thanks' certainly wasn't one of the things he counted on. Maybe it was L being socially inapt, maybe it was Light taking things too far too early, but the fact remained: Ryuzaki took and didn't deem it necessary to give back in any form. For L their relationship consisted of sex and sex only. But what Light could have possibly expected, if he baited Ryuzaki's body, which hadn't known neither kissing, nor intimacy, with pleasure? L got hooked on after just one time. His attitude made it painfully clear he wasn't really interested in Light as a person, rather his interest revolved around the pleasure Light could give him. The incident with Aiber earlier today only proved it – it doesn't matter for L who he's with, as long as he's able to get what he wants.

Sex... Light's honestly starting to hate it, just because L loves it so much. This purely consumerist attitude that Ryuzaki has, makes Light feel dirty, as if he's indulging vices by being, generally speaking, L's personal sex toy. Light's frustration with Ryuzaki's coldness pushed him to dire attempts of showing L that sex wasn't always fun. He wanted Ryuzaki to feel pain, to feel used and abused. So Light tried: he bit, spanked, marked L's body, pulled at his hair and called him dirty names. Later on, L told him he liked that. To Light's horror and disgust, he found himself liked that, too.

Their relationship wasn't the right thing. At least, it didn't add up to the normal flow – L wasn't a pretty girl, there were no dates, flowers, holding hands, kisses under moonlight and long walks in a park. Not that Light wanted all of that, no, if anything, he was grateful L never bothered him with such requests. But still, something was wrong. It was later that Light understood he wanted L to be his and his only, he wanted to have both body and soul; accomplishing this mission by banging Ryuzaki every night proved to be unsuccessful, just like loving words and heartfelt care did.

So innocent and gentle at first, Ryuzaki proved to Light it wasn't his true nature. Tragic. When Light thought of ideal relationship, he didn't have a clear picture of such, but he knew that in case with L, he wanted it to be sweeter. Happier. But...what seemed the stairs to heaven, turned out to be a rickety ladder that crashed under Light's feet. He tried to grab at his heaven as tightly as he could, but it was unravelling, and soon turned into a flimsy thread that slid between his fingers and disappeared without a trace.

Break up wasn't exactly a necessary thing, but it's established some kind of an invisible barrier between them, which has granted Light a distance from Ryuzaki, both on emotional and physical levels. And, considering the fact L's ought to die very soon, this distance will justify itself in no time. Because Light knows he  _will_  miss Ryuzaki, and the earlier Light accepts and gets used to the loss, the easier it would be for him in the future.

"Light-kun, I..." L pauses and licks at his lips nervously. "You may think I'm going crazy but..."

"Li~ght!"

A high-pitched shriek echoes around the otherwise quiet street.

_Oh no_.

As if slapped, Light jerks his head to the side, looking at the swiftly approaching figure. Misa. She runs to him, waving her hand excitedly and giggling on the way. Behind Misa's back looms a dark silhouette of Ryuk, and even despite pretty dim streetlights, Light recognizes the shinigami's menacing leer.

Light takes a quick glance at Ryuzaki, who sits unmoving, staring at the ground below.

"Your girlfriend's here," L comments. "Funny. Seems there's no way to fight the ill fate..."

"Light!" Misa cries happily, stretching the syllables of his name, and soon throws herself at Light's neck, accidentally hitting him with her bag in the process.

"I'm so happy I ran into you!" she coos, placing smacking kisses on Light's cheek, "You said we won't meet today, so I worked into the night on a shoot, and Hideki-kun even offered me a lift home, but Misa thought her Light would get jealous, so she refused Hideki-kun's kind proposal and decided to walk home! The weather is so bad, and Misa was scared it would start raining, so Misa was thinking about her Light all the way home, and that kept her happy!"

She pauses the endless stream of words, that flow from her mouth, to rub her cheek against Light's and squeeze him in the arms for the last time before distancing herself.

"Hi, Misa," Light says, trying to appear at least somewhat pleased with the meeting.

"Oi, Light, missed me?" Ryuk greens from behind Misa's back. He lets out a cackling laughter after the sullen glare Light gives him.

"What are you doing here?" Misa goes on, ignoring both Light and Ryuk, "It's almost night and you sit here, right in the street, with..."

She pauses and finally focuses her attention on L. For a splitting second her eyes gleam with red, as she stares at something above the detective's head. Ryuk's laughter becomes almost unbearable. Light feels his own eyes narrowing. That's it. Misa's just read L's real name.

"Hello, Misa-san," L says, waving his hand sluggishly.

"Hello, Ryuzaki..." she answers in a somewhat baffled manner. She then looks L in the eyes and laughs: "I'm so shocked right now! I thought you'd never leave your den!"

"I thought so too," L agrees, stretching his lips and chortling in a completely drunken manner.

"What are you two even doing here?" Misa asks, looking from Light to L in turns.

"We're on a promenade," Light says, "I thought that a bit of fresh air would clear our minds, and Ryuzaki agreed to go for a walk."

"Ah, is that so?" Misa drawls and then chuckles. "Seems like Ryuzaki needed that badly, he got tipsy from so much oxygen!"

She points at L, whose face has suddenly obtained a delicate green color.

"I feel like throwing up," the detective mumbles, "Misa-san's perfume is making me want to vomit."

"Hu-u-uh?" Misa frowns, placing her hands on hips in a bellicose manner and sticking out her lower lip. "What are you trying to say, Ryuzaki?! Do I smell bad?! You should sniff yourself, you stink like a cheap bar, ew!"

"I'm certain he didn't mean it that way," Light says hastily, and stands up, lifting L by the arm. "I'm sorry, Misa, would you mind waiting here for a few minutes? I believe Ryuzaki got sick."

He's about to drag L on a safe distance from Misa, when he notices her rummaging in her bag, no doubt in search of her notebook where she keeps a few pieces of death note as Light told her to.

"Misa," Light says, turning to look at her. "Wait for me."

Misa pauses and looks him in the eyes. Then, she nods slowly, following both men with her eyes until they disappear behind the corner of the street.

As soon as Light stops to once again try and convince Ryuzaki to call Watari, the detective pushes him off and rushes headlong to a narrow, dark side-street where he doubles over and falls on his knees. Judging by the sounds of retching that follow, L must feel truly bad.

Light cautiously walks up to him, and crouches beside L, pushing his hair back from the cold and wet forehead.

"Here," he says quietly, handing a napkin to the detective.

L nods repeatedly, wiping his mouth with shaking hands.

"I told you to call Watari a long time ago," Light chides with a sigh. "Now look what happened."

"I'm sorry..."

"What's done is done... Are you going to call him now?"

"Yes..." L nods, struggling to stand up on his feet. He then flips his phone open and clicks some buttons. "He'll be here in a few minutes. You can return to Amane-san... no need to stay with me."

"I have to be completely heartless to leave you here, in such state, alone."

L glances at him but doesn't say a word. Two minutes they spend in silence, listening to the random noises of evening streets: barking of dogs, muffled phrases that reach their ears from the open windows of nearby apartments, rumble of cars and whistle of wind.

"It was a nice evening..." L whispers, "thank you."

"Yeah, it was nice. Despite the fact that you got drunk, talked nonsense and threw up."

"I'm sorry..."

Light shrugs his shoulders and squints his eyes to take a quick glance at L. The detective still appears to be pretty heavily intoxicated. That's good, it means he won't be able to work on the case in such state. L is most likely to flake out of the world as soon as his head hits the pillow. And tomorrow... it will be over for him. Even if Rem suddenly refuses to do her part of the job, he can do it on his own. Misa knows L's real name. It's all good as over.

The thought that he sees Ryuzaki for most probably the last time in his life, makes Light linger his eyes on the still green and sick looking L. He desperately wants to catch L's hand into his own and kiss it, and hold him close, to feel his heartbeat that would surely drum its way into Light's chest. He knows he shouldn't do it, he'll just make it harder for himself. Best to keep playing indifference. Best to think of what he'll be able to achieve once L's no longer a hindrance.

A slick, expensive-looking black car pulls over the sidewalk. L turns to look at him with a strange expression on his face – it's both longing, disappointment and something else... something, that Light can not recognize, since he's never seen such emotion to twist the features of L's face before.

"Well... Goodbye, Light-kun."

There's no sadness or grief that can be heard in L's voice, but in that deeply calm tone of his hides fatigue. As if L's been shouting from across the precipice for the longest time, and then said to himself a quiet and detached: "Hopeless".

Light nods to Ryuzaki, keeping his hands in the pockets of his coat. He feels like he should say something, so he clears his throat, flinging a pointless "Goodnight". Before Watari closes the door of the car, L gives him another long look and smiles. The smile of his lacks of sensibility and joy, but he tries his hardest to pour it out on Light.

For a moment Watari's back hides L from his eyes, and when the old man steps aside, Light can only see his own reflection in the tinted, opaque glass of the car's window.

"Yagami-kun," Watari says in form of goodbye, nods, and soon the car drives away, twinkling with its red rear lights.

"Light?"

Misa's voice sounds a little perturbed. She peeks at him from around the corner of a building, while Ryuk flies past her to hover beside Light. Slowly, Misa follows the shinigami and stops in front of her beloved, fiddling with her fingers relentlessly.

"I learned Ryuzaki's real name," she says. "Do you want me to tell you?"

Light's eyes are cold as he looks down at her. Still, he keeps his silence, watching as Misa rummages in her small designer bag and takes out her notebook.

"His name is pretty weird, so I wrote it down in case I forget how it's spelled," she says sheepishly, tearing out a page from the notebook. "I figured you'd want to do it yourself, so I didn't write it in the death note... Here."

Light looks down. There, on Misa's obligingly stretched out hands lays a small piece of paper. Light reaches out and takes it carefully, trying to subside the tremor that his hands are shaking with. His knees feel weak as he stares at the neatly written letters, suddenly overwhelmed to the point of feeling nauseous.

"Are you... sure you wrote it correctly?" he asks quietly.

"Yes. I told you his name is pretty weird."

"I see..." he murmurs. Light doesn't look at Misa, hypnotized with the pieces of paper he's holding. She watches as his lips slowly stretch in a wide smile before what sounds like a nervous giggle leaves his throat.

"Misa did a good job, right?" she asks, folding her hands on her chest as if praying, "Does it make Light happy?"

Finally, Light tears his eyes away from the notebook's page to look at Misa. The grin he's wearing is a little frightening, but Misa ignores this fact as Light pulls her in his arms. Her cheeks redden as the smell of his perfume hits her nostrils.

"Yes, Misa, you did a very good job. Thank you."

She raises her head to look Light in the eyes. They are glimmering as Light smiles a soft smile, that graces his face in such a beautiful way. For the umpteenth time Misa thinks that she's the happiest girl in the world to be the one who Light holds and loves.

When Light leans down to give her a gentle kiss, her head starts spinning as she clutches at Light's coat, scared she'd fall from the pure rush of raw emotions. The kiss ends too soon, but Misa doesn't dare to ask of more – Light's already stepped out of his usual boundaries by kissing her in public. So she sighs contentedly, resting her head on Light's chest and choosing to ignore the hint of beer she tasted on his lips, as well as Ryuk's hoarse laughter as the shinigami chortles its amusement with the things that only it knows.


	5. Night

After saying his goodbye to Misa, Light walks home, mechanically mulling over the list of things he needs to do as soon as he steps over the threshold of his house: take shower, change clothes, take aspirin. He makes a conscious effort not to think of what he's going to do with L's name he now knows.

The road he walks down is completely empty – most people of his quiet neighborhood are already at home, even though it's only 10 p.m. The moon shines above his head, pockmarked and distant. Laughter, conversations, music and clinking of glasses were left in the bar, and silence's settled in Light's ears. Silence, thick and rich. Almost edible.

As Light comes closer and closer to his home, he notices a strange thing: the windows are unusually dark, there's no light in the living room, or his parents' bedroom. Perhaps, everyone's already asleep?

Wicket gate creaks as Light opens it. He gropes his pockets for keys, then turns them in the lock and opens the door.

"I'm home," he says in a low voice, purely out of habit, while taking off his shoes. Turning the lights on, he trudges down the hallway and into the dark kitchen. First thing he notices there, is a note, sticked to the fridge.

'Light, our family's invited to Fujimuras, they are having a party on occasion of the birth of their first grandson. I told you about that yesterday, and asked you to come with us, but you chose to flee the house before any of us woke up. I'm very disappointed with your irresponsible attitude towards your family (we haven't seen you in months after all!). We'll probably stay there 'till late, so don't go looking for us. The dinner is in the fridge, in case you come home hungry. Mom.'

Below the neat handwriting there is a goofy smiling face and the word 'dweeb', both of which, no doubt, were put there by Sayu.

Shrugging his shoulders, Light crumples the note in his fist and throws it into the bin. Screw Fujimuras and their grandson, paying a visit to them was the least relevant thing he could do today.

Suppressing a yawn, Light reaches to one of the cupboards where he knows the medicine chest is stored. Best to take a pill, shower, and just go to sleep, leaving matters to be solved the next day. The night brings counsel, as they say.

 

* * *

 

Reeling and unsteady Ryuzaki shows up on the threshold of the surveillance room two hours after Watari forced him to drink a few glasses of water, and put him in bed. He stands there, peeking at the old man from behind stray locks of hair on his face, which looks pallid and remarkably distressed.

"What is it, L?" Watari asks him in a gentle voice. "I thought you were sleeping?"

L doesn't answer, and silently stares at him with sorrowful eyes. It almost feels like he eagerly wants to say something, but can't find the right words, or maybe he lacks strength to utter the thoughts that whirl in his mind.

"It's all fine," Watari says, hoping to cheer his ward up a little. "Everything's going to be alright."

L takes a spasmodic intake of air, looks aside and says in such a faint voice, that Watari barely recognizes it:

"I'm sorry."

The old man feels his heart plummeting down. That is the end. L is admitting defeat.

He doesn't let the emotions to show on his face, indeed, why make it harder for both of them? So instead of wringing hands and forcing L to take back his words, he gives his ward the kindest of smiles.

"You are not the one to blame."

Seeing L so unhappy is excruciating. Even L's usually spiky hair's drooped down and sagged. His mood has been going downhill ever since his prime suspect was set free and cleared of suspicions. To think: that boy, Yagami, managed to do something so unthinkably awful that it left L in a state of complete and utter helplessness.

Watari wants to sigh and to reprove L, to remind him of the dozens of times when he, Watari, warned, pleaded and demanded of L to put an end to the horrible pretense of relationship that the detective got bogged down in.

Watari had always thought of himself as of a man with liberal and tolerant views, but once he spotted his ward, who was pretty much still a child at heart, do obscene things with that Yagami boy, the liberality of his views melted, revealing a thick armor of the most primitive of prejudices. The night the old man witnessed the two in a compromising position for the first time, he had to take a cardiac just so as to not lose consciousness then and there. It was hard to take in, that always so clever, wise and cautious L would do something so foolish and wrong. When Watari finally got a chance to start an awkward conversation with L about the matter, his ward raised round eyes at him and said there were absolutely no reasons for worry, and that he was doing it for the sake of the investigation. Those words set Watari's mind at rest, and he begrudgingly agreed with yet another extraordinary crime-solving method that his ward had come up with. However, as time passed, Watari's suspicions came back, stronger than ever. He couldn't not notice the secretive smiles that the pair was exchanging, he couldn't miss the happy glint that L's eyes obtained whenever Yagami boy kissed or hugged him. That was when Watari knew L was lying about sacrificing the inviolability of his body for the sake of the investigation. But what could the old man do? L ignored pieces of Watari's careful and highly tactful advice, he brushed it off his shoulder when Watari reminded him that Light had a girlfriend, he'd make a bored expression whenever the old man would start talking about the nature of L's and his suspect's relationship. He even got very offended when Watari stressed the age gap between the two. All in all, there was no way of talking L out of the insane amorous adventure.

L might not have comprehended what was happening to himself at that time, but it was obvious for his caretaker – the detective fell in love for the very first, and probably the last, time in his life. Sadly enough, first love rarely gets a happy ending, and L wasn't the exception to the rule, despite Watari's silent pleas to God to spare his inexperienced ward from going through inevitable consequences.

Yagami left. L was broken.

Watari knows that no self-sufficiency and independence can disperse L's longing for that boy, as well as he understands himself can not be the one to pick the pieces of L's heart and put them back together. The world deceived L for the first time: he loved, but was not loved. His glass was emptied, and that emptiness promised a chance to choose what to refill that glass with, and sadly enough, L chose to fill it with his own grief.

And now L stands before him, drawing the line under the last chapter of his fall.

"I..." he starts again, raising his eyes to look at Watari. "I love him."

Silence follows his words. Watari sits still, waiting for L to continue.

"I want to stay with him," L mumbles, lowering his head and biting into his thumb. "No matter the cost."

"What do you mean by saying that?" Watari asks quietly.

"I am going to postpone the investigation. I want to give both of us time to discuss things and settle the issues."

"But.. What does Yagami-kun think about that? Even if you come to an agreement, chances are good he will break it and betray you. If he is indeed Kira, he might murder you, do you realize this?"

"Yes," L smiles. "He might kill me. Getting rid of me is one of his ultimate goals, after all. Nevertheless, I am willing to at least give us a chance... If I just die, never attempting to have a serious conversation with him, it would... it would be the thing I'd be regretting over even in death."

"And what will you do, if he confesses he is Kira?" Watari persist anxiously.

L seems to have become pensive, plucking at his lower lip for a few seconds before smiling at the old man again.

"I have a few plans of actions, but I'm not sure if Light-kun will approve of them..." he mumbles, staring at his toes. "I'm certain we'll eventually figure out our next steps together."

"L..." Watari says as his voice gives a quaver. "I understand everything, but this is a little too much, don't you think so?"

"No." L then raises his head and looks at Watari. "I love him."

For a second, everything goes black before Watari's eyes. He wants to shake L up, tell him that he acts foolish, tell him that in such state L can't make decisions, ask him if Light even returns the detective's warm feelings, remind him that being L means being alone, threaten him to deprive L of all the power he has. Millions of questions whirl like an angry, buzzing swarm in Watari's mind: What is L going to do if he and Light, for whatever unfathomable reason, would come to some sort of agreement? Is L really going to spend his life with a man, a serial killer at that? And what are both of them going to tell Light's father, who, no doubt, would die of a heart attack, without any help from Kira, once he hears of his son dating L? And what about that girl, Misa? Where both of these foolish young men are going to live? Does L even realize that letting Light in his life basically means giving him carte blanche to wreck the whole world?

Watari wants to pour out all of these questions. But then he raises his color-faded eyes to look at his ward's pallid, hollow-cheeked face.

L smiles. Like a maniac, or like one, who's insanely in love, both of which are essentially the same things. He smiles at Watari, half-eaten, picked to the bone, and this smile of his decides everything. To hell with the rational thinking, questions and everything else, including the attempts to bring L to reason. If it were for some other case, Watari would stop L, forbid him seeing the boy, tie him up if needed. But not now. L is like the little mermaid, who came to trade her tail for those overrated feet, and gave her voice at one, and would probably yield anything else that she's got, if asked of such. Those in love and maniacs are equally reckless, are the same, and it's pointless to argue with both.

With a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach, Watari stands up and walks to L, silently wrapping his arms around L's narrow form. To his surprise, the detective doesn't attempt to break out, as he's always been doing since the day he turned sixteen; quite the contrary, L willingly surrenders himself to the warmth of the hug, and a moment later his arms encircle the old man in return.

 _'That's it,'_ Watari thinks, closing his eyes. An unwanted tear slides down his cheek.  _'My poor, dear boy... May God be with you.'_

 

* * *

 

When Light wakes up in the silence of his own bedroom, his heart is shaking a leg somewhere right in his throat, and his stomach is twisting itself in a searing spiral. Pillows and sheets are wringing wet, as he sits up on them, wanting to bring his hand up and touch his lips. His fingers are trembling, and Light is sure – as soon as he brings his hand close enough to his face, he will smell the scent of Ryuzaki's hair.

He wants to say he woke up from a nightmare, but the worst part is, such statement would just not be completely true. Yet again, he dreamt of L. The memories of that dream slip through his fingers as his mind struggles to recollect the pieces: the tip of L's tongue against Light's ear and collarbone, his soft voice, and Light's desperate attempts to pull L closer, each of which ended in a failure, since Light's hands seemed to slip through L like smoke. Light remembers being very angry and confused, he vaguely recalls himself shouting at L, demanding for an explanation, while the detective purred and laughed, saying "I didn't make these rules". The rest of his dream was a mess of his own frustration, L's mouth on and around him, L's laughter, and the feeling of helplessness as he tried to at least catch L's fingers with his lips, only to find they turned to smoke as soon as Light came in contact with them. However futile the dream was, a part of it itched into Light's mind. The part that resulted in his unpleasant awakening. There he got so irked and livid with unsuccessful attempts to touch the detective, that he threatened to kill Ryuzaki but found he couldn't even begin recalling L's real name.

The dream ended abruptly, when L pulled the death note out of nowhere. After a few seconds of writing in it, L ripped a page out and tossed it on Light's chest.

His name, Light's own name was written on the piece of the death note. As Light raised his eyes to stare at Ryuzaki, his heart skipped a beat. He suddenly felt his left arm growing numb, and his vision began to darken as he gasped for air.

Before everything went dark, Light woke up, sweaty and panting.

And now he sits, rubbing his arm and wincing from the numbness that sleeping in an uncomfortable position brought. Reaching out with his hand, Light picks up a piece of paper with L's name, that he improvidently left on a nightstand.

 _'It's okay,'_  he thinks, as his eyes bore into paper.  _'Everything's okay.'_

But a maggot of unreasonable fear has already been laid deep in his heart. He sits still, staring at the piece of paper with unblinking eyes. Maybe he shouldn't wait for tomorrow. Maybe it would be better if he kills L right now, or writes the cause and the time of his death, as a guarantee, so that nothing screws his plans up. It would be convenient... as L will be dying, Rem will certainly figure out the situation and kill that geezer, Watari, before he has a chance to do anything.

So...

Light clenches his fists, as his eyes catch a faint glint of watches that encircle his wrist, hiding the scars that the handcuffs left. There, behind the dial that reads 1 a.m., hidden in a metal case, lays his little secret. How easy it is, to get the piece of the death note and sentence L to death? Slowly, Light lays his fingers on the crown and pauses. What if something goes wrong?.. What if Rem won't make a move in time, or worse, what if he miscalculates the time of death? Any of those mistakes promise horrible consequences...

A sound of something bumping against and then rolling down the roof rips Light out of thoughts. He flinches and jerks his head to look up – a blank, clean ceiling greets his eyes. Uncertain, Light turns his head to look at the window: branches of trees, darkened with night, sway peacefully outside of the house. The moon peeks into his room through a big crevice in the curtains. Nothing else.

Letting out a sigh he didn't know he was holding, Light shakes his head and pulls his fingers away from the crown of the watches. Then he shoves the paper piece with L's name in the pocket of his pajama pants. It's best to go with his initial plan. Even if anything unplanned happens, he'll always have the way to get rid of L.

As Light stands up to go to the kitchen and get a glass of water, another knock on the roof makes him stop in his tracks. Frowning, Light carefully steps closer to the window to take a glance outside. As he's about to draw the curtain back, the knock repeats, this time louder.

"What the hell?" Light mutters, opening the balcony door.

Cold air hits his heated skin as he lets out a small gasp. His eyes dart across the empty street, then wander around the dark front courtyard. Streetlights emit dim yellow light on the foliage, casting a giant black shadow on the grass. Light stands uncertain, straining his eyes to discern movement, but finds nothing that could have disturbed the overall calmness of the sleepy neighborhood.

 _'Must have been a branch or something,'_  he thinks, shuddering from the gust of cold wind. Turning around, he's just about to step back into his room, when something hits his head from behind. The impact isn't painful, just a small flick at the back of his head. Lowering his gaze on the floor of the balcony, Light finds a few small pebbles, much like the ones that decorate the ground beneath the bushes in the yard.

"Hey!" he says loudly, whirling to face the street again. "Is someone there? Get out before I call the police!"

Bushes start rustling, and then a painfully familiar voice comes from behind the branches and leaves:

"Light-kun, come down," the shrub whispers loudly.

For a second Light dumbly looks at the trembling bush. He blinks slowly and leans forward, scrutinizing the shrubbery with a suspicious stare.

"Ryuzaki?.."

"Yes, it's me. Come down, Light-kun."

"Wha... What the hell are you doing there?! How did you even-"

Before Light finishes speaking, the shrub rustles again and L peeks out to stare at Light.

"Uh... Never mind, I'll be there in a second," Light sighs, and hurries back into his room. A minute later he opens the front door and walks out, turning his head to look different directions.

"Ryuzaki?" he whispers anxiously. "Where are you?"

"I'm here," comes the reply from the shrub, then the leaves start rustling, and soon enough L emerges, looking at Light with slightly crazy eyes.

"You probably didn't expect this," he whispers hastily, seizing Light by the hand before the other can do so much as blink. "And I know you have many questions, but we don't have much time. I'll explain everything later. We must hurry."

Light blinks once, then twice. Slowly, the expression of surprise on his face changes into a frown.

"What in heaven's name are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about us," L blurts out desperately, tightening his grasp. "I'm talking about you and me."

"So?" Light arches his brow, awkwardly trying to wrench his hand out of L's.

"So?" Ryuzaki repeats in an indignant whisper. "Can you not understand?!"

"What should I understand? Hell, Ryuzaki, it's almost half past one and you came here to talk nonsense! I'm tired and I was sleeping but you woke me up with those stupid pebbles. Couldn't you just call in the morning or something? I'm not even going to mention that you're still drunk and should be asleep," Light hisses. "Go back home. Tomorrow's a working day."

"I'm not going anywhere without you. I've come to take you with me."

"Really? Well, you forgot to ask for my opinion on the matter, but that's okay, I'll enlighten you right now," Light jeers and frees his hand out of L's grasp with one forceful pull. "I'm not going with you anywhere."

"Why not?.." L mumbles, clutching at Light's shoulders with both hands. He then steps so close to Light's face that if he wished so, Light could count the lashes on L's eyes. "We must leave together."

Light opens his mouth to retort with 'You're drunk, go home', when the headlights of a car, that moves down the road, hit his eyes. The car rapidly approaches, and soon enough the realization comes down – it's Light's parents.

"Hide," he mouthes to L, simultaneously pushing the detective into the nearest shrub.

"Ow, Light-kun, that hurts," L mutters, resisting sluggishly. "Please stop."

"My parents are coming back. And if I am more or less able to explain you being here to my mom, I have no idea what I'm going to tell my father. So, please sit here and be quiet for a while," Light says, while trying to cover L with branches as much as it's possible. "As soon as they're inside, just... just get out, okay?"

He doesn't wait for L to reply and rushes back into the house. A few moments later he's already on the second floor, and just as he hops onto his bed with the first book that's within the reach of his hand, the front door clicks open.

"I can't get over how cute the baby is," Light hears his mother's muffled voice. "And the renovation they had is very sweet. I think we too should paint the walls peach, don't you agree, darling? Hold on, grab these bags and take them to kitchen, please."

Soichiro mumbles something unintelligible in response.

"Is Light even at home? I have a feeling I've barely seen him for weeks," Sachiko continues. She then sighs and grumbles: "I swear to god, he's constantly away as of late. I won't be surprised if he doesn't come home tonight."

"He's home, ma," Sayu replies, "I think I saw lights in his room. I'll check if he's awake."

Light hears the sounds of her feet ascending the stairs. Swiftly, he puts the book onto his face and lays down, pretending to be asleep. A minute later a quiet knock on the door resounds in his room, and, without waiting for Light's reply, Sayu peeks her head inside.

"Onii-chan, are you awake?"

"Hm?" Light flinches and pulls the book off of his face, looking at his sister with sleepy eyes. "Oh, hi, Sayu. Did I miss something?"

"Wow, you sleep like this? That's something new. Don't worry, it's just mom's been wondering if you're at home."

"Yeah, I came home, decided to have a nice read before bed, and just... tuned out, you know?"

"That happens to me all the time when I'm in math class," Sayu grins. "So-"

A suspiciously loud crackle of what sounds like snapping branches interrupts her. It comes from just behind the windows of Light's bedroom, and Sayu glances at the closed curtains curiously. Light feels his heart missing a beat.

"What was that?" Sayu asks.

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"That sound, didn't you hear it? It's like someone is walking outside of our house. Weird."

"Oh, that. I'm sure it's just the wind," Light laughs, sitting up on the bed and walking to the door with the intention of sending his sister out. "Never mind, that tree always makes such noise when it's windy."

"Really? I've never heard it before..." she says, frowning her brows in concern. "Shouldn't we at least take a peek and check if someone's roaming out there?"

Light gives his sister a surprised look and then laughs, tapping on her shoulder.

"Come now, I'm telling you it's nothing. You can go and check, if you want to."

"No," she shakes her head, smiling. "You're probably right."

Light returns the smile, as Sayu opens the door of his room, saying:

"I'm gonna go downstairs and tell mom you're home."

Nodding, Light patiently waits for Sayu to start descending the stairs before closing the door and rushing to the balcony on the opposite side of his room. As he slides the door open, the first thing he sees there is L, who seems to be hanging on the railing, desperately clutching at it and trying to pull himself up.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Light squeaks in a loud whisper, not knowing if he should help Ryuzaki up, or just push him to fall on the ground.

"I'm letting myself in," L replies in strained voice, throwing his leg over the railing and drooping there for a moment of relaxation. "You could have helped me. I might have fallen down, you know?"

"Oh my god, Ryuzaki, you shouldn't be here. Go back."

"No," L shakes his head, finally dropping himself on the balcony floor with little to no grace. He then raises his head to look Light in the eyes. "I told you I'm not leaving without you."

As Light pauses, still, staring at L with the mix of disbelief and annoyance evident in his eyes, Ryuzaki stands up and casually walks into Light's room. His eyes dart around with curiosity, examining walls, furniture and all the clutter there is. Frowning, Light silently follows the detective's movements with his eyes, taking a notice of L's horrible appearance: he's barefoot and disheveled, his feet are covered with dust, little branches and leaves stick out from his hair, his fingers are smeared with something that looks like soot, and the smell of damp grass comes from him.

"Are you done?" Light asks, as L turns to look at him again. "Now say whatever's on your mind and go away, please."

"You're being quite rude," L arches his brow, taking a seat on Light's bed. The latter can't help wincing when L's dirty feet come in contact with pristine clean sheets.

"I am, but what were you counting on? You can't just come over in the middle of the night and expect me to welcome you, Ryuzaki," Light says, sighing tiredly and moving his office chair closer to sit down. "So? What is it?"

"I... I came because I suddenly realized one thing," L mumbles, biting into his thumb. He pauses then, and when the pause lasts for too long, Light raises his eyebrows questioningly.

"And that thing is?" he prompts.

The buzz-induced haze in L's mind clears quite unexpectedly as he hears Light's discontented voice. The stern notes and irritated look that he also gives, do little to help L to spit out what was on his mind just a few seconds ago. He honestly wanted to tell Light about his feelings, to say many beautiful words that would reach to Light's heart. He even prepared lines that he thought he'd say, but now it feels like he just can't pluck up the courage to actually open his mouth and let the words fall from his tongue. He suddenly starts wondering how the heck did Light manage to confess his feelings for the first time, because right now it feels as if L's lips got sewed together, making it impossible for him to talk.

"Ryuzaki, you're spacing out," Light grumbles, looking at him with sharp eyes. "What so utter did you think about?"

"It's-" just as he licks his lips to utter the words, the sound of approaching steps get heard outside of Light's room. In a flash, Light hops up from his chair and just a second later he already has L's arm in a grasp, pulling him up from the bed and pushing him into the corner of the room.

Before L can voice his protests or any questions, Light opens the unobtrusive built-in closet and all but shoves the detective inside, whispering nervously:

"Sit here. Stay quiet."

"But I don't want to be in here," L protests weakly.

"You stay here until I tell you it's okay to come out," Light says, giving Ryuzaki final death glare before closing the sliding door.

"Onii-chan, I'm coming in," Sayu tells in a merry voice and opens the door. "What are you doing?"

"I'm picking my clothes for tomorrow," Light replies, turning to her with a smile. "What's the matter?"

"Fujimura-san gave us her homemade pie, so I thought I should bring you few pieces before it gets all dried up. It's really tasty," Sayu nods, holding out the dish she brought.

"Ah, thanks. I'm not hungry."

"I'll leave it here anyway, in case you'll be up for a night snack," she smiles, walking up to Light's desk and placing the dish on it. She then gives Light a little bewildered look and tilts her head to the side, saying: "Is something wrong?"

"Wrong?" Light repeats, raising his eyebrows. "No, everything's fine. Why would you say so?"

"You look... well, tense."

"Do I?"

"Yeah."

After a moment of silence, Light chuckles and makes a helpless gesture.

"Alright, you caught me. I was out for a dinner with friends tonight and had a bit too much of beer, so... you know." Light shrugs his shoulders, himself not having full understanding of what exactly he meant by the 'you know' part. Still, Sayu seems to immediately catch up with the mystery, as she nods her head with a conspiratorial look on her face.

"Gotcha," she says, walking up to the door while waving her hand carelessly. "Don't worry, I won't tell mom and dad. You can sleep tight, onii-chan."

Just as the door closes behind her back, Light turns to the closet and yanks it open, looking at Ryuzaki who seems to have almost fallen asleep.

"Get out," Light says curtly.

"Light-kun's shirts smell so nice," L mumbles, holding one of Light's shirts close to his face. "Why is that so?"

"Detergent, that's why," Light hisses, giving up after the forth attempt to pull Ryuzaki out. "Get out of my closet, will you?"

L shakes his head and buries his face in the shirt he's holding, taking a good sniff.

"It's not clean, so it's not the smell of detergent. It smells like your skin in the morning..." L mutters under his breath, his eyes half-closed while Light smacks the palm of his hand against his face.

"Stop sniffing my dirty clothes. That's creepy even for you."

"What else am I supposed to do, if you won't let me get close to you?" L says, sighing so bitterly that Light lingers his gaze on him for a second longer.

"Whatever. Tell me what brought you here and let's just be done with it."

L watches as Light marches to sit down on his chair again. Once that's done, Light crosses his legs and gives L an inquiring look.

"I fell asleep tonight," L begins, "and when I woke up, there was poesy... a few lines in my mind."

"Huh? What lines?"

Gingerly, L stands up and walks out of the closet, still clutching at Light's shirt with all his might. He slowly walks up to Light's bed to perch on it and stare at the floor while crumpling the shirt with his restless fingers.

"When we two parted," he begins in English quietly, "in silence and tears, half broken-hearted to sever the years, pale grew thy cheek and cold, colder, thy kiss; truly that hour foretold sorrow to this-" (*)

"What's this, Ryuzaki?" Light scoffs. "What does this have to do with anything?"

"You don't like the poem?.." L raises his brows, looking a little confused. "Maybe you'll like another one better? The chain I gave was fair to view-" he starts but Light interrupts him once again.

"No, Ryuzaki. What the hell are you doing, quoting me some English poetry?"

"You don't understand what I say, do you?.. Should I read haiku then?"

"To hell with haiku!" Light spats angrily, pointing his finger at L. "I'm not in the mood to deal with your antics anymore for today, Ryuzaki! If that's all you've got to say to me, I..."

"No, that's not all," L interrupts him, raising his voice a little. "I see you certainly are not in a romantic mood, so I'll get straight to the point... I have a few questions I need to ask you."

"What questions?"

"Do you mind spending time with me?"

For a second Light stares at him dumbly. Then he frowns and says:

"If you're talking about this exact moment, then yes, I do mind it. A lot."

"That's a pity... But will you agree to come with me wherever I want to take you?" L asks next.

"What kind of question is that? Just what are you getting at?"

"The thing is, I want to take you away, Light-kun," L replies calmly. "We have things we need to discuss."

"Can't we discuss this matter of yours here?"

"We could... But I don't deem such thing to bring the desired outcome. That's why I want you to come with me."

Light stays silent for a few moments, looking at Ryuzaki with a guarded look on his face.

"Why..." he begins slowly. "Why do you ask me? Do I even have the say over that? Knowing you, my opinion won't matter a thing. You'll just do as you like, as always."

"Does that bother you?" L asks, suddenly interested. "Do you think it's a drawback in my personality?"

"Of course it bothers me, Ryuzaki. Who wouldn't get bothered, if their opinion gets neglected every time?" Light sighs and waves his hand dismissively. "Never mind that, I know you won't change. What do you want to talk about anyway? What's with the secrecy?"

"I'll tell you as soon as we are away. From everyone."

"Where do you want to take me?" Light hems skeptically. "North pole? Some secluded basement? Don't tell me you're going to place me under confinement again, that would be simply unreasonable."

"I'm not going to treat you as my suspect anymore, Light-kun," L says softly, standing up from the bed and moving towards Light. He stops in front of the teen, and then gingerly places his palm on Light's cheek, caressing it. "I know the truth about you."

Light's face and eyes don't express a thing as he stares at Ryuzaki, but under his fingertips, L feels as Light's jaw tightens ever so slightly.

"I see," Light says, lowering his eyelids. His lips stretch in a gentle smile, as he forcefully brushes L's hand off his face. "It's amazing how you can appear almost completely sober, while being boozed-up. Too bad the drivel you say gives you away."

L, who has recoiled from Light's sudden move, frowns. It appears as if he wants to say something prickly and caustic, but after a moment of silence, he sighs and places his hand on Light's cheek again.

"Come with me," he says quietly.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because... you love me."

Light snickers in the most sarcastic way after these words, which causes a prickle of offense to stab L's heart. As he tries to swallow it down, Light looks up at him with spitefully squinted eyes.

"Of course. It's all about you. I have to go with you because you say I love you. Great. What I really think and feel doesn't matter, right? Let me tell you this, Ryuzaki - I might still have some feelings for you, but it's already over between us. We don't have a future."

"Why?"

"Why?" Light repeats, brushing L's hand off for the umpteenth time for the day. "Because I don't see how a relationship like this is going to work."

"But what exactly is wrong? What don't you like about it?"

"I don't like you!" Light says in an unexpectedly loud voice. "I don't like your attitude! All you do is take, and demand, and accuse, and don't give a shit about..." Light stops just as abruptly, as he began. He shakes his head dejectedly, letting out a tired sigh. "Forget it. It doesn't matter anyway."

"Light-kun... That's not true. I care about you," L says. "Although, now it appears as if it's never really mattered a thing for you."

"Think what you will. I don't give a damn anymore."

L bites at his lower lip before rapidly pouncing forward, grabbing Light by the shoulders and kissing him fully on the lips. Ignoring the protest noise from the teen, he desperately tries to mesh their lips together, but finds Light to be completely nonreciprocal.

"Kiss me," he whispers, barely distancing himself away.

When Light doesn't answer, L squints his eyes and bites at Light's lip painfully, so that blood begins to ooze out.

"Crap!" Light gives a cry, clutching at his mouth and snapping to turn his face away. As he withdraws his hand and sees blood that was left on his fingers, his eyes dart to look at L with venom obvious in the gaze. "You fucking-"

He already has his fist poised to punch Ryuzaki, when a knock on the door makes him halt.

"Light," Soichiro's concerned voice gets heard. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, father," he replies, trying to sound calm, while glaring at L with hatred. "Just bumped my toe against the bed."

"Liar..." L mouthes. After getting no response aside from an indecent gesture, he smirks.

"Light," Soichiro's voice addresses his son again.

"Yes?"

"Is there..." after a little pause, Light's father continues, "is there anyone with you?"

"He knows. Tell him the truth," L whispers, looking at Light with the same smirk.

Instead of answering, Light glares at Ryuzaki once again and stands up, seizing the detective's arm and dragging him to the balcony.

"I'm alone. My TV was on a couple of minutes ago, so maybe you overheard it," he says loudly, while trying to overcome the resisting detective and push him outside.

"Light, I'm coming in," Soichiro says, turning the door knob and a second later stepping over the threshold of the room to find his son busy closing the curtains.

"What's the matter?" Light asks, turning to face Soichiro. He watches as his father's eyes scan across his room before Soichiro's gaze comes to a stop on Light's face.

"You may find my question strange, but... By any chance, is Ryuzaki here? I'm pretty sure I heard his voice."

For a moment Light stares at his father, as if utterly surprised. Then, his face obtains a concerned expression, as he tilts his head and says:

"You've been working too hard, father. Just one day off work, and you already hear Ryuzaki's voice when he's not here?.."

Still, Soichiro doesn't appear dissuaded, looking at Light with stern, yet a little lost expression on the face.

"I visited the headquarters today. And I can assure you that now Ryuzaki is more busy with his work, than with me... He even tried to send me out when I wanted to help him. That was a little hurtful," Light gives a bitter laugh.

"Hurtful?" Soichiro echoes.

"Well, I got used to spending time with him... Aside from when we fight, he is a good company."

"I see," Light's father coughs and fixes his glasses. "I know you need a friend that can be on par with you, but in all honesty... I'm glad that you are no longer around Ryuzaki. Don't get attached to him, son."

"I understand."

"Good," Soichiro nods, seemingly ready to leave the room. At the last second he turns to face Light again. "You should go to sleep now. If you get up before me in the morning, please do wake me up as well, alright?"

"Alright. Goodnight, father."

"Goodnight."

With that, Soichiro opens the door and walks out. Letting out a relieved sigh, Light waits a couple of moments before turning around to open the balcony doors and let L back inside.

"At least you stayed quiet, thanks for that," he says, albeit his face expresses anything but gratitude. He watches L, as the other eyes him while having a playful smile on the lips. "What?"

"You think I'm a good company," L replies, moving forward and pushing his hands against Light's chest. Awkwardly stumbling backwards, Light loses his balance and a second later his back hits the mattress of the bed.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he hisses, trying to get up. Again, L's hands push him down, while the detective hops on the bed, straddling him. Looking up, Light has to hastily turn his eyes away, since the memories of L, who once was panting in ecstasy while riding him, come flushing down.

"I'm doing what I want to do," L whispers, leaning closer to Light's face until his forehead presses against Light's. "Light-kun?"

"What?" the other asks tiredly. L doesn't reply, and Light sighs yet another time.

L certainly wants the answer to the question he asked before. And it is obvious he won't let Light in peace until he gets that answer. Damn... If he refuses to come with Ryuzaki, he will never know what L wanted to talk about so urgently. If he agrees, his decision would postpone L's death. In the second case he barely loses anything, but in the first... L is not the type to fool around with such requests, so the matter must be serious. Besides, chances are good they won't even make it to wherever L wants to take him - tomorrow L is supposed to die. Light has nothing at risk.

He nudges Ryuzaki a little, so that he can at least look L in the eyes. "You still insist on taking me god knows where?"

"Yes."

"Can it wait?"

"No."

"Ugh... At least say where exactly you plan to go."

"Rebun-cho. I already have everything prepared for us there."

"Whe-?!" Light almost yelps, but L quickly leans down to silence him with a kiss. When Ryuzaki's lips cover his own, Light tenses, but to his surprise the kiss is just as gentle as it has always been. L's lips are still soft and willing, and the weight of L's body on him, too, feels welcomed and missed. Instinctively, Light's arms come around Ryuzaki, pressing him closer as Light kisses him back.

A few seconds later, when Light's mind catches up with his actions, he turns his face away, and L's lips leave a wet trail on his cheek. For a minute both of them keep their silence until Light decides to break it.

"Rebun, you say. It's very far..." he muses quietly. "Why there?"

"It's a perfect place. Quite a few people, especially after the end of the tourist season. No one knows us there. No one to interrupt us."

"You could have just rented an apartment in the outskirts of Tokyo."

"I feel adventurous as of lately."

"I see... How long are we going to stay there?"

"That depends on quite a few factors," L confesses reluctantly. "In any case, I don't plan on staying there for longer than a month."

"A whole mo-?!" yet again Light almost cries out, but gets interrupted with L's palm over his mouth.

"Please be quiet, Light-kun. We don't want your relatives busting your room again. I'm going to let go of you now, if you promise to be reasonable."

Light nods and L withdraws his hand, looking down at Light with a gaze that seems unfamiliar and thus a little frightening. A trace of emotion, pure and strong, is so evident in his eyes that it makes Light stare for a couple of moments before saying:

"How are you going to explain my absence to my family?"

"I'm not doing that."

"I can't just leave them," Light frowns. "Besides, I have to tell Misa about my departure."

"I'm certain you are capable of conjuring up a believable excuse, so do that. Right now. Then pack your things and we'll get going," L says, getting up from Light to perch on the mattress' edge.

"So soon?" Light asks, giving Ryuzaki a shocked look. "I thought you'd give me a couple of days."

"I'm sorry, Light-kun. I don't think we have that much time," L mutters, tilting his head to the side.

"Damn... Give me an hour, alright?"

L nods, and Light stands up from the bed, his fist squeezing the pice of paper with L's name in the pocket of his pajama pants.

"Light-kun," L suddenly says.

"Yes?"

"Can I eat that pie that your sister brought you? It looks tasty."

 

* * *

 

Under the screen of night two figures sneak out of the Yagami family house. A black car awaits for them right around the corner of the street, and soon both of the shadowy silhouettes disappear inside the vehicle.

 

* * *

 

In the semi-darkness of a modern looking bedroom, a blonde girl wipes her tears while reading a message on her phone. She reaches out to her bag and starts frantically rummaging inside, while a shinigami cackles while watching her antics.

"What did Light do to make you so sad?" Ryuk asks, leering.

"He said he has to leave the city," Misa sniffs, turning her head to look at the death god. "He didn't explain anything, so I figured he was being watched. The only thing he said to me, was to lie to his family and tell them he lives with me now."

"Oh really?"

Misa nods, clutching at her bag and flinging it upside down, so that all of its contents fall on the floor. Stumbling on her knees, Misa starts rummaging around desperately.

"What are you doing?" Ryuk asks, appearing interested.

"I'm looking for the piece of paper I wrote L's name on. If he dies, Light will be safe."

Ryuk starts laughing, his head thrown back.

"You forgot? You gave it to Light!" he cries out enthusiastically.

Misa freezes on spot and suddenly lets out a whine, full of remorse.

"There, there," Ryuk coos, descending from the ceiling to pat at the blonde girl's head. His gesture is shown to be a joke when he starts cackling again.

"I can't recall his name, Ryuk..." Misa whispers. "L... Lawson? Lovelight?.. Lolit?"

Ryuk doubles over with laughter.

"Try all of them," he suggests slyly.

"Hm... That might be a good idea!" she balls her fists, as if suddenly energized.

Hearing that, Ryuk stiffens in astonishment before the predatory leer on his face grows wider.

"Don't forget to tell Light what you've done after you finish the job," the shinigami says before taking off through the ceiling and leaving Misa to listen to his muffled laughter.

 

* * *

 

In Light's room lays a short note, written in a neat handwriting on a plain sheet of paper. It reads following: 'Father and mother, seeing that it's late in the night and I don't want to wake both of you up, I've decided to leave you a note. My girlfriend, Misa, has become a victim of a stalker. She is very scared and asked me to stay with her for the time being. Don't worry about me, I'm going to be alright. If anything happens, I'll be in touch. Light."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*) - the poem 'When we two parted' by Lord Byron.


	6. Rebun-cho

Before leaving the house L told Light to take only necessities – personal belongings and clothes, both of which fitted into two small travel bags. Now these bags lay above Light's head, in a storing department of the sleeping car L and he have occupied. That was another surprise for Light – L's decision to take a train instead of a plane.

Light takes an asquint glance at the detective, who has peacefully drifted off to sleep once the train set out – must be the booze finally catching up to him. While listening to L's snoring, Light shifts on his seat, letting his head rest on a bent elbow as he turns to watch the glimpses of the dark shadows of forests and valleys, interspersing with patches of bright lights outside the window. He knows he should feel worried about what awaits for him at the distant and unknown island of Rebun, about what L has to tell him, about his own sanity – since the idea of dumping everything half-way for the sake of running away with Ryuzaki sounds crazy enough. He knows he should at least become apprehensive of all the reasons there are, but... there's not even a trace of fear or worry in his heart. All Light feels is some strange kind of excitement, as if he were heading to some sunny island for summer vacation, instead of gloomy Rebun in early November. That weird feeling keeps him awake till late in the morning, which comes when the train arrives to Sapporo, where both of the boys change the line in order to get to Wakkanai – the northernmost city in Hokkaido. From what Light learns from the information desk at the train station, it is going to take five hours by train to just get to Wakkanai, and only then will they finally go to Rebun by sea.

When Light exchanges worn out looks with L, the detective shrugs his shoulders and tries to hide a yawn, looking gloomier than ever.

"I bet you're regretting your decision," Light says, as they place their bags into storing department in the car of the train that's supposed to take them to Hokkaido. "We've already spent 10 hours sitting in the train."

"Then the following five hours should be easy to tolerate," L cuts short, hopping onto one of the couches, where he curls up. "I feel sick," he mumbles, "Don't talk to me."

"No wonder, you got shit-faced last night."

L doesn't reply, but raises his head up to shoot Light a warning glare before curling into a ball again.

"Whatever," Light sighs. "Try falling asleep, that should help."

The train sets out and Light slops on his couch, ready to watch the landscape outside the window, which soon proves to be markedly different from that of Japan, where Light has lived from very birth. Almost bewitched by the wild beauty and originality of nature, Light watches the scenery, when L shifts and raises his head to look at Light with groggy eyes.

"Yagami-kun should rest as well," he says, stifling another yawn, which, as Light suspects, was provoked more by nausea than sleepiness.

"I'm fine," is Light's curt reply. Nevertheless, he falls asleep ten minutes after his stoic reply – the impact of the last hectic days' fatigue, nervous stress, and previous nights that he spent almost sleepless.

 

* * *

 

"Light-kun, wake up," L whispers and nudges the teen's shoulder. He then watches as Light frowns, with his eyes still closed, and mutters something unintelligible.

"Give me five more minutes, okay?" Light mumbles, suddenly pulling L closer and burying his face in the crook of L's neck.

"The train has arrived. We must get off," the detective says, poking at Light's shoulder again.

"The train?"

Light cracks his eyes open and tries to focus his gaze on L's face which is frighteningly close to his own. Slowly, the happenings of the last night resurface from the groggy fog, and soon he pushes L away.

"What are you doing on my couch?" he asks, eyeing the detective suspiciously.

"I couldn't fall asleep on my own," L blinks, trying to appear innocent.

"Did ridding me off space help you?"

"It did."

"Good for you," Light grumbles, sitting up and shaking his head, as if trying to throw off the remainders of drowsiness.

"You say it as though I did something bad," L remarks, watching as the teen gets up to take their bags from the storing compartment. "But you didn't mind it back then. You grabbed onto me as soon as I laid down with you."

"That means nothing, Ryuzaki," Light says, eyeing the detective with discontent. He then throws L's bag at him and turns to the door. "Come on, let's leave. The sooner we get to a hotel, the better."

"Good thing it's sunny," Light says, wrapping himself up in a coat. "If it were raining, we'd turn into icicles before we got across the sea."

"I might turn into one right now," L stutters, shivering.

It's the middle of afternoon. They are standing at the moorage, waiting for a ferry to pick them up and finally get them to the island of Rebun. The sun shines highly above their heads but the wind that blows from the sea is freezing cold, and each gust makes L tremble and hug himself to save up at least some of the warmth. Light, who'd providently took two coats with him, lent L one as soon as they got off the train, but it did little to help the detective cope with the stern weather conditions.

"God dammit, Ryuzaki. It was your idea to come here at the first place. Why didn't you take something warm to wear?" Light frowns, turning to the said detective. Another fresh and cold gust of sea breeze tosses up L's hair, and then throws it back, as if playing with the thick strands. Along with that, the wind pulls at the collar of L's coat, revealing to Light's eyes the beautiful long clavicles and flexible, elegant, downright swan neck that Ryuzaki has. Light swallows hard as he gawks, admiring the physical beauty that still bears the pledges of his touch. Luckily for him, L pays no heed to the alarming and unambiguous stare, being busy with shaking from cold.

Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, Light quickly looks around – there are no people on the moorage, aside from an old couple that stands far from them, watching the sea.

"Alright, come here," Light says, trying to sound displeased as he pulls L in his arms and holds him close. "Can't take your shivering anymore."

L, who at first got taken aback with such sudden gesture, hides his smile before snuggling closer and looking up at Light's face with round eyes.

"Are you going to kiss me now?"

"If you won't stop being ridiculous, I will punch you, that's for sure."

"So you say," L smirks before quickly stealing a kiss from Light's lips.

"What the hell are you doing?" Light hisses.

"I'm doing what you're scared to do."

"That's really presumptuous."

"You've got the goosebumps on your neck. You liked that," L murmurs, pressing even closer and resting his head on Light's shoulder.

"It's the cold," Light frowns, trying to gently push L away.

"No, it's not. You only get goosebumps when I kiss you..." Ryuzaki whispers, raising his head to say the next words into Light's ear. "Your kiss does the same to me. Kiss me."

"Stop it."

For a second L freezes and then frees himself from Light's arms, meeting no resistance. The sullen look on Light's face makes him linger his gaze – he suddenly finds that he thinks Light looks beautiful like this: standing at a moorage in a gloomy weather, the sea rippling black waves behind his back, his hair disheveled and toyed with by a wind, a crevice of discontent between his eyebrows, slight traces of fatigue on his face, and his squinted eyes, the color of which has been bleached to a pale, almost tea-with-milk kind of brown by the gray light of the sun. He's never seen Light looking like this before, and for some reason this thought makes L's heart squeeze with pain. Just how many sides of Light he still is not aware of?

"I'm happy you agreed to follow me," he says, still admiring the new side of the teen that opened up to him so suddenly.

"As if I ever had a choice," Light jeers, scoffing. He then shakes his head and turns to look at the sea. "Finally, the ferry is coming. Come on, grab your bags."

 

* * *

 

It takes them forty five minutes to get across the sea to the island of Rebun. It takes twenty more minutes for them to consult the GPS and rent two bikes to ride the road to some unpretentious, four storey tall kind of apartment building that looks as gray as the sky above their heads.

"Are you sure this is the right address?" Light asks, throwing his head back to take a good look at the only apartment complexes there is. "We skipped two hotels just few feet away."

He then turns to L to point at the single tall building for many miles around – a dark grey construction with the "Hotel Rebun" sign on it.

"No, I'm pretty sure we got to our destination point," L objects calmly, fixing the strap of his bag on shoulder. "I never booked a room in a hotel."

"Come again?" Light blinks, following Ryuzaki's steps, who already stands on the porch of the apartment complex. He dumbly watches as Ryuzaki lifts up and puts back down pots with flowers, as if looking for something. Shaking his head, Light turns to take another look at the town, namely to see what occupies the opposite side of the road: small buildings and dwelling houses that stretch along the rather narrow main street. One of those buildings is a dinner, another is a small general store, a few feet away from it stands a bar, beside it a post office, further down is another small hotel, which Light didn't even notice from the first sight. Similar small buildings stretch along the road that recedes into the distance. Above the roofs loom green hills that face the endless ocean across.

"Ryuzaki..." Light whispers, staring at the bar establishment in what seems to be a cultural shock. "This is... Just look at it."

He points to the bar's sign, which has drawn his attention due to the big, hideous, bleached orange, evidently old figurines of a crab and an octopus on it. Below the figurines is a new, flashy, rainbow colored signboard with the bar's name on it.

"Dream," Light reads out loud the name of the bar. "Sure."

"Don't judge, Light-kun. You can't expect Tokyo level from a small town."

"I guess so," Light mumbles and turns to look at L. "What are you doing anyway?"

"I'm looking for the apartment's key," L says, squatting to take a look under one of the floor mats. "Watari said the landlord would leave it under one of the flower pots."

"Just great," Light sighs, throwing his bags on the ground and slumping his back against the wall. "You payed them ahead, didn't you?"

"Yes..." L mutters, looking at Light with wide eyes.

"Well, they obviously swindled you. Just took your money and never left the key."

"That would be very unfortunate, if that's the case."

"It is the case," Light huffs, crossing his arms on his chest. "Let's go to a hotel. I want to take a shower."

"Hey! You must be the new guys here!" someone's cheerful voice calls out, and both Light and L turn to look at the intruder.

A young, tall and rather handsome guy in a flannel shirt and plain blue jeans hurries up to them from across the road. He waves his hand and smiles broadly. A few seconds later he stoops on the porch and once again gives a winning smile while bowing.

"I would have never thought you were that young! I've been watching you since you arrived, but the grandma told me an old couple should come, so I didn't rush to you immediately," the guy says, shaking hands first with Light, and then with L.

"Excuse me, but who are you?" Light interrupts, giving a sweet smile to the stranger, while studying his appearance: curly dark hair, light skin tone, rather big, black, naive eyes, and full lips that are currently stretched in a smile. Nothing suspicious at the first glance.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself: Yasuhiro Masaki, at your service!" the guy reports and lingers his gaze on Light. "Holy shit, don't tell me you're from Tokyo!"

Light shrugs and nods, exchanging glances with Ryuzaki.

"I just knew that! You have that accent, you know, the capital people have. Been to Tokyo just once but I remembered the way your folks talk!" Masaki keeps blabbing while feeling his pockets for something.

"You saw through him right away," L smiles slyly, addressing the strange guy. "Nice deductive skills."

"Haha, thanks!" the guy laughs, opening the entrance door while fishing out a key from his pocket. "Come on, follow me. I'll show you to your rooms. Man, this is so cool! It's been forever since young people came here. By the way, I live next door to your apartment, so we are neighbors!"

"That's great," Light says without any enthusiasm.

"You can call me anytime you need something," Masaki continues, leading the boys to the third floor. "I will gladly help you. What did you two forget here anyway? Came for camping? Mountains climbing? Or just wanted to enjoy the quietness? I'm sick of this calmness, I'm a local, you see, I was born here. It's so damn boring in Rebun, especially during winter. Summer is rather nice, we get crowds of tourists, even festivals with fireworks, amusement parks and all that shit. The chicks, that come here at summer, are just yum! Dudes, you missed all the fun. But local damsels are pretty good too, so maybe you'll hook up with some... Hey, what's wrong? Why are you making such faces? You gay or what? That's cool anyway, I fuck both."

He stops at the closed door of an apartment and raises his eyes to look at the boys.

"I think we'll make great friends," he says, smiling.

Both Light and L, who still haven't got over the shock of the newfound friend's scandalous honesty, just stare at Masaki, who soon giggles and slaps L on the shoulder.

"I was joking, geez! Relax, will you? We had to start our acquaintance someway, so how's my topic worse than any other?"

"Yes, sure," Light replies, giving a polite cough. "Could you give us the keys, perhaps?"

"Yeah, here you go," Masaki drawls, dropping the keys on Light's outstretched hand. Clutching them in his fist, Light hands the keys to Ryuzaki. "Well... Welcome to Rebun! Enjoy your stay, or whatever you say in Tokyo."

"Thank you," Light gives yet another sweet smile, waving the new friend goodbye.

"Yeah, see you," the guy nods, turning his back to the boys and starting to walk away. While L is busy opening the door, Light takes a surreptitious glance at Masaki just in time to see him turning his head to take a curious glance at the detective, who already opened the lock and turned to Light with a smile on his face. Noticing Light's gaze, Masaki waves his hand and scurries down the stairs without saying a word.

"Is something wrong, Light-kun?" L's soft voice inquires behind Light's back.

"No," the teen shakes his head before turning to face L. "It's all fine. Now, where is the bathroom?"

 

* * *

 

L sits on an old bed, which squeaks every time he makes the smallest of movements, listening to the muffled roar of water coming from the next room. He frowns and turns his head to look out of a single but rather big window beside a balcony door – a gloomy view of dark sea and grey sky greets his eyes. He stares at the scenery for a couple of moments before averting his gaze to take a closer look at the apartment he and Light will be staying in for some indefinite period of time.

Aside from a tiny kitchen and a bathroom, there is only one room more, which is supposed to serve as a living, a dinning and a bedroom simultaneously. The room itself is very small - L took time to measure it in steps and turned out the room was 6 steps in width and 8 steps in length. An old queen size bed with a white quilted cover takes most of the room's space, proudly standing in its very center. Beside it take their places a sofa and a small table, that functions both as a dinning one and as a night stand. A single chair along with a desk huddle in one of the corners. A seemingly new shelf has an obsolete TV set lifted up on it, and turned the way the people on the sofa can watch it. The rest of the room's space is taken by a closet, a heater, and a coffee table with a microwave on top of it. The dust-pink colored walls would almost look bare, if not for a mirror and a single photograph of the mount Fuji that hangs above the TV. Despite every little thing in the apartment being clean, it still gives out the air of something abandoned and forgotten, which makes it a little unsettling to be inside...

L tilts his head, shifting his gaze to Light's travel bags that lay on the bed beside him, one of them being unzipped as Light took his bathroom utensils out. For a second L gazes at it before curiously peeking inside and studying the contents: there, neatly packed, lay what appears to be Light's underwear, his socks, a towel, a pajama set, and a few sweaters. As L contemplates whether he should examine everything more closely, the roar of water stops and Light calls out from the bathroom:

"Ryuzaki! I forgot to snatch my towel. Bring it to me, okay? It's in one of my bags."

Smirking, L grabs the towel, lazily shuffling to the bathroom door while saying:

"Why? You can walk around naked. It's not like I haven't seen everything you've got to offer already."

The bathroom door opens and Light peeks out, glaring at L.

"There is only one towel here. Obviously, it's for drying your hands, but if you so wish, I will dry something else with it."

"That is disturbing," L says, trying to hide his smile.

"Give me the towel."

"No," L takes a step back before Light has a chance to snatch the towel out of his hands.

"Ryuzaki," Light hisses with warning notes in his voice.

"What will I get for bringing you the towel?" L asks, moving his hands behind his back and taking a few steps towards Light before he comes face to face with the teen.

"You really want a reward for that? Are you that petty?"

"Petty? You're being very ungrateful, Light-kun."

For a second they stare at each other before Light shakes his head, as if defeated.

"You know what? I'm not going to chase you around naked, that would be just pathetic."

"Rational thinking."

"What do you want for bringing the towel?"

"For starters a kiss sounds like a fair enough award for my endeavors," L smiles as he lowers his gaze from Light's eyes to his lips.

"You're messed up, you know that?"

Light's words sound unexpectedly serious and hurtful. He looks at L with a disgusted expression on his face, and by the tone of his voice it becomes obvious he's not joking.

"Whatever. Come here," he then says, rolling his eyes as if being sick and tired of having the detective around. "Let's just end this already, I'm getting cold."

For a moment L stares at him and then throws the towel in Light's face. He rapidly walks away right after, and plops down on the bed that immediately emits a pitiful squeak. A few seconds later Light walks into the room, looking at L with the same 'up to here' expression on his face.

"What now?" he asks, putting hands on hips. He waits for L's reply but when a minute passes and none comes, Light mutters something unintelligible and walks to the bed, reaching for his bag.

"Why?" L finally asks.

"Why what?" Light echoes without sparing a glance at the detective.

"Why do you act like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like this!" L turns to give Light an angry glare.

"I don't understand what you're talking about," the teen shrugs, taking a seat on the other side of the bed and starting to dress up.

"You do realize there are no cameras here? No one is watching us. No one hears us. Everything that happens, stays between you and I."

"So what?"

L stares at the teen at loss, while Light stands up and takes the towel off to put on his jeans. Honestly, so far L has been having the worst day in many years. Not only he still feels sick from the last night's booze, he also managed to get blisters on his feet from walking too long in shoes. The apartment, too, has added to L's foul mood as it didn't live up to his expectations even though Watari assured him it was better than any hotel in Rebun. Plus, L still feels groggy and reeled from the long journey on train, and to top that off, Light acts like a spoiled, mindless child. For some reason, in L's imagination their time on Rebun should have started with a passionate kiss as soon as the door clicked closed behind their backs. Then Light should have dragged him to bed and should have started making love to him while whispering variations of 'I love you' into his ear, thus giving L a perfect opportunity to confess his own feelings towards the boy. That's how it was supposed to be.

Meanwhile, Light, done with dressing up, puts his cell phone in the pocket of his jeans and walks to a wardrobe.

"You have any cash on hands?" he asks L, while putting on his coat.

"I do. Where are you going?"

"We need to buy some food. Have you checked the fridge? I'm pretty sure it's empty," Light says, finally turning around to look at Ryuzaki.

"I'm not hungry..."

"Well, I am. It's almost been twenty four hours since the last time I had a meal."

"Let's order some food then?"

"You seriously think there's delivery service in here?" Light arches brow while crossing arms on his chest. "Ryuzaki, this is but a tiny village. If you wanted a place with all conveniences, you'd better let us stay in Wakkanai. Or Tokyo for that matter."

"What about going to a cafe?"

"Have you seen one out there?"

"Well, there's a hotel nearby, it should have a restaurant of some sort," L mumbles, lowering his eyes. "Surely, we can eat there? Besides, I do believe we can find few more cafes if we search around..."

"What was the point in renting an apartment then?" Light asks, keeping his gaze locked on L.

"I thought it would be nice to live together like this..." L almost whispers.

"Honestly, Ryuzaki, sometimes I just can't understand the way your mind works," Light sighs. "Anyway, are you coming with me?"

"I don't want to go out. It's cold outside, and my feet hurt. Can't it wait until tomorrow?"

"Are you serious? Were you even listening to me? I told you that I'm hungry!"

"And I told you it hurts me to walk right now."

"So what? Should I starve until your sore is gone?"

Both of them glare at each other before L grabs his bag and rummages around it in search of his wallet. Once he finds it, he sends it flying in Light's face and gets a little disappointed when Light catches it.

"Thanks," the teen says curtly, turning his back to the detective. L feels a strange desire to throw something heavy at him, something, that Light won't catch. Still, he stays unmoving, listening to the sounds of Light putting on his shoes and then opening and closing the front door. Then comes the silence, that brings bitter resentment, which twists L's stomach with its cold hands, and almost makes him run after Light. Almost.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Light closes the door, he leans on it from the other side, and closes his eyes for half a second. Playing dumb doesn't work with L, not that Light ever expected the detective to believe his suddens cluelessness about erotic connotations. But playing a fool is for the best. L should understand that whatever they had going on between them is over. That's the sole reason they came here for – to put an end to this horror of relationship and fix the blurred lines. That shouldn't take too long. Three days of harsh words and disregarding attitude should be enough for L to understand Light is not in the mood to play this game anymore. And then... L will break.

Letting out an inaudible sigh, Light opens his eyes and barely stops himself from shrieking – right in front of his eyes, looms the gray face of Rem. Her eyes, yellow and void of emotions, stare at him unblinkingly.

"What are you doing here?" Light mouthes, feeling as his heart starts beating rapidly against the ribcage after it has recovered from the sudden dread.

"I must follow the owner of the death note," Rem states, boring into Light with her stare. She watches as the teen fixes the collar of his coat, and noiselessly spreads her wings to follow Light who's started downstairs. "What are you doing here, Yagami Light? This is not a part of your plan."

"I have everything under control, Rem. Misa is safe right now, isn't she?"

"For now, yes. But that doesn't mean it will forever stay this way. As long as your enemy lives, she is in danger."

"I know," Light mouthes, squinting his eyes at the death god. "And I will protect her. Give me a little time. Actually, you being here puts her in danger. If L notices you, it won't take him long to realize the real reason behind you trailing along with us."

"I have to know what you have in mind before I can leave you," Rem hovers behind Light's back as the teen stops near the closed entrance door.

"Trust me, Rem. L is doomed."

"So you say, but you do nothing to prove that. Weren't you the one who stopped me, when I wanted to kill both L and his helper?"

"L can't die without anyone to witness it. I want the task-force to think both Misa and I are innocent."

"Yet you came here alone," Rem says, leaning closer to Light's ear.

"That is something I am not going to discuss," Light replies, turning to look at the shinigami. "L can't do anything here and now, and that's all you need to know. You have to go back to the headquarters before anyone notices your absence."

Rem gives him a long look and finally withdraws herself.

"I will do as you say," she says. "Still, I am going to watching you."

"As you wish," Light shrugs, opening the entrance door and walking out of the building, while the shinigami flaps her wings and takes off behind his back.

 

* * *

 

As soon as the sounds of Light descending the stairs become mute, L frowns and flops down on the bed, burying his face in a pillow. How come he let the situation become like this? What in the world is going on, if L willingly puts the lid on his pride by begging for a kiss? Obviously, Light is quite adamant on maintaining the distance, but surely they can sort it out... He has to at least try openly talking to Light about the matter. He has to make Light feel safe and confess in his crimes. But in order to do that, he has to let Light know just how much he is loved and cherished, which leads L to another problem, namely his inability to show the emotions he feels. So, he is somehow supposed to say 'I love you' in a voice, filled with all the tender feelings, and make it believable. No amount of alcohol would ever help him do that, moreover, he must stay completely sober while talking to Light, otherwise Light would again chalk it up to L being drunk. Oh god.

L lets out a strangled moan, that gets muffled and lost in a pillow, and lets his body sink deeper into the mattress. When he was a child, he wanted to find a person who he could live with, but eventually found the one he can't live without. And where is justice in all of this?

He doesn't notice when the sleep takes over, lulling him away from troubled thoughts and hurting body. It seems like only ten minutes of his blissful oblivion have passed, when a knock on the door startles L back awake. Feeling groggy, L raises his head from a pillow and strains his hearing.

"Light-kun?" he asks in a quiet and uncertain voice. Half a minute passes and no reply or another knock follows. L shakes his head and face-plants the pillow, deciding his ears were playing tricks on him, and just as he does it, the front door gets pounded on again.

"Are you two there?" someone's cheerful voice inquires from the outside. "It's Yasuhiro Masaki, your neighbor!"

Blinking a couple of times, L decides to ignore the intruder. He doesn't want to go through a conversation that would surely be awkward and pointless, besides, Light took the keys with him, so there's no way L can let the guy in, even if he wants to. What L doesn't expect, is for Yasuhiro to pull the handle of the door and open it, walking inside next moment.

"Pardon the intrusion," the guy mumbles from the hallway, and L jumps on the bed. How could Light leave the door open?! Standing up, L lets out a noiseless exasperated sigh and trudges into the hallway to greet the guest.

"Oh, hi again," Masaki smiles as soon as he sees the gloomy face of the detective. "Sorry for barging in, the door wasn't closed and I didn't really expect it to open. Did I disturb you?"

"I was sleeping. Didn't hear you knocking," L says, staring at the guy with a bored expression on his face.

"Sorry..."

"Did you want something?"

"I was wondering if you guys have any tofu. I was going to make myself a miso soup or something, but my fridge is empty and I feel too lazy to walk all the way to the store," Yasuhiro gives a shy laugh.

"We just moved in," L raises his eyebrows. "Our fridge is more bare than yours."

"Shit, didn't think about that," the curly haired guy mumbles, scratching the back of his head. "I just got so excited that this apartment is taken again. You know, I used to drop by almost every day when the previous lessees lived here. Been almost five months since they left the place."

L nods and scratches his nose, cursing Light in his thoughts. It's because of him L is now stuck listening to the story he can't care less about.

"You're not very talkative, are you?" the guy suddenly asks.

"Not when the topic bores me, no."

"Wow, harsh."

L shrugs. Yasuhiro eyes him for a second before saying:

"I don't even know your name."

"It's Ryuga."

"What about the last name?"

"Hideki."

"Are you shitting me?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Ryuga Hideki, it's the name of an idol, duh," Yasuhiro rolls his eyes.

"Yes, I'm aware of that. So happens we share the same name."

"Shut up! That's awesome! I can tell everyone that I met Ryuga Hideki and I won't even be lying!"

Grinning, Yasuhiro takes a step forward and outstretches his hand.

"Hideki-kun, then, huh? Well, nice to meet you."

For a second L stares at the hand before squeezing it once gingerly.

"Where is that other guy, the grumpy one?" Masaki asks, trying to take a peek into the room. "I don't know his name yet."

"He's out."

"Was in a mood for a walk, eh?"

"I guess."

"Anyway, how was the trip here?" Yasuhiro asks, looking at L with a broad smile. "Man, if I lived in Tokyo, I'd never leave that place, even if I would have to spend the nights under a bridge. Some crappy time for vacation here you chose."

"We are not on vacation," L remarks.

"If not vacation, then what? Who sent you into exile here anyway? For what faults?"

"It was my own decision. I thought Rebun was a good place to solve some problems, that's all."

"Oh, so you're one of those who come here to meditate and all that shit?"

"Sort of."

"I feel you," Masaki nods thoughtfully. "Had to go through a tough break-up, didn't you? So you decided to run away from your problems to this god forgotten bumhole of a town. Too bad you can't run from yourself, man. Are you sure you'll be able to forget the girl?"

L bites his tongue in time so as not to voice out 'which girl'. For a second he stares at the cheerful guy, and then puts an aggravated expression on his face.

"You saw right through me, man," he says with mocking notes in his voice, albeit slight enough for Masaki to ignore them. "Not sure if I'll ever forget her, but that's what I came here for."

"Well, sitting in this room, wallowing in your misery and spilling your guts to that snobbish friend of yours is barely going to help ya."

"And what do you think will help me?"

"You know what... I'm having a show tonight at the bar across the street. Come and see me perform, then we'll get ourselves some booze and sort it all out."

"Are you a comedian?" L asks, suddenly interested.

"Nope, I'm a guitarist and a signer. I write my songs and perform them on stage at that bar two times per week," Masaki eagerly confesses.

"Two times per week? Does it make enough for living?"

"Nah, I don't even get money for that, my payment usually consists of a free dinner and a glass of beer. That's why I have a part-time job in a bakery, and work as a gardener, or a cleaner, or an errand boy when the opportunity allows. I also fish on the weekends and sell my catch to one of the cafes here."

"Sounds pretty tough."

"It ain't. Everyone here has a story similar to mine. Life is not all about getting depressed over some hoe, ya see," Yasuhiro shrugs and gives L a disarming smile. "Some of us have to struggle to pay the bills and help our parents."

"I see..." L mumbles.

"Well, anyways, gotta go. Seems I have to buy some groceries, so... yeah," Masaki's eyes linger on L's face, as he curiously studies the detective's appearance. "Don't forget to come and see me tonight, kay?"

"That depends on whether I'll be able to."

"I bet you will, you have nothing else to do here, right? You'll die of boredom if you keep sitting in these four walls," Masaki rolls his eyes up, and then shakes his head before making a step back to the front door. "I'll be looking out for ya. You can bring your friend along, if that's what bothers you."

"Sure, I'll tell him."

Masaki nods once again and wraps his hand around the front door's knob. Before pulling it, he turns to L and says:

"It's okay if you keep the front door open. We don't have thieves around here."

"Really glad to hear that," L replies, inwardly wondering over the fact he didn't even have to act against his conscience when saying the words.

"No rapists either," Masaki adds, once again locking eyes with L.

"What a pity. And here I was hoping to get some," L murmurs without a trace of emotion on his face.

For a second the blabbing neighbor stares at L before stretching his lips in a broad smile.

"You're one hell of a weird guy."

When L doesn't answer and continues to mutely stare at the guest, Masaki smirks and waves him goodbye, finally closing the door from the other side.

 


	7. Noise

When Light comes back an hour later after L's conversation with Masaki, he has in three stuffed shopping bags in each hand, and a rather peeved expression on his face. Hearing the door opening and the teen huffing, L hops off the bed and rushes into the hallway.

"Welcome back," he says, observing as Light struggles to squeeze through the door frame with all the bags. "Do you need help?"

Light frowns and doesn't answer, awkwardly taking off his shoes with his feet and then stumbling past L into the room.

"Take these to kitchen," he says, outstretching his hand with three of the bags to L. "That's food."

For a moment L thinks of ignoring Light's demand but eventually takes the groceries and obediently delivers them to the destination point.

"What's in the other three bags?" he asks, while placing the stuff onto one of the counters.

"Two pair of slippers. Two more towels. Shaving foam. Tooth paste. Razors. Soap," Light lists while taking all said things out of the bags. "Shampoo. Shower gel. Toilet paper. Some meds."

"You sure took your shopping tour seriously," L mumbles, coming up to the bed and snatching the shower gel to take a closer look. "We're not going to stay here for months."

"That doesn't mean we won't need these. Hey," Light says, straightening his back as he pulls out a few left items. "Try these on."

"What's that?" L squints his eyes at something indistinct in Light's hand.

"Two sweaters for you. I bought one for myself as well, see? The lady in the shop told me it's going to get very cold soon, so I also got some woolen socks and beanies for you and for me. I wasn't sure about your size, so if the sweaters won't fit you, I can change them. I also wanted to buy you boots, but, as I said, I have no idea about your size."

"That is very..." L starts, unwrapping one of the sweaters and staring at it. "...very sweet of you."

"Try it on?"

"Yes, sure..." L mumbles, starting to pull the soft, cashmere sweater over his head. "But, Light-kun, why does your sweater have this nice dark blue color while mine has reindeer ornament all over it?"

"You have a problem with that?"

"I think it looks..." L turns to take a glance at himself in the mirror. "It looks a bit ridiculous on me, won't you agree?"

"No. It's not about the looks anyway. It's warm, it fits you just fine, and it's all I care about," Light grumbles, handing the second sweater to L. "Try on this one as well, Ryuzaki. It has no ornament."

"But it's yellow."

"Yes, so?"

"Wasn't there a white one at least?" L sighs, taking off the reindeer sweater and putting on yellow one.

"There was. But it was the size XXL and I don't think that would fit you, eh?"

"I look like a chicken..." L mumbles, not listening to Light's explanations.

Light watches as Ryuzaki turns this and that way, worriedly staring at himself in the mirror. The image of L in a ridiculous, fluffy, yellow sweater, whirling in front of a mirror and fussing over the way he looks, makes Light utter a short but loud chuckle, which he couldn't hold in and wasn't expecting at all. As soon as L hears that, he turns to look at Light with accusing eyes.

"You bought this sweater on purpose, didn't you?" he asks. "To make fun of me."

"Of course not, Ryuzaki," Light says, trying to sound placating and not to giggle at the angry detective.

"Then why did you get yourself a nice looking sweater while making me wear these ridiculous clothes?" L deadpans, pointing at the package with Light's sweater on the bed.

"I keep telling you, there wasn't much choice. These two, as you say, ridiculous sweaters were the only decent looking ones!"

"Let me try on yours."

"Why?"

"We are the same size, aren't we?" L huffs, snatching Light's sweater. "This one should fit me fine as well."

"We are not the same size. Mine is going to be big for you."

"We'll see about that."

A few seconds later L has to reluctantly agree with Light's words – his sweater is indeed too big for the detective. Not only it sits pretty loosely, letting in all the air, but the sleeves also hang past his fingers due to L's shoulders being too narrow for the cut.

"This is a joke," L grumbles, dolefully examining the way Light's sweater hangs on him. "I was pretty sure we were the same size. Doesn't it sit like this on you as well?"

"Actually, I was planning to wear it with a button-up underneath," Light gives a cough. "But that doesn't change anything. Don't you see I have broader shoulders?"

He comes up to stand beside L and takes a look in the mirror. In the reflection, L raises his eyes to stare first at Light's shoulders, then at his own. He repeats the action a few times and frowns.

"How did that happen?" he finally asks with curious notes lacing his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"I've always looked more masculine than you, haven't I?" L intones, turning round eyes at Light. The other blinks a couple of times, trying to think of an appropriate response, but before he even says a word, Ryuzaki continues: "Now it seems as though Light-kun's body changed a little."

"Nonsense," Light finally forces out. "My body didn't change."

"It did. There is no other way to explain this sudden expansion of your shoulders."

"Don't be ridiculous. I've always looked this way. And you've always been petite."

"Petite?" L echoes, pressing his thumb to his lips while staring at Light with all eyes.

Instead of answering, Light takes Ryuzaki's hand and puts his palm against the detective's. Surprised, L looks at Light's palm that turned out to be bigger than his own, and Light's fingers that also look longer than his.

"Don't tell me it's a discovery for you, Ryuzaki. Have you even seen yourself naked? You've got a small frame."

"That is quite peculiar. I'm older than you, shouldn't I be bigger?"

"Why should you? It's not like we're thirty years apart, and the built barely has something to do with the age," Light rolls up his eyes. "How old are you anyway? Twenty?"

"Twenty five," L mutters quietly. Never before has Light asked L anything concerning the detective's age, and for some very weird reason now L feels very conscious about the gap between them.

"I see," Light says after a short pause. "You look younger."

"Do you think my age is a problem?" L asks, still feeling uneasy.

"A problem for what?"

"For our relationship?"

"Not anymore," Light shrugs his shoulders and heads to the kitchen, flinging: "Take off my sweater, will you?"

L follows the teen with sad eyes, then takes last glance at himself in the mirror before pulling the clothes off. He's just about to trudge into the kitchen, when Light's voice stops him.

"While I'm busy here, please turn on the heater, it's getting chilly. Oh, and place your things and the clothes I bought into the wardrobe."

Sighing, L grabs his bag and shoves it into the closet. Taking a look at the small pile of clothes left on the bed, L shrugs and picks up the whole bunch, thrusting it inside the wardrobe in one go.

"What are you doing there?" he asks Light, while examining the heater in search of the power button.

"I'm going to cook a dinner," Light responds, the clutter of kitchen ware mixing with his voice. L pushes the button he found and the heater starts emitting low rumble. Done with his tasks, he walks into the kitchen to lean against the doorframe and watch Light who is busy cutting kamaboko.

"You've already put the clothes into the wardrobe?" Light asks, not looking at the detective.

"Yes."

"That was fast."

L shrugs, continuing to watch as Light takes green onion and starts cutting it.

"What are you cooking?" L asks, dolefully looking over the tiny kitchen with absolutely no place to sit on. In the furthest corner of the room stands a small fridge. One tiny, cluttered counter takes place beside it, followed by one more counter with a sink atop it, another corner is taken by a stove, above which hang kitchen set utensils along with two towels. The wall, opposite to the cooking area, is empty, having only a small window with a garbage bin below it.

"Soba with shrimps," Light responds, finally turning his head to take a look at Ryuzaki. "Want some?"

"Mmm... No, thanks."

"You'll change your mind once you're hungry," Light shrugs, turning away to fiddle with noodles. "The shrimps should be fine. I was lucky to find frozen tempura ones."

L mumbles something indefinite in response before asking tentatively:

"Light-kun... Do you remember Yasuhiro-kun?"

"That neighbor brat?" Light glances up to see Ryuzaki nod. "What about him?"

"Well, he visited me while you were being absent."

"And what did he want? How did he get inside anyway? I took the key, didn't I?"

"You forgot to lock the door," L says, "so he just welcomed himself."

"Isn't he classy," Light scoffs.

"We talked a little, and he said he's going to have a show today in that bar close to our apartment complex. He invited us, so I thought that maybe we could dine there today?"

While L talks, his voice becomes more and more quiet, while the noise Light makes with the casserole gets only louder. L wonders over the fact how ill at ease he feels while asking Light to go out, and if he knew the feeling, he'd probably compare it to asking a strict parent for a night out with friends.

"That was very nice of him to invite us," Light says in a calm voice that contradicts with the force he puts the casserole on the stove. "But I have other plans."

"Yasuhiro-kun said it would be fun," L persists. "Besides, he's having a show."

"What show? Is he a stripper or something? I'm not interested in seeing him shaking his junk in my face," Light grouses, while unpacking the shrimps and reading package instructions.

"He's not a stripper! He's a singer, he said. He writes his songs and plays a guitar, so..."

"If you so want to see him perform, why don't you go there alone?" Light interrupts, looking at L asquint. "It's not like we're chained together anymore."

"I don't exactly  _want_  to see him perform, I just thought it would be easier for both of us to dine out."

"Oh really?" Light arches his brow while crossing his arms on his chest.

"Yes, really. Why do you have to act like this? I'm trying to be friendly with you, but you keep cutting me off," L says, feeling frustrated.

"I'm being nice, actually. Nice enough for a person, who got taken miles away from home without any kind of explanation to such actions."

"I will explain everything to you. Just... not now. It's not the right time."

"So now I have to wait for your right time to come, huh?" Light drawls, peeking into the casserole with boiling water and removing some kelp out of it. "Back home you kept telling me the matter was urgent."

"I was telling the truth."

"So why the hell are we not discussing it yet?!" Light almost shouts, looking at Ryuzaki with a frown. "One would think you'd hurry up and tell me what is the matter that concerns you so deeply, instead of wanting to waste time in some darned bar, watching some shitty performance!"

"Why are you yelling at me?" L presses his lips together, withstanding the desire to recoil.

"I'm not yelling!"

"Yes, you are."

For a few seconds Light looks at him, and the expression on his face clearly tells he wants to either strangle Ryuzaki, or hit him, or maybe just tell him to go and fuck himself, but eventually Light turns away with an 'ugh', deciding it's best to concentrate on the cooking.

L stares at Light, who fusses with adding some ingredients to the broth, in disbelief, feeling half-angry, half-miserable. So now some soup is of more importance than talking to Ryuzaki. L almost feels like pouting and interfering with Light's cooking process, but after giving the teen last glare, he turns around and heads off to the bedroom, flopping onto the bed the moment he's there. Silence surrounding the apartment weights on L, and after five minutes of enduring the lack of sounds, L hops off the bed to turn on the TV. The screen blinks at him and a second later an image of some woman appears on it, accompanied with emotional speech. L looks around the room in search of a remote, but it seems nowhere to be found, so L has to settle down with watching whatever's on the screen at the moment.

Twenty minutes into the viewing of what turned out to be a talk show, L finds himself oddly entranced with the topic of the conversation that has something to do with family conflicts. L's already listened to two stories of two different women who were in a constant state of cold war with their spouses, who they married after just a few months of dating. Now the mic has been given to a some old lady, who immediately started expressing her opinion on such bonds:

"The lion's share of deep family conflicts arise due to spouses' wrong expectations of each other!" the lady says, blinking rapidly. "And in this particular case, the partners weren't given enough time to get to know one another, they didn't agree on what kind of future they were going to create, relying to their intuition instead. What you should have done, and what every couple considering marriage should do, is to draw the partner out, to learn what they can give you and what they want from you, correlate it with your own wishes and make your own conclusion as to whether you two are compatible or are in for some troubles!"

L gives a slow blink to the screen, and belatedly notices Light, who's finished puttering about in the kitchen and now stands at the bedroom's threshold.

"Dinner's ready," Light says with an expressionless face, once L turns to look at him. "Come, grab your bowl."

His voice sounds strangely low and serious after the chirping of people from the talk show.

"I don't want to eat soup," L responds, turning his face away from Light to watch the screen again.

"Don't be unreasonable. You haven't eaten for the whole day."

"I know."

"You do? Then, come and eat, Ryuzaki. Otherwise, you're going to stay up all night, moaning about being hungry," Light sighs, pressing his palm to his face in a tired manner.

"I won't do that."

"Yeah, right," Light chortles scornfully. "Turn off that TV and let's have a dinner."

"No," L says stubbornly, even though his treacherous stomach starts rumbling the second he utters the word.

"Why not?"

"Because I hate soup."

"This is ridiculous. Turn that damn TV off and let's eat," Light frowns.

"I'm not eating your soup."

For a whole minute both of them stay silent, glaring at each other, while the TV host continues to merrily enthuse:

"Honey moon phase snuffs out pretty quickly, and if the both partners have nothing to offer each other, the relationship's going to fail."

"You know what..." Light starts, but a knock on the front door cuts him off. Letting out a sigh of exasperation, Light shakes his head and marches into the hall. A few seconds later L hears him saying:

"Who's there?"

"It's Yasuhiro, your neighbor!" comes a peppy reply.

For a second Light stays silent, but soon he turns the key in the lock and opens the door.

"Hi," Yasuhiro smiles at him amiably.

"Hi."

An awkward pause follows, that lasts until Yasuhiro's smile grows wider and he says:

"Sorry for the intrusion. Just wanted to know if Ryuga-kun home?"

"Ryuga?" Light echoes.

Just as Light says that, L emerges from the bedroom, staring at the two boys curiously.

"Hi again," Yasuhiro waves happily at him, and Light quickly turns to look at L, who gives a sluggish wave in return.

"Come in, Masaki-kun," L says to the neighbor, making Light stare at him with hatred.

"Oh, thanks! Thought you'd never say that," Masaki laughs and squeezes past Light, to take off his shoes. On his shoulder is a strap of a guitar case, which catches L's attention.

"What's the guitar for?" he asks.

"Did you forget? I'm having a show tonight!" Masaki laughs, while stepping further into the hallway. He then stops and takes a deep breath, letting out a dreamy sigh after a few seconds.

"Smells so nice! Were you guys cooking something?"

"Yes. We were about to have a dinner," Light states, crossing his arms on his chest and not taking his eyes off the guy, who seems comfortable enough to roam around their apartment.

"Oh, sorry, didn't mean to disturb you!" Masaki turns to give Light round eyes. Then his expression changes into one of disappointment. "Shit, so you're having dinner at home? I was kinda hoping you guys would come to the bar tonight."

Light shrugs, still eyeing Masaki with displease readable in every feature of his face. L, on the other hand, makes a vague gesture and says:

"I told him about your show, Masaki-kun, but Light-kun wants to stay at home."

"So, your name is Light?" Masaki turns to look at Light, who still stands with his arms locked on his chest. "That's a pretty weird name you got, ne, Light-kun?"

Light shrugs and says:

"I would much rather prefer if you called me by the surname."

"And that is?"

"Yagami."

"Alright, then, Yagami-kun," Masaki gives Light a broad smile and playfully punches his shoulder. "Don't be a bore, let's go out and have some fun!"

"No, thanks," Light winces, stepping away from the energetic neighbor. He notices how L and Masaki exchange glances, and says: "I'm still tired from the trip, besides, my dinner's getting colder each second. So, if you'll excuse me..."

L watches as Light turns his back and soon disappears in the gathering dusk of the bedroom. He helplessly turns to look at Masaki, and the guy shakes his head, muttering 'what the hell' before following Light's steps. Feeling unreasonably worried, L minces behind him and watches as Masaki turns on the lights in the room to reveal Light, who sits on the sofa with two bowls of soup on the table before him.

"What's the matter?" Light asks in a nonchalant voice, staring at the TV screen with vacant eyes.

"Listen, I know you're tired and all that, but don't be an asshole, okay?" Masaki says, tilting his head to the side and putting his hands on hips.

L watches as Light slowly turns his eyes to look at the guy.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, excuse you! Don't you see your friend over here is depressed as shit?! He needs some fun in his life!" Masaki exclaims, pointing at L, who suddenly wishes to become invisible. "Do you honestly think your sour face is going to make him feel better in some way?"

"Yasuhiro-kun, don't..." L tries to interfere, but trails off.

"Depressed? Is he now?" Light asks with a dark chuckle. For a brief moment he lingers his gaze on L before taking one of the bowls from the table in his hands.

"Well, duh!" Masaki flails his hands emotionally. "It's probably hard for you to understand him, I get it, you must have never gotten dumped, but not all of us are that lucky, man!"

Light silently shifts his gaze from Masaki to L.

"I see," he says.

Just before Masaki opens his mouth to probably start a new flow of accusations, Light lets out a sigh and continues:

"I'm sorry, but I really am in no condition for a night out. Pretty sure, Ryuga-kun can manage on his own. Why don't you two go without me?"

L stares at Light, speechless, while Masaki shakes his head and says:

"It's not really about going out, it's about having friends around, okay?"

"Why not make new friends, Ryuga?" Light murmurs while looking at L. "You wanted to go to that bar and watch the show, didn't you?"

"I told you that was not the point," L objects, frowning.

"I'm certain that Yasuhiro-kun can provide you a nice company for tonight, isn't that so?"

"I sure can do that, but it's you who's his friend, right?" Masaki frowns. "Geez, dude, you're a dead meat."

"What does that even mean? Local slang of some sort?" Light scowls. "Anyway, that doesn't matter. Just go, okay? Have fun."

Both L and Masaki stare at him, then the neighbor guy shakes his head and shoves his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans.

"Yeah, whatever. I gotta leave anyway," he says and turns to give L an inquiring look. "Ryuga-kun?"

L doesn't spare him a glance, having his stare glued to Light, who picks the noodles with a stoney face, looking only at the TV screen.

"Light-kun..." he rustles.

"Go," Light says just as quietly, still refusing to look at the detective. "You deserve to have fun after everything you've been through. This is what you came here for, in the end."

There are slightest notes of irony audible in his voice, and that fact alone prickles at L's nerves.

"Light-kun, that's not it," L says, biting at his lower lip. "It's not about having fun."

Light doesn't reply, and L takes a surreptitious glance at Masaki, who looks at both of them with a frown of confusion on his face. God damn this guy, because of him everything is only getting worse!

"I am not going without you," L finally says.

"Come on," both Light and Masaki say it in chorus and immediately exchange displeased looks.

"What are you, strapped to him?" Masaki asks, rolling his eyes. "It's just for a few hours, you'll be back in no time, geez."

"Go, Ryuga. It's alright, really," Light says.

"Dude, you gotta make up your mind now, because I have to be in the bar in ten minutes," Masaki adds worriedly.

"See, Ryuga? Don't make our friend wait."

"Do you really want me to go?" L asks, ignoring Masaki, who nervously fiddles with the strap of the guitar case.

Light gives him a brief look and nods his head.

"Sure."

The benevolent tone and a warm glance that Light gives him, don't appear to be fake, but somehow they still do nothing to disperse L's feeling of worry. He guiltily looks at the second bowl of soup on the table, obviously prepared for him. Then he takes just as guilty peek at the neighbor, who looks awfully excited to have a new friend to visit his show.

"Put your coat on and let's get going!" Masaki exclaims, having already turned his back and ready to leave the room.

"Give me just a second..." L mutters, turning to the wardrobe and taking off his sweatshirt. He takes a surreptitious look back and gets disappointed to see Light nonchalantly eating his noodles while staring at the TV screen and not at him.

"You ready, Ryuga-kun?" he hears Masaki calling from the hallway.

"Yes, almost," L replies, snatching the yellow sweater and quickly putting it on. He then grabs the coat that Light gave him in the morning, and hurries to Masaki, who already has his shoes on.

"Wow," Yasuhiro says all of a sudden, staring at L.

"What?" the detective asks while putting on his tennis shoes.

"That sweater looks... pretty cute."

"I think it looks ridiculous, but I've got little to choose from," L replies, straightening his back to look Masaki in the eyes.

"Don't worry, I think this color... uh... suits you."

For a second both of them don't say anything and stare at each other. Then Masaki averts his eyes, and once again starts fiddling with the strap of the guitar case.

"Take the key with you, Ryuga," Light's cold voice ruins the pause. L turns his head to see Light, who stands leaning against the bedroom's doorframe. "I'm going to bed soon."

"Okay..."

"Well, let's go?" Masaki smiles at L and opens the front door. "Bye, Yagami-kun!"

"Bye."

L steps out of the apartment, and just before he closes the door, he looks Light in the eyes.

"I'll be back soon," L says quietly.

"Don't bother," despite his face being carefully emotionless, Light barely hides the silent wrath, that soaks through his voice. "Do whatever you want, Ryuga."

He doesn't wait for L to close the door and turns his back to leave first.

 

* * *

 

Dim light bulbs glow on the ceiling, bar counter and tables are shot with silvery tone, floor's covered with colorful carpets, clubs of smoke float above his head.

L sits, squatted on a big and comfortable chair at one of the tables, and stares at a small scene of the bar, currently empty. Sensing the rumbling of his stomach, L decides to busy himself with reading a short menu while waiting for Yasuhiro's performance. His eyes quickly run through the list of dishes: a croissant and a cup of coffee sound fine enough to excite his appetite. At least, it's better than the soup Light wanted to feed him with. L's stomach gives series of pitiful grumbles, making him feel nostalgic about chocolate fondants Watari used to serve to the detective him back in Tokyo. Ah, sweet delight... But apparently Rebun can't treat him to such a dessert, so he'll settle with stuffing his face with five or, maybe, six croissants.

Feeling a little relieved with his decision, L sets the menu aside and takes another glance at the scene just in time to see Masaki ascending on it.

"Yasuhiro-kun!" someone cries out enthusiastically behind L's back, and the audience starts whistling and clapping, while Masaki waves to them, smiling. L watches as he then takes a seat on a bar stool that stands in the middle of the scene, and places his guitar on his thighs, hand positioned to play the chords. A waiter comes running to L to take his order, while Masaki lifts his eyes to gaze at his newly found friend with a smile. His hand finally touches the strings and the melody begins.

 

* * *

 

Left alone in the empty and alien apartment, Light stands perfectly still in front of the small dinner table in the bedroom, looking at the bowl with the already cooled down soup that was meant for Ryuzaki. Yeah, it was meant to be eaten by that bastard, until that very bastard decided he'd rather bum around some bar in a company of a person himself barely knows.

Light's eyes wear a bleak and vacant expression as he keeps staring at the bowl of soup, while the TV keeps on rambling:

"So, all in all they just happened to suit each other's temporal emotional or physical needs, and that is also the reason as to why a relationship like that is never going to work: neither party gets to know another person well enough to make it really last. There's a huge difference between the kind of dating we do in high school and the serious relationship we have as an adult. There should be an entire spectrum of emotions that the pair should be going through, the relationship should unfold. In this case it never happened. They just fell for each other and that's it."

Light turns his head to the TV screen to see a man in his mid-forties, reasoning about and trying to set a conclusion to all that has been discussed during the hour-long talk show.

"Shut up," Light sullenly tells to the man, thinking that all of a sudden there has appeared a ridiculous connection between a dumb talk show and his own life. Shaking his head, Light switches the TV off and once again glances at Ryuzaki's untouched bowl of soup.

"Oh well..." he mutters under his breath, taking the bowl into his hands and heading into the kitchen, where he pours out the now-swollen noodles into the garbage bin. Good food wasted because of Ryuzaki and his selfish ass.

The mere thought of L makes him wince. Light frowns, turning on the faucet and taking a sponge to wash the dirty dishes. The detective's unreasonable behavior, all the weird, insane words that he's said so far, all of it confuses Light and irritates him to no extent. The main reason of his aggravation being the fact L suddenly started to pretend he gives a damn only after Light plainly stated their relationship was over. Over. And how did Ryuzaki react to that? Once again he ignored Light's words and went on forcing himself on Light, playing out some half-assed feelings and having the audacity to say he cares while all of his actions screamed of contrary.

That is degrading. L comes to him whenever he so wants, making Light feel half like an escort-boy, half like an umbrella, that stands pushed into a dusty corner and gets remembered about only when the weather gets bad. Like today, when Ryuzaki said he was too tired to go and buy groceries, but was apparently energetic enough for a night out with a guy he barely knows. This attitude of L's should be enough to make it clear that he doesn't care. And why the hell this should concern Light in any way? L has always been a bitchy, unbearable, ungrateful, selfish brat, whose sole goal was to get in Light's way. Just how much better life will become once L's gone? And to think, just a day ago Light honestly thought he would be missing the detective.

Light gently turns the faucet off, places washed bowls into a cupboard and wipes his hands dry. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he's just about to head to the bathroom, when his phone goes off in his pocket. Matsuda.

"Hello?" Light says, picking up the phone.

"Thanks god, Light-kun, you finally answered!" Matsuda's worried, slightly distorted by the phone, voice immediately fills Light's ears. "Your father's been trying to ring you up all day!"

"Has he?" Light asks, raising his eyebrows. Weird. He doesn't have any missed calls. Could it be the connection was so bad, he couldn't receive calls?

"Yeah! We're all going crazy with worry, both you and Ryuzaki are absent, Watari doesn't say anything, we have no clue what to do!"

"I'm with Misa," Light says, shrugging his shoulders. "Yesterday Ryuzaki told me he was going to postpone investigation because something came up, and he had to deal with it urgently. He didn't explain anything to me either."

"Really?!" Matsuda shouts, making Light wince and draw the phone further away from his ear. "What can be more urgent than Kira case?! The killings continue!"

"I understand... But we don't know any details, so how can we possibly judge Ryuzaki for temporarily leaving the investigation?" Light says in a placating voice. "It's not like he decided to stop working on the case completely, I'm sure he'll be back in a few days."

"Well, if you put it that way..." Matsuda sighs and pauses for a moment. "Am I interrupting your date with Misa-Misa?"

"No."

"You said you were with her, so I thought..."

"No, it's not like that," Light shakes his head and sets out to aimlessly pace around the room. "It seems Misa has a stalker, so she asked me to stay at her place for a couple of days. I don't want Misa to get hurt, so I decided to comply with her wish."

"Oh my god, it's so creepy," Matsuda says with a gasp. "Are you sure it's going to be okay? Maybe she should hire a bodyguard?"

"She doesn't want to, says a bodyguard can't stay with her during the night."

"That sounds reasonable," Matsuda admits, making Light smirk. "Actually, we thought you'd replace Ryuzaki while he's not here. Can't you bring Misa along, just so she'd stay in the headquarters while we work on the case?"

"I wanted to discuss that with her today, but we had no time for that... Either way, I do not think that is possible," Light sighs before going into details, "Since Misa's been out of public view for so long, everyone wants to know what's been going on with her, besides, her producers just won't let her have a day off anymore, so, basically, we are in a dead end right now."

"You accompany her to photo-shoots and all that?" Matsuda asks, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, since she asked me to," Light frowns, not liking the fact Matsuda keeps searching for a way to make Light come in place of L.

A short pause follows Light's words, and then Matsuda says in a confused tone of voice:

"Misa-Misa has like, five guys guarding her every step outside... right?"

"Well, yes, but it only happens when she's having a meet-and-greet or a concert, the organizers of events grant her security. Otherwise, she's defenseless," Light says, suppressing his irritation. "Besides, we don't know for a fact who her stalker is. Could very well be that one of those security guys is the one threatening her."

"Oh, I didn't think of that," Matsuda gasps once again. "Then, you should be very careful too, Light-kun, who knows what the stalker can do to you, if he learns you're the one dating Misa-Misa!"

"Yes, I'm on my guard," Light smiles. "Meanwhile, since I currently can't attend to the case, I think my father should lead the investigation. Keep on with tracking down the pattern, that might give us at least some clue..."

"Yeah, sure, I'll tell the chief what you said."

For a moment both of them stay silent, until Light lets out a frustrated sigh.

"Damn, such a bad time for Ryuzaki to be out of touch... I'm worried something bad might happen to him. What if he found vital information about Kira, but decided to proceed alone?" Light says, trying his best to sound tense.

"Alone?" Matsuda repeats nervously.

"Yes... Knowing him, he might as well have already found out Kira's identity and now he's gone to oppose Kira face to face, without having said a word to us. I just... I honestly feel very perturbed about the fact he didn't explain the reason of his leave."

"Light-kun..." Matsuda says softly, "I can't know for sure, but I'm positive Ryuzaki would never have done something like that without telling you at the first place... He knows how much it means to you, so he'd have definitely told about finding Kira's identity to you first."

"I thought so too, but you know how he is..." Light lets out a bitter chuckle. "He can be astonishingly selfish out of best intentions."

"Yes, that's right," Matsuda laughs, and Light can hear him smiling when he says next words: "I know you and Ryuzaki are good friends, but right now you have enough to worry about. Try to relax while you have a chance, alright? Spend a nice evening with your girlfriend, take her to a restaurant, or a walk in a park... Though, wait, it's dangerous, considering the circumstances. Then, just watch a good movie at home and have quality time together! You can order pizza as well! Thinking of that made me feel so tired and hungry all of a sudden. I think I'll order pizza tonight, even though I have no one to share it with."

"You're quite a romantic, Matsuda-san, I never knew this side of you," Light laughs and then adds with a smile: "Thank you for your worry."

"Seems like you have much to learn about me still!" Matsuda chuckles. "Well, anyway, it was nice talking to you, Light-kun. Hope you can get back to us soon!"

"I'm sure I'll be back on track in a few days."

"Oh, and tell Misa I said hi, okay?"

"Sure."

"Well then, bye and goodnight!"

"Goodnight," Light says with a soft smile and hangs up. Slowly, the smile fades off his face. He gazes at the display of his phone thoughtfully and soon makes up his mind, starting to dial his father's number. Best to talk to him as soon as he can.

"Dad," Light says once his father picks up. "I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner."

The conversation with his father consists of almost the same lines Light said to Matsuda a few minutes before. Yes, he knows Ryuzaki left the investigation. No, he has no idea what the hell happened to the detective. Yes, he's with Misa and should stay with her for the sake of keeping her safe. Of course he'll be cautious and do everything he can to identify the stalker and help Misa get rid of them.

"That's how it is, dad," Light says, walking up to the mirror and staring at himself. "The stalker left quite a disturbing message in the pocket of her coat, so I assume it's someone, who has the access to the dressing room she uses. Maybe a make-up artist, or a guard, or even a janitor. It can be anyone from the staff members, really."

"How are you going to help her?" Soichiro asks, sounding worried.

"Well, we can't report about the stalking to the police yet... They just won't have enough evidence to charge the person. Me being constantly around Misa is more of a precaution measure."

"But you can't be around her forever, Light."

"I know. My plan is to keep the things the way they are for a week or so. If nothing happens, we'll try provoking Misa's stalker," Light shrugs. "I think of setting up a situation where she's in a seemingly vulnerable position, which stalker will most probably consider an opportunity. If they come up for a conversation, or outright lash at her, I'll be there to prevent any possible damage, plus we'll get the evidence we need."

"That sounds dangerous," Soichiro says, and Light can just envisage him frowning. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Don't worry, dad. I'm not going to let it get out of hand. Besides, maybe there's no stalker at all and that message was nothing but someone's cruel joke. Still, I want to make sure Misa is going to be alright. Better safe than sorry."

"You are probably right," Soichiro says with a sigh. "Be careful, alright?"

"Of course," Light nods and adds after a seconds: "I won't waste too much time being idle, if nothing happens during the days I'll spend with Misa, she'll just have to hire a bodyguard."

"No, it's alright if you stay with her."

"But the investigation..."

"Matsuda already told me you want me to lead it for the time being. I'm fine with your decision, besides, I'm hoping Ryuzaki will come back soon."

"He will, dad," Light says in a benevolent tone. "There is no way Ryuzaki's just abandoned it."

"Yes, I think so too..."

"So... how's it going with the family? Are mom and Sayu okay?"

Light spends fifteen more minutes chatting with his father about non-essential matters, that concern both the case and their family. When the conversation finally ends, Light hangs up and glances at his watch – ten o'clock. It's ten in the evening and it's been an hour since Ryuzaki left the apartment. Well, isn't it just fantastic? Everyone is going crazy with worry over the case and the mystery behind L's sudden disappearance, while the detective merrily lazes his time away here, in Rebun, in a shady bar with some shifty fellow.

Light shakes his head in disapproval, tosses his phone on the bed and makes his way into the bathroom. While washing his face and brushing teeth, he busies his mind, thinking wether he should wait for L to come back. Water dripping down his chin, Light glances up to see his own sullen face in the small mirror. He finds he looks rather tired, and tries to smile at himself, noting how the traces of fatigue get only more visible the more effort he gives to squeeze out a sincere grin.

"Screw that," he mutters under his breath, as his face obtains the morose expression. He should change into pajamas and try to fall asleep. L might as well spend all night out for all he cares. And in the morning Light won't give a damn about waiting for Ryuzaki's 'right time', and will press the matter until the detective spills his thoughts about whatever reason he has for taking Light here.

Five minutes later, when the lights are switched off and Light folds back the blanket to get in bed and drift off to sleep, his phone goes off for the second time this day.

"Yes?" he irritably says as soon as he presses the reply button.

"Li~ght!" Misa's voice drawls. "I miss you so much! Can you talk right now?"

"Ah... Yes, Misa, I can talk," Light mutters tiredly, sloping his back against the pillow.

"What is happening, Light? I don't understand," she whimpers, making Light suppress another sigh.

"Listen, I'm not in Tokyo right now."

"Where you at?"

"I have no idea."

"What?!" Misa squeals. "It's Ryuzaki's fault, isn't it?! He took you away, right?"

"Let's say he offered me to accompany him in a trip, and I had no other choice but to comply, Misa. Don't worry about me, I'm safe for now."

"Does he still suspect you?" Misa whispers.

"Yes. He certainly does," Light shrugs, staring into the ceiling.

"Is he torturing you? Oh my god, I'm so scared, Light," he hears Misa sniffing quietly.

"No. I am fine. Listen," Light closes his eyes, rubbing them in an exhausted manner. "I told everyone that you are being stalked and I have to stay with you for a few days. Keep up this facade until this hassle is over with, do you understand? "

"Yes..." Misa murmurs in a trembling voice. "But when will you come back?"

"I'm not sure. I hope it won't take me longer than a week."

"A whole week..." Misa drawls dolefully.

"I'll do whatever I can to be back sooner," Light smiles. "By the way, is everything okay with you?"

"Oh, yes, I'm fine! Just got a contract with a magazine, so I'm going to have a photo-shoot this week, and I also am going to have an interview on a TV show," Misa immediately start blabbing. Light frowns.

"I'm happy for you," he says. "So... no one bothers you? Everything else is going smoothly?"

"Yeah, why would you..." she pauses and then it hits her. "Oh! You mean it  _that_  way! Don't worry, Light, I'm keeping everything just like you told me to!"

"That's great, Misa," Light smiles. "You make me happy. I love you."

"I love you too..." she murmurs in a dreamy voice. "Light..."

"Yeah?"

"Are you alone right now?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Do you..." she pauses before whispering in a breathy voice: "Do you want to have phone-sex with me? I miss you so much..."

For a second Light stays silent, so that Misa can only hear his breath. Just when she thinks Light is going to refuse, he says:

"Yeah. Sure."

 


	8. Co-existing

Yasuhiro has already sang six of his songs, and now strums on the guitar, drawling, hopefully, the last ballad for today. L has already voiced his choice to the waiter only to face yet another disappointment – apparently, they don't serve coffee with croissants at this hour. "You've been looking at the breakfast choice. Try our special pork belly!" the waiter said, while L thought that pork belly sounded even worse than Light's soup. It took him five minutes to persuade the waiter to at least bring him a cup of coffee, and, what a joke – the bar didn't have any cream left.

So, the past half an hour L spent hungry, severely upset and unreasonably moody. Right now, he doesn't think he can care less about Yasuhiro's songs – all of them sound pretty much the same anyway, having three chords played over and over again, although L can't deny Masaki's clear, at times pointedly cracking voice is pleasant to listen to.

"No memories means no promises..." Masaki sings with a martyr's air, staring into the distance.

Shifting his gaze from the suffering singer to a cup of instant black coffee on the table before him, L slumps in the chair, resting his back and closing his eyes. The murmur of unintelligible words lulls him, and soon the muscles in his body start to relax as he slowly becomes drowsy.

"No memories..." Masaki's soft voice goes on, getting more and more muffled with each second, while people in the bar keep chatting; never-ending stream of words that are being said so fast, it becomes hard to discern where the phrase begins and where it ends.

L feels like a child, stuck listening to adults talking about something unclear and unimportant. The air, that retains the odors of heated oil, tobacco and alcohol, stops feeling oppressing. The words roll like waves, vowels and consonants turn into messy rumble, accompanied by soft, monotonous guitar melody. The surrounding noise layers on the clear heartbeat, while dreamy hectic images swarm behind L's closed eyes.

He's almost asleep, his consciousness drifts back and forth lazily, like a tide, as his mind and body get numb in stages. This trippy attraction doesn't last long, as Masaki ends the song on a high note, strumming the last chord. The audience in the bar burst with applause, startling L wide awake. He blinks rapidly, trying to shoo the bits of drowsiness, staring at Masaki, who bows to the public, having a dazzling smile on his face. Masaki's eyes dart to look at L, who at the moment dearly resembles a love child of a panda and a chicken, looking paler than anyone in the whole bar, having his black hair completely messed up, wearing his ridiculous yellow sweater while gawking at Yasuhiro with round eyes. Masaki's smile grows wider and he winks at L, getting a momentary alarmed look from the new friend. As clapping slowly dies out and nonchalant music starts flowing from the speakers, Masaki hops off the scene and starts hastily towards the table L occupies.

"Masaki!" someone cries out cheerfully, and L shifts his gaze to his left to see a company of four relatively young people sitting at one of the tables.

"Wait a second, will ya?" Masaki cries in response and immediately plops down on the chair beside the detective. "How you doin'?"

"I'm fine," L responds, raising his eyes to look at Yasuhiro's smiling face.

"Did you like the show?"

"Yes, it was very nice," L says, watching as the neighbor guy calls for the waiter.

"That's all you've got to say? Really?"

"Well, you have got a pleasant voice, Yasuhiro-kun, but your music is a bit repetitive," L shrugs.

"Ouch."

"What?"

"That was harsh," Masaki admits with a smirk. "Didn't expect you to start criticizing me right away."

"I'm sorry, I thought you asked for my opinion," L mumbles, bringing thumb to his lips to start nibbling at it. "If it makes you feel any better, I still enjoyed your performance. Your lyrics were rather moving, but, as I already said, the tunes leave something to be desired."

"Yeah, that's exactly what they said to me in Tokyo," Masaki sighs and pauses as the waiter places a glass of beer in front of him.

"Who they?"

"People in producer center. Said I ought to try harder if I want to ever become an idol. Made me kiss their asses and beg for something to get recorded."

"That's the rule of show business, I guess," L mutters, adding a sugar cube to the long since cooled down coffee.

"Yeah, I guess so too..." Masaki shakes his head and takes a big sip from his glass. "Well, anyway, it's not a fun topic to discuss right now. Besides, I'm long since over it, so... What's her name?"

"Whose name?" L blinks, looking at Masaki in confusion.

"That girl you keep pining over! Gee."

"It's sensitive material," L says, in hopes to win some time while desperately trying to conjure up a name, as the image of Light's stern face appears in his mind's eyes. What girly name could possibly suit him? Not Misa, that's for sure. Maybe something that's close to his real one?..

"Oh, come on! That ain't sensitive at all! There's no way I know, or will ever meet the girl you're talking about, dude."

"I know, but I'd like to keep her name a secret."

"Are you even sure it's a girl, Ryuga-kun?" Masaki asks suddenly, giving L a peering look.

"What else she might possibly be?"

"A guy?"

"As far as I'm aware, she doesn't have the parts necessary to be deemed a man," L mumbles, keeping his eyes locked with Masaki's, while Light in his mind's eyes raises his brows in surprise.

"Sorry, dude, didn't mean to offend you," Masaki shrugs, raising his hands helplessly. "It's just I can't get the reason as to why you don't want to tell me her name. It's nothing personal, right? But if you prefer to keep it a secret, that's okay."

"Luna," L suddenly blurts out. "Her name is Luna."

Right, Luna. That's, at least, somewhat close to the way the kanji in Light's name can be deciphered.

"Oh wow! A foreigner, eh?"

"For me, yes..."

"Okay, so how did it happen that you two broke up?" Masaki asks, taking a comfortable position and obviously ready to listen to a long story. "Want some beer?"

"No, thanks. I had a bit too much just yesterday," L winces and pauses. "As for how we broke up... Well... She just said she decided it's over."

"Didn't she explain her reasons?"

"She did, but I know she was lying about them."

"What do you mean?" Masaki frowns.

"It's... something I don't want to talk about. I know she lied about her reasons, that's all," L sighs, wanting for the conversation to be over. "I have to go now, Masaki-kun. Thank you for the-"

"What are you talking about?!" Yasuhiro almost jumps on his seat. "We've just started!"

"I have to go back."

"Why?"

"Do I really have to explain my actions to you? I have to go back, that's all you need to know," L frowns, starting to put on the coat that was laying on the chair beside him.

"That's a bummer, man."

"I'm sorry," L shrugs. "We can meet another time."

"Yeah, sure..." Masaki says quietly, and then catches L wrist in his hand. "You know, I'd like to get to know you a little better. Let's meet again tomorrow? We can go for a walk, or I can show you around the town. What'd you think?"

"Uh... Okay? Please, let go of my hand. Your friends over there are waiting for you, Masaki-kun," L says with a soft smile. "You should go to them. Once again, thank you for the show, it was entertaining."

Masaki makes a vague gesture with his hand, appearing disappointed.

"You're welcome, Ryuga-kun. Anytime, really."

"Well then, goodbye," L nods. "Have a fun night."

"Bye..." Masaki says, watching as Ryuga makes his way across the bar to the exit. His tall figure stands out among the few visitors there are, and Masaki thinks that even if there were many more people around, Ryuga would still catch his attention. There's some haunting, obscure appeal in Ryuga, and it's hard for Masaki to comprehend what exactly makes him follow the guy with his eyes until Ryuga disappears behind the door.

 

* * *

 

Thick fog spreads along the narrow street outside the bar. L shivers from a crisp frost, and wraps the coat tighter around himself as he sets walking down the street in a fast pace, steamy cloudlets escaping his mouth with each breath. Shadows, surrounding him, seem big and ugly, as well as the roar of ocean waves has become distorted and unusually loud in this cold and dark hour.

Fingers, numb with cold, feel the pocket in search of the apartment keys and grab at them tightly as L almost runs the last few steps left to the porch of the complex. He hastily walks inside, closing the door behind his back and cutting off the unnerving sound of the stormy ocean nearby. Not sparing a second to look around, L starts ascending the stairs until he's on the fourth floor where he shoves the key into the lock and opens the door.

The smell of recently cooked food, home warmth and something sweet hits his nostrils, and L lets out a quiet breath, suddenly feeling peaceful. Judging by the darkness, enclosing the flat, Light must have already fallen asleep, and L does his best to take off his sneakers and coat as quietly as he can. Just as he makes a step towards the bathroom, his stomach emits a low, pitiful grumble. Right... he still hasn't eaten anything, and the hunger reminds him of its presence with pain and noises. Maybe Light's soup is not that bad of an idea after all...

Deciding he'll sort out what to stuff his face with after he's managed with another delicate problem, L soundlessly opens the bathroom door and turns on the lights, walking inside the next moment and stopping by the toilet sink. The fly of his jeans unzipped, he half-closes his eyes as his bladder gets emptied. Once done, he reaches with his hand to flush the toilet, when a muffled chuckle from the other room makes him freeze. Isn't Light asleep? Confused, L cautiously steps closer to the wall and strains his hearing.

"Yeah?.. Take off your bra."

Light's voice sounds breathy and hushed, and the words he says are clear enough for L to realize he's unwillingly butted into something intimate. His heart clenches with pain, as he takes a step back and pushes the flush button, not really being quite aware of his own actions. The roar of water drowns the sounds coming from the bedroom, but does nothing to soothe the nagging pain somewhere in between of L's stomach and heart. Lowering the toilet's lid down, he lets his body slump on it, staring dumbly into the wall, behind which Light does gods know what. Is he with a woman? That's unlikely, they just got here, Light couldn't have possibly met a girl, who'd jump in bed with him after a few hours... right?

L clenches a strand of his hair in a fist. Who is he kidding? Himself had plenty of opportunities to witness just how easily Light can swoon the girls. Yesterday in that bar, despite being awfully drunk, L noticed the way women looked at Light. If Light did so much as smile and talk to them, those women would no doubt consent to spending a night with him, so what's there to be surprised about? He probably met some girl while he was out shopping...

The roar of water stops abruptly, leaving L to sit in silence. He's scared to go out. Even more he's scared to hear the creaking of that old bed once the action starts, or the moans of whoever there is with Light. How cruel it is, to make love in front of the loveless?.. Gulping a lump in his throat, L slips down on the floor and crawls closer to the wall, pressing his ear to it.

"You like being embarrassed, don't you?..." Light's soft, honey-laced voice goes on. "Show those bouncy boobs. Are your nipples aching to be touched? I want to pinch them... Yeah, do that... Play with them."

L feels a shiver run down his spine. Somehow, the way Light says the words doesn't sound like there's someone beside him at the moment. The pauses in between the phrases make it seem as though he's talking on the phone.

Confused, L looks down at his own chest, thinking of the 'bouncy boobs'. Is that what Light really wants? Taking a guilty look to the side, L quickly takes off his sweater to reveal his naked, milky-white, bruise-marred torso and pink buds of nipples. Bringing his cold hands to the chest area, he tries to gather together any flesh there is, but what he eventually gets, looks nothing like real breasts. Just slick and flat chest.

"Squeeze them... Harder. What's with that cute squeal? Keep playing with them... Are they getting bigger?"

Biting at his lower lip, L lets the fingers of one of his hands to pinch the left nipple. Tilting his head to the side, he keeps fiddling with the bud until it stands upright, tense and puckered.

"Now what?" he mutters in a despondent whisper. This is ridiculous. How can anyone get aroused by doing something like that?

"Would you blow me, if I were there with you?" he hears Light saying. "Come on, tell me how you'd do that."

Well, that's a simple request. L fancies he'd probably push Light on the bed and drag down his pants, and then... A sudden rush of blood to his cheeks makes L's face feel hot. He can clearly envisage the dark-gray fabric of Light's briefs, tented and uncomfortably strained in between of his legs. Closing his eyes, L holds his breath, reviving the memories of the heady scent that used to fill his nostrils when he would nuzzle the bulge, tracing the contours of Light's manhood with his lips. Then he'd let the puffs of his breath to ghost over the throbbing flesh, the action leaving tiniest drops of dew on the fabric.

L fidgets nervously, getting the already too familiar feeling of heat slowly raising in his entire body. There is a tingling sensation in his lower abdomen, and he knows this feeling will soon expand lower, and numb his mind, and after awhile it will turn into an itch that will beg to get scratched.

"Go on," Light's breathy voice resounds again, muffled by the wall separating them. "Don't you want to suck it?"

Suck it?..

L closes his eyes shut, his memory summoning the first time they tried doing it with mouth. It was sudden, and it happened when L laid naked in the middle of a wet patch on the sheets, basking in the afterglow, half-cradled in Light's arms, L's head rested on his thigh while Light was fondling his chest, his hands sliding down occasionally to scratch and caress L's stomach. L turned his head, sighing in bliss, only to be greeted with the sight of Light's still erect manhood, which was so close to his face, it was nearly rubbing against L's cheek. It was the first time L saw Light's member that close. Thick and sturdy, with veins bulging beneath the skin, it gave L a momentary feeling of fright, which soon changed into curiosity. He barely took his eyes off the pink head only to start examining the whole length with his prying eyes, when Light smirked and shifted a little, so that L was facing that very thing he kept gawking at. L didn't mind it when Light nudged himself against L's lips, and obediently opened his mouth to let Light slide inside, curiously swirling his tongue around the head and discovering a half-bitter, half-salty taste. The bitterness vanished in a matter of minutes, leaving only the taste of skin and a velvety sensation on his tongue, as Light kept moving slowly in and out of L's mouth, penetrating deeper with each of his thrusts. At some point, his fingers, that were threading through L's hair, clutched at L's head, rendering him motionless, as Light plundered almost up to the shaft, which made L gurgle out a protesting noise, as fresh tears spilled down his cheeks. Light pulled out before his seed got spilled, just like he always did. Somehow, it never bothered the detective, but right now, remembering and reliving their intimate moments, L suddenly starts wondering about the reasons as to why Light never let himself mark L from the inside. Surely, he could do that, with all those times they made love raw...

Letting out a shaky breath, L opens his eyes and glances down his body. Of course, there it is – a prominent, needy bulge, that draws the fabric of his jeans. He got hard just by fantasizing about blowing Light off, just how humiliating is that? At least Light himself can't enjoy the pathetic show L represents at the moment, and that's the only good thing about this whole situation.

"Sounds like you're enjoying yourself," Light speaks up again. "Are you looking to get fucked? I'd love to see the juices dripping down your thighs right now."

That treacherous thing in L's pants starts throbbing excitedly in response to Light's words. L claps his hand over his mouth to stifle a groan, while another of his hands grips tightly at his own manhood in an attempt to stop the crazy twitching. The coarseness of his jeans prevents him from truly feeling the tightness of the grip, so L hurriedly pries open the button and lowers his jeans to his knees. L's eyes roll into his skull, as his fingers wrap around the shaft, fraught with heat, and he starts stroking himself through the fabric of his underwear that feels damp and sloshy under his touch.

"I'd drill you with my fingers if I were there..." he hears Light's husky voice. "I'd love to make you all loose and open. Come on, stick them up there and let me hear it."

Hands shaking, L pushes his underwear lower and splays his legs, looking down at his own wanton body while his mouth is busy with wetting the fingers of his right hand. His tongue coils around the long, elegant digits before he pulls them out with a wet popping sound, a string of saliva still connecting his lips with the fingers.

"Make yourself all sloppy," Light murmurs in a low voice.

L's brain, long since overridden with desire, blocks all thoughts except for 'yes'. Body screaming to be used, L lets himself lay down on the cold bathroom floor, while his fingers touch the opening in between of his legs. He halts for a second, rubbing the sensitive skin, and then slowly pushes two digits at once, gasping and arching his back. It's a little painful, since his body's started restoring its natural tightness once ridden of regular intrusions. Giving himself no time to adjust, L thrusts his fingers deeper and desperately rubs the walls in attempt to find that spot that Light would usually toy with when they'd do this kind of thing. L bites into his lower lip, hard, starting to pull the digits in and out of his body, while the fingers of his left hand wrap tightly around his dick, tugging at it almost painfully.

"You want me to give it to you right there... don't you?" Light's words barely register in L's mind. "Let me mess you up."

L thinks he hears Light's groan and even the nasty sounds he makes, as he jerks himself off.

"Yes... Ngh..." L mutters, but his voice breaks into a frustrated groan when his member slips out of his hand for the fifth time due to all the wet mess. As L tries to get into a more comfortable position, his vision almost blacks out and he barely stifles a cry, when the fingers inside of him accidentally drive right into the spot he's been looking for.

"Fuck, I'm on the brink... Ah..." L hears Light's voice, as he keeps on pressing and rubbing that small lump inside, his member still in a death grip in his left hand. L's jaws are clenched so tightly together, it hurts, but his brain barely processes the signals of pain, as the climax already laps at the borders of his consciousness. So close, he is so close! Whimpering, L squeezes a third finger in, stroking himself in such a fervent manner that his hand's almost cramping. He screws his eyes shut and tears his left hand off his aching dick just in the neck of time to bite at his wrist as he climaxes. It's like a firework has exploded in a myriad of sparkles somewhere behind his closed eyes, as tingles and paralyzing pleasure flood him, rendering him momentary brain-dead before rolling over him in gentle waves.

L lays on the floor, panting, feeling void on both emotional and physical levels. Breath leaves his lungs in short, spasmodic puffs. Both of his hands ache, feeling numb and heavy, as the abused orifice in between of his legs ripens with soreness. But the pain, that slowly engulfs his body, is nothing compared to the horror and disgust that creep into his mind the more clear his head gets.

Opening his eyes, L stares into the ceiling. What has he done?.. He barged into something he was never supposed to be a part of. Like a completely sick pervert he gratified his desire by acting like an invisible third partner, a spoke in a wheel. Even if Light will never learn about this incident, it doesn't change the fact L did something this low. God...

The sounds of approaching footsteps rip L out of his thoughts. It must be Light, wanting to clean himself after the session. Hurriedly, L attempts to scramble on his feet but gets tangled and almost falls down because of his jeans, that encircle his knees still. Gritting his teeth, L quickly crawls to the shower and turns on the faucet, letting the water flow freely.

"Ryuzaki," he hears Light's slightly irritated voice from behind the door. "When are you going to come out? You've spent half an hour sitting in there!"

"I'm sorry, but I was having some troubles with my stomach, Light-kun," L blurts out, taking off his jeans and tossing them aside. His wet and absolutely disgusting underwear is thrown into a sink for later washing. "Wait a bit more, alright? I'm taking a shower right now."

Without wasting any time, L hastily steps inside the cabin. Stifling a gasp, L shivers violently under the cold stream, and looks around in search of a loofah. There it is, laying on a wall shelf around bottles of shampoo and shower gel. But why the hell it's beige and spongy instead of being blue and fluffy? Oh, damn... L completely forgot he never unpacked his things, and the only sponge there is, belongs to Light.

"Ugh! You're impossible!" he hears Light's frustrated groan, and shifts his gaze back to the sponge. Light won't mind, if L uses this thing once, right?.. Besides, L suspects that Light is more likely to get even more pissed, if he asks the teen to bring L's bathroom utensils.

Sighing, L grabs the sponge and squeezes out a chunk of the gel on it. The more he uses, the better job it'd do to cover up the smell of semen that's still hanging in the air.

Fifteen minutes later, freshly sinned L walks out of the bathroom, followed by steamy clouds behind his back. Light's towel is wrapped around his hips, his jeans and sweater grasped in hands, while the water drips from his soaking wet hair.

"Finally," Light snarls, and doesn't spare a word more, as he marches into the bathroom. L turns his head to follow Light with his eyes, and then sighs, plopping down on the bed, which emits a horribly loud squeak. Slowly, he shifts and takes a timid peek at Light's side of the bed, searching for any traces of the steamy conversation Light had here not while ago. But even if Light made some mess, he already cleaned it up, while L was showering, it seems.

"Ryuzaki," Light's voice suddenly comes from behind the wall.

"Yes?"

"What the hell is this?"

"What?"

"This," Light shows up at the threshold of the room, holding L's dirty underwear gingerly pinched in between of the fingers of his outstretched hand.

"That is... mine," L admits, inwardly cursing himself for forgetting to wash the damned underwear. In his hurry to vacate the bathroom, it completely slipped his mind...

"Yes, I know this is yours. But why were your boxers in the sink?" Light asks, shaking the piece of cloth for better emphasis.

"I was going to wash them later..."

"What do you mean 'later'? Why the hell didn't you wash it before you started showering?!" Light speaks in such a loud voice, it can almost be considered shouting. L winces and shrugs his shoulders:

"I'm sorry, Light-kun, it sort of slipped my mind."

"Wash them now."

"Right now?"

"Yes, right now. Come on, this is disgusting of you," Light frowns, and L gets the feeling he wants to throw the underwear in L's face. Rolling his eyes, L stands up and walks to Light, yanking his boxers out of Light's hand. Together they walk into the still humid and hot bathroom, where L tosses the cloth back into the sink before turning on the faucet.

"Are you going to watch me?" L intones, glancing at Light, who stands behind his back, in the mirror.

"Yes. I hope it will make you move your hands a little faster and abandon the bathroom sooner, since I've been waiting to use it for twenty minutes already."

"I'm sorry," L mutters, grinding the fabric between his fingers. Light stays silent for a few moments, watching him, and then asks in a surprisingly calm voice:

"How was the show?"

Bewildered, L looks up to glance at Light's face in the mirror. Then he shrugs awkwardly, shifting his gaze back to the soapy underwear in hands.

"It was rather nice," he says. "Yasuhiro-kun makes a pretty good artist."

"Does he? Did you enjoy the show, then?"

"I would enjoy it better, if I didn't feel so hungry all the time," L sighs, rinsing the underwear.

"Huh? You didn't eat there, Ryuzaki?" Light raises his eyebrows, watching L's movements.

"They didn't have anything that suited my taste... They didn't even have any cream for coffee, and coffee itself was an instant one," L tattles.

"How awful," Light says, and it's unclear if he's being serious or sarcastic. "But didn't Yasuhiro treat you to something? Did you speak to him at all? You returned surprisingly fast."

"Well, he offered me beer, but I've had more than enough yesterday," L mutters, checking the underwear for any stains left. "We talked for awhile, he said he wants to get to know me a little better."

L doesn't notice the slight rounding of Light's eyes after those words.

"So? What happened next?" Light prompts.

"Nothing. I said I had to go back, and he asked if I wanted to go for a walk tomorrow," L shrugs, wringing out the now-clean boxers.

"And? What did you say?" Light grits his teeth in anger. "Ryuzaki! Did you agree?"

"Well, yes," L says, turning to look at Light. "What's wrong with that? He'll show me around the town. Will you join us? I'm sure we'll have good time together."

L's reply is so innocently ingenuous, that even Light's jealousy-incited anger drains from his heart.

"You do realize that Yasuhiro asked you out not for a walk, but for a date, right?" Light specifies, sighing. "He probably didn't imply bringing along anyone else to that _walk_ of his."

"A date?" L echoes, confused. "That's implausible. We met only today... How could he possibly want to go on a date with me, if he doesn't even know me? Besides, I'm not a girl..."

"So what? Didn't he say he fucks both?" Light snarls, following Ryuzaki out of the bathroom and to the balcony, where L hangs the wet underwear on a rail. Light feels ridiculously irritated, as his minds vividly pictures Ryuzaki on a rendezvous with that Yasuhiro guy. That cheeky brat would surely try to hold Ryuzaki by the hand, or even steal a kiss, and that bastard doesn't even know who he's dealing with! Feeling restless, Light proceeds pouring out his thoughts to L: "He might have met you only today, but what do you think the dates are for? To get to know each other! He said it himself, didn't he? That he wants to get to know you? That's why he wants to drag you out! Don't be stupid!"

"Are you sure I'm the one being stupid here?" L mutters, glancing at Light, as he walks past the fuming teen back into the bedroom.

"Well, it's not me, who agreed to hang out with a person he barely knows, so yeah – it's definitely you, who's acting stupid."

"Why do you even care, Light-kun?" L turns to give Light a serious look.

"Because I'm worried for your safety?"

"Are you, now?" L chuckles bitterly. "If I didn't know it better, I'd think you're being jealous."

"That's ludicrous," Light frowns and shakes his head. "Anyway, we don't have time for such nonsense. Tomorrow we must speak about the reason as to why you brought me here at the first place."

"Yes. The sooner we clear up the matters, the better it would be for both of us..." L murmurs, staring off into distance. Light doesn't reply, shakes his head once again and walks out of the room. L spends a few moments staring vacantly at the floor, before he takes off the towel and plods to the wardrobe to finally unpack his travel bag. Just as he finishes putting on underwear, Light once again yells from behind the wall:

"Ryuzaki! Did you take my towel?!"

"Yes," L says and glances at Light, who's appeared at the threshold. "You can borrow mine."

"Did you use my loofah as well?" Light squints his eyes, catching the towel L threw at him.

"Yes."

"And my tooth brush?"

"Yes."

"You're a prick, you know that?" Light huffs and turns his back to L, walking away.

"Yes..." L says in an undertone, hiding his smile.

 

* * *

 

While Light is busy rinsing himself in the shower, L gets dressed into pajamas, which consist of a simple t-shirt and sweatpants. He then sighs contentedly, feeling unexpectedly happy with how things are at the moment: the flat is warm, Light doesn't rant as much as he did during the day, the bed seems soft and alluring in the dim light of a single lit table lamp ... The harmony gets ruined when L's stomach once again reminds him of the hunger. Accompanied with pitiful growls and occasional pains, L trudges into the kitchen, where he stops beside the fridge. The faint smell of the soup, which still dances in the air, makes his stomach utter one more resentful growl, and L impatiently opens the fridge's door, only to be greeted with the sight of neatly arranged cans, vegetables, bottles, eggs, packed pieces of fish, and other products he doesn't care about. Nothing else. No tare, which could contain any sort of soup. L blinks slowly, carefully examining the contents of the fridge yet again to solidify his suspicion – Light got rid of his portion. The pain that surges from his gullet to stomach is just as awful as the thunderous rumble it's followed by.

"Looking for something?" he hears Light saying in a derisive tone. Apparently done with cleaning himself, Light came to watch hungry L who rummages around the kitchen, and the show is seemingly satisfying for Light, since he's barely able to keep a vengeful leer from showing on his face.

"Where's the soup?" L asks.

"You mean soba I cooked?"

"Yes. Where is it?"

"Gone."

L can swear Light's eyes flicker with red sparkles, as a gloating smirk stretches his lips.

"You said you hate soup," Light continues. "So, I fed your portion to the garbage bin."

"Don't we have anything else to eat?" L asks, shifting his gaze from Light's face back to the contents of the fridge.

"Don't you see the fridge is full? You only need to cook something. Suit yourself," Light shrugs, turning his back to the detective.

"Light-kun..." L mumbles quietly.

"What?"

Light turns around with a sigh, looking at L apathetically. Ryuzaki doesn't say anything and keeps staring at Light with a slight pout and a very sorrowful expression in his eyes.

"You're a grown man, Ryuzaki. Some people your age have families to take care of," Light says, shaking his head in disapproval.

"I know."

"Then why are you not behaving appropriately? Don't be a baby."

"I'm not," L mutters. For a few moments, Light gazes at him and then waves his hand dismissively.

"I'm going to bed. Hopefully, next time you'll be more appreciative of what other people do for you."

L frowns his eyebrows and sullenly stares at the teen, who's already turned his back to the detective.

"That was quite hypocritical, coming from a person, who got his today's food with the money I provided," L says.

"Are you serious?" Light asks, as he whirls around. "Did you just seriously reproach me for food?"

"Didn't you do the same to me just a minute ago?"

"Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?"

"Why wouldn't we?"

"Stop this bullshit," Light says in an angry voice. "Don't answer to my question with another one. I bought and cooked food for both of us, not just myself. Yeah, I got it with your money, since I'm strapped for cash, but it's you, who got me into such helpless position in the first place, period."

"Still, since those were _my_ money, you could have thought of buying something for _me_ as well," L says, while the hunger he feels only manages to fuel up his irritation along with stubbornness. "You know we have different tastes, yet you only bought things you like. With _my_ money."

Light bites at his lower lip, glaring at L in such manner, that it makes the detective count his chances on winning in a fight that very well might start this moment. When Light walks up to him in a brisk pace, L stands still, wholly prepared to block a jab that might get thrown in his face. He watches Light's movements with strained attention, and gets a little confused when the teen walks past him to a cupboard and opens its door. Light then takes a step aside, gesturing for L to take a look. Cautiously, the detective leans forward, tilting his head and taking a quick peek into the buffet's insides; it's crammed with colorful packages of various sweets: lollipops, cookies, taffies, chocolates, tarts, mini-rolls, brownies, pockies...

"Here's your junk food," Light says, while L's busy staring at and exploring the candy stash, "If you'd helped with unpacking, you would have already known it's here."

L raises his eyes to look at Light's calm face. Candy bars finally in the grasp of his hands, he now feels a little guilty for taking it out on the tired-looking and clearly annoyed Light.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" L asks with a vaguely defensive notes in his voice.

"I don't really know," Light shrugs his shoulders. "Thought I could have as well used the opportunity to feed you normal food again."

L lowers his gaze at the cookies package in his hands and mumbles quietly:

"We wouldn't had to have that kind of an unpleasant conversation, if you'd told me you bought all of these..."

"That doesn't matter right now, does it?" Light shrugs again. "Anyway, I'm going to sleep. Don't bring your cookies to bed, alright? I'm sick of having to deal with the crunches."

L nods and watches as Light turns his back. This doesn't feel right. Light should have yelled at him, should have punched him and then should have made a vow of silence, refusing to speak with Ryuzaki for at least a few hours more. That's what the Light he knows would have done.

Lowering his gaze back to the cookies in his hands, L feels like crushing it. All these alterations in Light's behavior, they've transpired after they found the notebook. There's no doubt here, the death note is what led Light to change his mind about pretty much everything. Just what kind of an influence that thing, that notebook has, if it's made him become like this?

Shoving a cookie in his mouth, L closes his eyes for a few seconds. He can blame the notebook all he wants, but deep inside he knows that it was Light's decision, his hunger and his desire, that made the major shift happen. The supernatural notebook is nothing but a means, while Light is the one who recklessly commands over its power. The question is, if there's still a way to somehow alternate Light's views once more... L needs to stop him, not only for the sake of destroying the reign of Kira, that surely is destined to be short-lived at any case, but for the sake of keeping safe what's become dear to his heart. He'll take and use the last chance he has, and even if L fails to tear the craze-stitched shroud that's covered Light's mind, at least he won't give a way for Light's demons to swallow him whole without choking.

A little later L lays down beside Light, under the covers. It's warm and dark, like between the palms of hands. Soft breathing can be heard from the teen, who lays with his back turned to the detective, and from what L learned from their time together, such breathing pattern means Light is still awake. Nevertheless, L whispers softly:

"Light-kun... Are you asleep?"

"No."

L turns his head on the pillow to take a look at the back of Light's head, that appears pitch black against the white sheets. Breathing out softly, L wets his lips with his tongue, but finds he doesn't know how to start the conversation, so he keeps staring at Light's nape, as if paralyzed. A minute passes like this, and then Light breaks the silence:

"Were you eavesdropping on me earlier today?"

Blinking once, L turns his gaze away.

"Yes," he says in a whisper.

"Was it fun?" Light asks next question, still refusing to turn and look at L as he speaks.

"I wouldn't say so."

"Are you sure? Your underwear told me a different story. It was fucking soaked with pre-cum."

L stays mute, not knowing how to reply. After a minute, Light lets out a sigh.

"Say something at least," he mutters.

"What do you want to hear?" L rustles, drawing the blanket up, so that it covers half of his face.

"What's on your mind."

"I love you..." L whispers, staring at the ceiling. When he was fantasizing about the way he'd confess to Light, these three little words were flaring like a bright fire in his head. But when he finally spoke them, the flames of these words turned into cold, burnt coals.

Silence follows the words. L starts counting the seconds: one, two, three... fifteen... twenty... thirty five... Light keeps quiet.

"That's what's been on my mind for quite a while now," L adds in a broken whisper. He waits for Light to say anything, but no reply follows. Biting at his lower lip, he whispers: "Don't you have anything to say to me?.."

"Sleep," Light responds in a low voice. "Just go to sleep."

"But... didn't you hear me?"

"I heard you clearly."

"Then why don't you say anything?" L whispers, and himself can clearly hear notes of despair slipping in his voice.

"How am I supposed to take this joke, Ryuzaki?"

"I'm not joking, Light-kun," L rustles, as he crawls a little closer to Light and gingerly places his hand on Light's shoulder. "What I said is true."

"Stop it," Light jerks his shoulder and scoots away.

"I love you a lot, I really do," L says a little louder, clutching at Light's shoulder again.

"Stop."

"Do you accept my feelings?"

"No!" Light says loudly, brushing L's hand off his shoulder and sitting up. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

L stares at the contours of his figure, blurred with the darkness. He sees as Light brings his hands to his head as he says next words:

"This is completely despicable, Ryuzaki. How can you even say something like that?"

"Why can't I?" L whispers in reply. "I've come to accept my feelings..."

"Feelings, huh," Light shakes his head. "You know, it's funny how you can't even say 'sorry' after jerking off while listening to me talking to my girlfriend, or after accusing me of wasting your goddamn money, but have no problems spitting the 'feelings' bullshit."

"Are you offended with me? I'm sorry, Light-kun, I guess doing all that was wrong from my side, indeed..."

"Now you say 'sorry'?" Light utters a contemptuous chuckle. He stays quiet for a few moments and then lays down in bed, covering himself with a blanket and turning his back to L again. "Goodnight, Ryuzaki."

"Light-kun..." L murmurs, staring at Light's disheveled hair, but gets no reply. He thinks of trying to start the conversation anew, and even calls out Light's name again only to realize Light has already fallen asleep. Or pretends so. Whichever's the case, it's probably for the good. They'd better discuss all the matters when Light is well-rested and calm, so L thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme tell ya'll, writing that phone-sex scene was hella awkward :D   
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!


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